Chapter 59
***LATER THAT EVENING***
Damian had spent the whole day with Miranda, and he couldn't have thought of a better way to spend his time, he'd suspended all the activities he had for the day because of her. It's been over 17 years of being an alpha for him, and he realized then that in all that time, he'd never really laid back to relax from all the hectic work, it's always been from one assignment to another, it was exhausting, and sometimes, an alpha just needs to lay back and spend as much time with the one he loves, because you only have one life to live, and you should spend it with those whom you are most fulfilled with.
After they'd eaten, he spent the day taking short walks round the garden, and when they left the flowery haven, for the first time ever, he gave her a tour around the packhouse, Miranda couldn't have preferred for it to be anyone else, as Damian had known this place all his life, and no one knows their way around here better than he does. When he went round with her, it reminded him of the day with Ronan, he'd never ever taken anyone like this since that time, but this time was different, this time, he'd learnt to trust someone else whole heartedly, and no doubt, he wouldn't have any regrets about it in the future, they also took their wolves out for a run following the tour. After their day, Miranda retired to his bedroom, and he promised to join her shortly, he had something he wanted to do first, someone he wanted to see who had dropped in his mind earlier. Like Miranda, this was a very important person to him.
Damian feels guilty in a sort of way that he's found happiness and it's not with Katrina. Not that he hasn't tried, he did in fact, countless number of times than you can imagine, but if there's anything he couldn't keep doing, it was lying to his heart. He feels bad for what he did, a lot, but he couldn't blame himself for choosing to stay true to his feelings.
He knows he hasn't been fair to Katrina, that's why he feels the need to make up for all the argument Miranda has caused between them, he cares about her so much, because she's been there for him through the years, she's shown him her love and support and has managed to comfort him in his troubled times, now he wishes nothing but the best for her, but he knows that she cannot get the best when she is with a man that doesn't love her.
He's in love with Miranda, after last night, he's more of it than ever, but that doesn't mean he should push Katrina aside, because whether he likes it or not, she's still an important part of his life, no matter how much he loves Miranda, he can't throw Katrina away.
He hasn't seen her in a while, and he's missed her, he couldn't help but wonder if she's okay, he knows that all this is hard for her to take in, but he hopes that one day she'll accept things the way they are and move on to someone who would love and cherish her more, he wishes for nothing more than for Katrina to find some happiness of her own, and that she can learn to love and be friends with Miranda, seeing and loving her the way he and all of the silver wolves have come to because of her good heart, he knows that will take a while, but at the very least, the two of them should make up for their arguments.
He'd reached her chambers and now stood in front of it, taking a deep breath before proceeding to go inside. Or rather, knocking would be better... he thought, so as not to give her any wrong ideas by barging in as they weren't so close anymore.
He knocked, once, twice, thrice, but then no response came from inside. He was already beginning to get impatient with her delay, before he realized the possibility of her not being inside.
Where could she have gone then? He wondered; it was unlike Katrina to just disappear out of the blues without informing anyone, and when she wasn't with him, she hardly spends time outside of her room, so where could she have gone?
He finally opened the door, checking inside to see if she was probably sleeping or something and hadn't heard him. She wasn't there, and her room didn't look like anyone had slept in it in a while. Her bed was properly laid, the whole room neatly arranged and all the windows were shut. Katrina wasn't here, and she hadn't spent the night here either.
He left her chambers, closing the door behind him to ask round for her whereabouts, he asked the guards, the servants, the tenders, even madame Jane, but she was nowhere to be seen, and no one had seen her in days.
His heart panicked, making him send for his beta immediately, tremendous guilt pricking his insides, he knew she would have been angry about his choices lately, but he never, he never expected her to take things so far. Where the hell had she gone to?
About an hour passed after he'd returned to his quarters, Miranda had drifted off to sleep being so tired from the previous night of no sleep and the eventful day, but he couldn't, not until his mind is assured that Katrina is safe.
He was pacing about in the outer chambers then, when he heard a knock on his door.
"Come in," he answered.
It was Beta Renard, he bowed after entering the chambers, waiting for the instruction from Damian to proceed.
"What are the reports?"
"I've sent out a troop. The search has begun sire."
"A troop is not enough; I want as many men out there combing the grounds until she is found!"
"Sire," the beta had something to say.
"What?"
"Um..." he didn't know how to say this, but keeping the truth from him wasn't the best option either. "I received some reports from the first search, and my men are speculative of the fact that your mistress may have left the border."
Damian couldn't believe his ears. "What????"
"We are not completely sure about this, although it seems likely because she hasn't been seen in any parts of town except for a few days ago."
Damian didn't know when he started mumbling, "I know she was upset about my marriage, I thought about being with her instead, but I just couldn't! I couldn't hurt her by making a commitment I knew I wouldn't be able to keep to. And now look, look at how far she's taken things! I just hope I don't lose her because of this."
"I'm sorry about that sire, I truly am, I promise that my men will do their possible best to bring her back."
He knows this is a bad idea, but now, he has no other choice but to give the order, "send some troops out through the border to find her!"
His words shocked the beta, and never in his dear life had Renard tried to object to the words of the alpha, but in this situation, he'd be a mad man not to.
"I'm sorry if what I'm about to say might offend you sire, I know it's not my place, but please, reconsider this order. Is she really worth you risking the lives of so many men?"
"Yes!" He stormed. "She is worth that and so much more! You don't know how it feels! You cannot understand the state of fear and panic my mind is in right now!!!"
"You are a good leader sire, and I never for once have questioned your judgements, I understand that you may be upset about her sudden disappearance, I understand that you want to sacrifice so much to bring her back here because she is worth all of it, but please, at least for the sake of the pack that we have formed an alliance with, we need all the men we have on our hands for the upcoming wars."
Gosh! He hated it when the truth stared him right at the face! He hated to admit that his beta was right, but still... "Fine. I'll admit that my mind is a bit distraught now, and it might not be the wisest decision to send off so many men out of our territories at once..."
"Thank you sire...!"
"I'm not finished yet Renard, that doesn't mean I still won't make an attempt to go out and rescue her by myself."
That seemed like an even much worse decision than sending the men! Everyone knows how much this pack needs alpha Damian and all of his strength, and everyone knows how despised and hated he is outside of these territories.
"But sire, that's suicide!"
"Don't test me Renard, I've given in to your requests of saving the numbers we have in our troops, but you will not tell me what I can and can't do to save the ones I care about the most!"
Renard has to think of something, the silver pack can't lose their alpha, and if alpha Damian dares to step out of this territory alone, with the hatred and spite other pack wolves nurse against him, he'll be outnumbered and killed, he has to do something to stop this from happening... The words slid right out of his mouth before he even thought of them...
"Then let me go in your place sire..."
Damian was shocked by his response, but, "thank you Renard, but no. I can't let you go."
"Let me sire, I'll go instead to search for Katrina and make sure to bring her home."
"Renard, this is my mistake, you don't have to..."
"Please sire. I want to, let me do this for you. I'll do all I can to bring her back here safely, please don't refuse."
Sighs, "Renard..."
"Please sire, the silver pack needs you."
"The silver pack needs you too Renard,"
"But not as much as it needs you, you're the key to the balance and stability that keeps this pack together. If that key is lost, then the silver pack would be gone forever, please don't refuse my offer sire. I promise not to return until I find her."
After pondering on his words carefully, and seeing how much this stubborn beta was obliged, he finally agreed.
"Very well then Beta Renard, thank you for proving your loyalty to me and for putting this pack above yourself like a true leader. I promise that you will not go unrewarded if Katrina comes home because of you."