A cool warrior kept up their winning streak. A cooler warrior readily accepted defeat when they happened to lose. Uburka the Muscle Pig was a pretty cool warrior.
“I lost. I was confident I wouldn’t lose when it came to the output of aura. But the gap in aura mastery is as big as the distance between heaven and earth. Ugor, I think I’ve been using aura too simply until now.”
I patted Uburka on the head. “Don’t blame yourself. I didn’t learn martial arts on my own; my teachers taught me. No matter how outstanding an individual’s talent is, it’s difficult to overwhelm the history of a sect, and I carry a thousand years of the Demonic Heaven’s history with me.”
“I won’t even ask you to call me Father, so can you just call me Dad at least? I think I’m going to have an identity crisis if someone as big as you calls me papa.”
“I understand, Daddy.”
“Uh... You only added two letters, but your tone makes it sound very... bizarre. Well, if you really want to call me that, go ahead...”
“Daddy, I have a question. Why are you riding on my shoulders?”
“Because you’re huge, Uburka. Anyone who sees a giant like you would want to climb here because people have the innate desire to do so. It’s very difficult for me to resist this impulse.”
Uburka nodded. “I see. I didn’t know such a desire existed.”
Riding on my child’s shoulders felt like a weightless Viking ride. This was kind of fun.
“I defeated you, so now be quiet and listen to my advice. Of course, it’s entirely up to you what you do next. If you have any better ideas, let me know.”
I scratched Uburka’s scalp. “Even if you force a peace negotiation, the chaos in the world won’t come to an end. You need to present a negotiation plan that is acceptable to all the parties involved. All the remaining six species should benefit from it to some extent, not just the Shellmounts.”
“What benefits can we give them?”
“It’s simple. First of all, stop thinking from the Terras’ perspective. Put yourselves in the shoes of all the other species. Only then will you get your answer. The Shellmounts will welcome a peace negotiation because that means they will no longer be under the threat of extinction, but it will be difficult for them to accept destroying Slimepolis, the source of conflict. Why do you think that is?”
“Because it’s the Holy Land?”
I bonked Uburka on the head. “Tsk, tsk. If Slimepolis is destroyed, there will be no city for them to live in. It’s good to overcome the risk of extinction, but not having a secure future will undoubtedly make them anxious. In other words, if you can solve the source of this anxiety, the Shellmounts will say yes to a peace negotiation.”
“They need a new city. A new place to live.”
“Yeah, it will be painful to see their Holy Land getting destroyed. But, as you said, it’s to make sure no one can have it. It’s an understandable move. ”
Uburka nodded. “I understand. The Terras need to promise to protect the Shellmounts if they settle down in a new place. The snails will be nervous if their new land is close to the five species, so the Terras will have to lead them as far away as possible.”
“That’s it. Shellmounts are very technologically advanced, right, yes? Make them teach you how some of their technologies work in return for your protection. Then, the Terra warriors you lead will also have fewer grievances.”
“For example, maybe they won’t need to say ‘fuck’ anymore. They can just say ‘fuuuuu...’”
“It’s just a minor difference in letters, but your tone makes it sound quite different...”
Although their grievances wouldn’t go completely away, the principle of the strongest making all the decisions worked in Uburka’s favor. Since he was the councilman and ranked number one among the Terras, he could use the magic statement “If you have a problem, bring it on.”
“Uburka, it’s good that you’re trying to prevent the destruction of a species. However, if you want to live like a savage, you can’t actually be one. Even if you think and work really hard on it, it’s always unclear whether you’ll be able to do some good.”
“Hmm. Daddy, what do you think the other species need?”
I grinned. “I just told you. You have to think about it from their perspective.”
“When it seems like your species is about to perish, I will help you too!” Uburka declared confidently.
On the next full moon night, the representatives of the allied forces and the Shellmounts came to the meeting. They didn’t seem very happy. It seemed as if they had been dragged by force to attend. Unfortunately, not many troops could withstand the muscle pig’s red aura laser beam.
In the tent where representatives of each species gathered, Uburka enthusiastically went on with his declaration. No one else was speaking other than him.
“Hear me out. After the primordial forest burned, the Slime Empire thrived, but it collapsed. You see, there is no such thing as eternal prosperity. The allied forces may be standing strong now, but one of you will eventually decline. This is just how the world works, and there’s nothing to be done about it.
“The defeated species will become the victorious species’ slaves. The enslaved species is going to experience the same humiliation from six hundred years ago, and the master species will repeat the Shellmounts’ mistakes. What a tragedy! Either way, everyone will get fucked over, and the word ‘fuck’ will resound from everyone’s mouths!”
Uburka looked truly sad. His mouth was open, his fangs were bared, his face was scrunched, and the tip of his nose kept twitching. When the strongest hobgoblin in history made that kind of expression, there wasn’t much the people around him could do.
“Hmm. Mmm...” A vampire, the Bloodborn representative, asked, “So you’re going to help us later like you’re helping the Shellmounts now?”
“That’s right. The Terras will help you when you find yourselves on the brink of destruction. I, Uburka, make this promise as the chairman of the Fire Water Council. If you have any questions, ask away.”
“Excuse me, but is there any guarantee your promise will be passed down to future generations?”
“I’m sorry, but in that case...”
Uburka grabbed his ax. The representatives cowered like frightened deer. He said, “Since there isn’t a promise already, we can make one now.”
Uburka slowly approached the Terra warriors. A large number of them were gathered around the tent where the meeting was taking place.
“Members of the Fire Water Council, listen! I’ll conclude the peace negotiation in the name of the council. If any of the species gathered here is in danger of extinction, we’ll help them.”
The warriors looked at each other blankly. Among them, the one whose rank seemed relatively high said, “Chairman, do whatever you want.”
“This promise will remain valid even after my coffin gets lowered,” Uburka insisted.
“Uger? How is that possible?”
“Because you’re going to swear that your grandchildren will keep the promise. If your descendants break the promise you made with me, that will turn them into unfilial bastards.”
“What if I don’t want to swear?”
The relatively high-ranked warrior raised his voice. “Fuck. I’m against your agenda! My name is Uruk. I’m the descendant of Gorgir, the great warrior who ran with Kekerukker. I’m ranked forty-nine in the council. I’m also the older brother of Urmu, who fought in a duel in this war and died honorably!”
Uburka leaned his ax on his shoulder. “Nice muscles you got there. I’ll beat you just enough so that you don’t die.”
The relatively high-ranked warrior was then beaten up neatly, just as promised. Uburka’s punch landed straight into the warrior’s abdomen. Everyone witnessed what he ate today.
The name of the dish was Two Fish & A Little Centipede Chicken. The thin gastric juice and big chunks stood out as decorations. The other Terras, who happened to see the great work of art, trembled.
“H-he’s still savagely strong...”
“What does the chairman shove down his throat to be so outrageously strong?”
“A double-digit ranked warrior lost after one blow from the councilman. This is ridiculous.”
“I think he’s stronger than before...”
“Your idea is excellent, Chairman! You are a blessing to our species! It’s an honor to be a part of your promise! Long live the chairman!”
“Who said that just now?”
“Kick the sly snake out!”
After that, several more warriors engaged in duels. Some were three-digit ranked warriors, but the Rank 6 warrior tried his luck, too. However, no one managed to make Uburka use his ax. They all went down from one punch. When the number of neatly beaten warriors reached thirty-three, the Terra warriors had no choice but to unite and chant curses.
“Fuck... Fuuuuuck...”
Uburka put aside his ax and crossed his arms. “Weak. Why are you all so weak? I feel bad for beating you guys up. You’re so pitiful, just agree with my offer before I feel even worse now.”
A cool warrior kept up their winning streak. A cooler warrior readily accepted their defeat when they happened to lose. In that sense, Terras were cool warriors.
“Those who are against my agenda, shout it out.”
Nobody shouted. Only bonfires crackled around the camp. All members of the Fire Water Council on the battlefield expressed their approval.
Uburka looked around and nodded. “Good. As the chairman of water and fire, I hereby declare that helping one of the six species when they are in danger of extinction has been passed unanimously. Those who shouted in favor, those who remained silent in opposition, and their descendants cannot go against this agenda. Swear on the sacred earth.”
Uburka struck the ground three times with the handle of his ax. The Terra warriors also gripped their weapons and struck the ground three times.
Uburka returned to the conference tent and sat down. Stunned, the representatives of the six species looked at the Terra leader without a word. Uburka faced the representatives with his arms crossed. “Now, there is a guarantee that our promise will be passed down to future generations. Do you have any other questions?”
After a short silence, the vampire bowed. “That’d be enough. I have no more questions.”
The vampire lowered his head, but the Skian representative had something to say. The dokkaebi with a single horn on his forehead was scowling quite aggressively. “Hey, fungus. You think you’re really tough, eh?!”
“I’m at least stronger than your papa.”
“You son of a bitch.”
“You’re wrong. Kekerukker descended in the form of a lion. Therefore, us Terras are the sons of a lion. A son of a bitch would be an appropriate description for the Shellmount representative over there. It’s disappointing that you don’t even know common knowledge when it comes to different species. Go ahead and correct yourself. I’m the son of a lion.”
“Uh? Huh? Gosh, anyway!” The Skian representative took out his sword. “We brought our expeditionary forces here by using up piles of grain that our people worked so hard to harvest! Even if you say ‘I’ll help later, so step back,’ that just won’t do! What are you going to do about the grains we have already spent?”
“What do you want then?”
“We aren’t really affluent either. Terras only hunt enough to last for a day. Even if I wanted to compensate you, I can’t.”
“Then I can’t negotiate either!”
Uburka stroked his chin. “Ugor. That’s probably not it. There are probably other matters you’re really worried about.”
Uburka convincingly recited the words I had told him in my dream. “The problem is that you spent a fuckton of grains, yet you’re returning without any accomplishments. The lords and landowners you ripped off won’t be too happy about this. Fuck, they might even go ahead and rebel, resulting in you losing your status. If you’re unlucky, you may also lose your head. Isn’t that what you’re really worried about?”
The Skian representative clearly had not expected this response, so he was at a loss for words. “Well, umm...”
Uburka bared his fangs. “If a rebellion breaks out in your country, I’ll go there myself to help you out at once. I won’t put this on my council’s agenda. This is something I’ll do alone. Myself, an ax, and twelve spears should be enough to handle rebels. How does that sound? Is this enough for you to join in destroying the Holy Land? If you still have an excuse, bring it on. When you lose this war, it’ll be a great excuse to tell your nobles.”
Angry, the Skian’s representative face became as red as a beat. He raised his sword. “Y-you bastard. Alright, come on! Let’s duel! If you think I’ll go easy on you, you’re delusional.”
“If you think I won’t go easy on you just because you’re taunting me like that, you’re mistaken. I’ll go moderately easy on you.”
As a result, the Skian representative was moderately beaten. His single horn was bent at a moderate angle, and his broken nose now flaunted its moderate curve. When a few of his teeth fell out, he became the epitome of the word “moderate.” Now stuck upside down in a hole in the ground at a moderate angle, all he could do was groan.
“You son of a bi... Motherfucker...”
Uburka smiled. “Now you look like a warrior!”
People tended to speak less when they were shoved into a hole in the ground head first. That night, all the seven species’ representatives signed a peace treaty.