Futaba's fingers lingered on the hem of my uniform even after I sat down next to her. It was as if she were using that hold as an anchor or maybe to siphon courage from me. In any case, she became conscious of it soon enough and let go. She then folded her hands in her lap like she was trying to keep them from fidgeting.
I caught how her cheeks were tinged with a faint pink despite her unwavering expression. Furthermore, her eyes kept darting from left and right, watching the city blur by through the window and also checking on Akane and the others.
"Alright, Futaba," I started, "It looks like you finally managed to straighten up everything with the girls. And… you came to a decision. Unlike that last time we spoke, where you seemed to still be unsure of what to do next."
She stared at me for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. "Don't make it sound like I'm up to something weird, Onoda-kun. I just… wanted to clear things out. Privately."
"Privately, huh? I'm surprised you didn't pick a better time and place. Like your next visit at our house," I used a slightly teasing tone to relieve her uneasiness.
And that was successful.
Futaba's lips pressed into a thin line. She took a deep breath, like she was steeling herself for something, as her usual composed demeanor was cracked just enough for me to see the nervous energy underneath.
"… After that night, how could I just go back to visit like nothing happened? Onoda-kun, my face wasn't that thick yet." She started, then paused, her fingers twisting the edge of her skirt. "Anyways… m-my mind hasn't changed. I still want to continue… But to be honest… Akane and the others made me realize one thing."
Futaba bit her lips, and her chest heaved up and down as her whole body quivered. It was as if she were reeling from something deep within her. Like how one would shiver at recalling their most embarrassing moment.
Once she calmed down, she stared at me again. "I… I was making an excuse when I said it's for him. It wasn't. It was all me who started seeking that pleasure."
Right. That's how she should see it. Honestly, that's also how it looked from my perspective. Of course, not calling her out for it was also partly selfish of me. Because in one corner of my mind, I also liked that development. To help her overcome her unique constitution and maybe more than that.
Futaba's eyes locked on mine with a mix of vulnerability and determination.
The train's gentle sway and the distant hum of conversation from other passengers faded into the background, leaving just the two of us in this quiet corner of the car.
I leaned back slightly, giving her space to breathe. "Futaba, that's… a big thing to realize. But let me tell you this, it's okay to want something for yourself. It's fine to be selfish. You don't always have to justify it with someone else's name."
Her eyes widened, before she looked down at her hands as her fingers continued twisting the hem of her skirt. "It's not that simple, Onoda-kun. I thought I was doing it for him, to… I don't know, bridge some gap, make things better for us. But when I was with you, it wasn't about him at all. It was me. My… desires. Your touch never hurt me and every time I thought about that day, I could feel something twinge within me. And that scares me."
I reached out, hesitating for a moment before resting my hand lightly on top of her head, stilling her nervous fidgeting.
Her head was warm as steam seemingly dispersed from it. She's also holding her embarrassment from talking about this, after all.
But how should I go about this? I wasn't the same bastard as before who'd steal her from her boyfriend. And clearly, she's probably feeling guilty about it. However, her body's desire was different. It's longing for that touch.
That guy didn't do anything to me. To us. He's just possibly incompatible with this girl's constitution. Either it was because of inexperience or haste. Naturally, I wouldn't ask her about a play-by-play of her previous experience with him, where she ended up getting hurt from the hypersensitiveness of her body from his touches. No matter what, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.
"It's alright to be scared, Futaba. That just means you're being honest with yourself. And with me. That takes guts, don't you think so?"
She glanced up and a small smile peeked from her lips before she sighed lightly again. "You're too calm about this. I'm sitting here, spilling my soul, and you're just… you. You're not even afraid of being scolded by Akane and Fuyu."
I chuckled, giving her hand as my hand moved to her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Oh. I get scolded a lot by them. But you know? Being extremely transparent to them allowed me to be . Shameless."
Hearing that, Futaba giggled before she slapped my hand away, "Yup. You're such a shameless guy. I bet those two are not just close friends to you too."
"No. I'm certain. I can see it. The way they look at you. It's more than just a close friend."
"You don't have to admit it… I think I can guess why you're hiding it. And I won't try to pry on it."
Futaba took a glance at Yae and Ririka, who were still sandwiching Eri. I don't know what they're talking about but that girl seemed to be having fun as well.
"Alright. Let's go back to the topic then. Futaba, I'm listening. I won't judge you because, no matter how we spun it, I was also at fault for not being adamant about stopping you. Anyway, you're allowed to want things, to feel things. The question is, what do you want to do about it now?"
She exhaled, her shoulders relaxing just a bit, like the weight of her confession had lightened.
"That's what I've been trying to figure out. Akane and Fuyu… they didn't grill me as much as I expected. They were… kind. Supportive, even. They said I should talk to you, be clear about what I want, instead of hiding behind excuses. So, here I am."
I nodded, glancing briefly at the girls across the car again. Akane was whispering something to Fuyu, both of them stealing glances our way. One was giving a reassuring nod while the other was worried. Ririka had Eri in a playful headlock, the poor girl flailing but laughing. They were giving us space, but I knew they'd be ready to pounce with questions later. My girls, always a step ahead. The latest_epɪ_sodes are on_the novęlfire.net
"Then let's cut to it," I said, turning back to Futaba. "What do you want, Futaba? No filters, no overthinking. Just you."
Her lips parted, then closed, like she was testing the words in her mind before letting them out. Finally, she met my eyes and firmly said. "I want to keep exploring… with you. Not because of anyone else, but because it felt good. Because I felt… alive. But I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not Akane or the others…"
I studied her for a moment, her sincerity, the way she was laying it all out despite the fear in her eyes. Futaba wasn't like Akane or Ririka, with their bold confidence, or Yae, with her sly ease. She was cautious, analytical, always thinking three steps ahead. For her to admit this, to choose this path, was a leap.
However, she's missing the most important thing with that answer.
"If that's what you want, we can make it work. But Futaba. What about Maeda? Don't you think it'll be unfair to him if we continue with our sessions and keep him in the dark?"
Not that I'm trying to save from being cucked but it is what it is. I don't want this girl to be ridden with guilt while I relish the pleasure it will bring me.
Of course, like I promised before, I just wanted to help her get used to the sensation. I haven't really thought of stealing her at all. It's just… I doubt I'll be able to hold back at all if we keep getting into that same situation. I'm still such a bastard, after all. Someone whose desire is bottomless.
In the end, aren't I also just making excuses on top of excuses? How am I getting better?
Futaba took a long while before answering. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before eventually closing her eyes before whispering, "... You can hate me for this, Onoda-kun but like you said. I will be selfish here. I… I want to keep him in the dark. I still love him. I don't want to dump him."
… Alright. Looks like my advice backfired, huh?