Volume 3
131 How Can You Bear to See Me Upset?
Jiao S and I were drowned in a sea of sorrow. Leaning against each other, we were feeding off each other’s precious warmth.
My vision cleared as I stopped crying.
I saw her figure appear slowly in front of me.
After I activated my split symbol, I could never tell when she would appear. She appeared at irregular intervals, without rhyme or reason.
She was just floating in mid-air, like a female ghost dressed in red. She floated towards me with a gentle smile on her face.
My shoulders stiffened. I did not want to move, but my breathing turned heavy as I saw her approaching.
“What’s… wrong?” Jiao S, who was leaning against my shoulder, straightened up and asked carefully. She was perceptive, and she could definitely see something was different with me.
I kept my eyes on the figure in front of me. Once Jiao S lifted her head from my shoulders, I started dragging myself backwards with my hands and legs, trying to back away.
“Go away.” I looked at her coldly.
She gave me a brilliant smile.
She glanced at Jiao S with those bright eyes, as if to say, ‘Aren’t you afraid that she’d find you weird if you talk to yourself like this?’
I smirked. Weird? I’ve always been weird.
Jiao S was not surprised at my actions, and she simply asked with slightly knitted brows, “I wanted to ask, what exactly is your curse? It seems like everyone is worried about that after you activated your split symbol.”
“Who, do you see?” Jiao S followed my gaze, looking in her direction.
But she couldn’t see her.
She stopped in front of me. That hateful smile remained on her face. Apart from asking me ‘How are you’ on the first day, she did not say anything else.
“Nothing, let’s go. If I don’t return, I’m afraid Si Luo and the rest might just stay here in the Western District forever.” I shot her one last icy look, and stood up.
Jiao S followed closely behind, leaving the rooftop with me.
“I feel that you’re different after you activated your split symbol,” Jiao S said in her coarse voice.
Instead of responding to her question, I changed the subject. “Where are they staying?”
Jiao S looked at me meaningfully, and continued, “Guan Nie is seriously injured, and I got my guys to take him back to the Eastern District after you woke up. Rong Jin returned to the Southern District upon Si Luo’s orders. Only Si Luo and Gaoqin Jiuye are staying in the Academy. Ku Fei and Mi Fu are staying directly opposite Jie Pa in the Residence, probably because he’s afraid that Gaoqin Jiuye’s killing intent might be reignited if they stayed too close to Si Luo.”
“Guan Nie returned to the Eastern District on his own? Isn’t Gaoqin Jiuye still here? And Si Luo is here too,” I asked calmly.
Jiao S looked at me again, and as if sighing, she said, “He’s also human, and he has a heart. With Si Luo around, Gaoqin Jiuye will never look at anyone else. He bore witness to this fact once again, so he’s probably extremely heartbroken. His injuries were already serious, and when he left, frankly even I’ve never seen him with such a forlorn expression in all these years.”
I looked into the distance as we arrived at the ground floor.
“After you activated your split symbol, do you still remember all that happened on that day during the fight?” Jiao S asked suddenly.
Now that I was reminded of it, do I really remember everything from that fight which she helped me end?
I looked back. She did not follow after Jiao S and I as we left the rooftop. She just disappeared.
“Even I was surprised that day. You wielded Piercer so well. From what I know, Piercer has always produced violet light and violet blades, but on that day, Piercer had a bright red glow, as if it was a complement to your dress. It was a beautiful battle, everything was bathed in red.”
I scoffed, “That was a fight. How could you describe such a violent incident as if it was a beauty pageant.”
“You left a really deep impression on that day.” On the topic of fights and bloodshed, Jiao S sounded so excited, as if she was inherently wicked.
“How deep?” I asked with raised brows.
Though I asked, I did not really want to know. I did not want to know how horrid I would have looked while I was being controlled by her.
“To the point that even someone like Gaoqin Jiuye looked subdued.”
My heart skipped a beat.
Jiao S shook her head. “I’ve never liked Gaoqin Jiuye, but that might be because I didn’t like the fact that he was always hanging around Si Luo. Looking at it objectively, I am impressed by Gaoqin Jiuye, and he definitely has the right to be as conceited as he is.”
She looked at me. “Apart from Si Luo, I’ve never seen Gaoqin Jiuye being so tender with anyone else, not Guan Nie, not you. However, he made an exception for you. Though he didn’t openly express it like he does with Si Luo, I could tell it was different.
“You looked like an elegant goddess who was drenched in blood on that day when you struck at him with Piercer’s red ray, and I saw that there was this bloodthirsty cruelty and extreme passion in his eyes. It was as if he finally found his match, and he was willing to be ensnared by you.”
“Goosebumps are appearing all over me.” I laughed coldly.
Willing to be ensnared by me? By me or by her?
I had always thought that Nie Zun protected and cared for me because we were together every single day in the Split Zone. I did not expect for him to tell me he had actually seen me before, and that it was not exactly me, but the me who was being controlled by her.
Does this mean that she was the one he cared for, not me?
If he didn’t, would Gao Qi’s fate be any different?
How about Gaoqin Jiuye?
Though I’ve seen that cold, ruthless and bloodthirsty expression of his countless times, something felt different about him when we were in that crack in space.
Now you’re telling me that his passionate look was because he found his match, her?
Her?
Why is it always her?
Why did she have to destroy everything I had?
My heart seemed to be enshrouded in a heavy mist that just could not clear up, and I seemed to be viewing everyone as an enemy.
They all say that she is me, that she is my other personality. No matter how much I hate her, she’s still me.
But I couldn’t accept this.
Even if she is me, she isn’t who I want to be.
Maybe it’s because she always gets the attention of others, and this just makes my cowardice and weakness all the more apparent.
How can someone who had always been unloved and ostracized suddenly turn into a strong person?
I’ve been trying my best to change, but why did she always have to interfere? I can never surpass her, I can never wield Piercer as well as she can.
You’re so outstanding, while I’m just useless. Why can’t you leave me alone?
“You look like you’ve given up all hope. Ah Shen, I’m not blind. I can see that layer of dust over your eyes and your heart.”
Jiao S kept her eyes on me. “I know you’ve changed because of Nie Zun.”
I sucked in a breath. Could you not say this name?
I have already waited three days for him. Three whole days without eating or sleeping.
How could you bear to see me upset?
Do you like her too? Didn’t you always like her? Why did you have to leave then?
Isn’t she out now?! Won’t you take a look at her?
I tried to regulate my breathing in an attempt to calm my surging emotions.
A monster started to crawl out of my heart. Slowly, it was going to break out.
I’ll always protect you.
I split my dry lips as I smiled. Tiny cracks appeared as I haven’t had any water for a few days.
Forget that, Li Shen.
I turned to look at Jiao S. “Bring me to see Mi Fu, I want to persuade her to leave the Split Zone.”
Jiao S nodded stiffly.
“Have you ever thought that I might stand on Gaoqin Jiuye’s side and go against you?” Jiao S asked suddenly.
I was reminded of my conversation with Huan Qing. I told him that instead of having Si Luo stay alive through such a method, she might just want to accomplish what Si Luo wishes to complete.
Though I should have answered her like this, I tried to suppress my emotions and responded as coldly as I can. “It doesn’t matter where you stand. Even if all of you go against me, I’ll still use every ounce of strength to stop Gaoqin Jiuye.”
Jiao S did not look surprised at this. She simply looked at me calmly.
I was a little guilty as I met her gaze, and I pried my eyes away.
“Let’s go, I’ll bring you to her.” Jiao S finally spoke.
I heaved an inward sigh of relief, and we continued walking to the next zone in the Residence.
“You guys are probably looking for me.”
As we passed one block, a tiny figure ran out from behind a door.
I frowned as I looked at Mi Fu.
She was still in pink, and she had that arrogant look with a pair of rosy ears and sparkly eyes.
I smirked. “The little princess ran out on her own? Not afraid that Gaoqin Jiuye might kill you?”
“You!” Her cheeks puffed up in anger, as if she had a comeback. But before she could say anything, it seemed like she thought of something else, and decided to swallow her retort.
Looking at her, I crossed my arms. “What? You want my help with something?”
If she is looking for me on her own, it must be to get help. Her face immediately reddened as I hit the nail on the head.