16 years ago...
I won't break
The way you did it, you fell so hard
I learned the hard way
To never let it go this far
I love chocolate cake. Today mom decided she would bake me a cake, and she makes the best cakes in the world. We're in the kitchen at home, and I can already smell the cake when Mom takes the mold out of the oven. She puts it on the table, and now let's decorate. That's the best part.
I scoop up the chocolate sauce and pour it over our cake. He is handsome. I can't wait to eat. Mom helps me spread the syrup with a spatula, then I think the job is done.
- Are we finished? - she asks.
- Yes mom.
- It's nice. Congratulations my love.
- Thanks.
I look at my mother. She is very beautiful today. Her blue dress is like mine, down to the flowers at the hem. We always wear the same clothes, maybe that's why people say we look alike. I love looking like him.
- Shall we put strawberries?
- Yeah! I'll get it - I say.
- He is fine. Thanks.
Strawberries are very tasty. Sometimes some are sour, and those I don't like. I run to the fridge and grab the bowl of berries. Our cake will be very beautiful, so beautiful that maybe even dad will like it. Because the main ingredient is love, and we put a lot of love into the dough.
- Will dad like the cake, mom? - I ask, because I want him to like it.
- Yes my love. He will love it very much.
Mom takes the strawberries and places them on the round cake. It makes a very beautiful decoration, as always. I hope I can make cakes like this when I grow up.
I see a tear running down his face, and I don't understand. Mom is not happy with our cake?
- Don't cry, mom. You are sad?
- Nope. I'm really happy - she wipes away the tear and smiles at me. I love mom's smile.
- Do you cry when you are very happy?
- Yeah. How about a little more chocolate sauce?
Yes, yes and yes ! Chocolate is always good. The more chocolate, the more dad will like it.
- I want!
When I run to the fridge for more syrup, the living room door opens. I look at mom and she looks scared. I'm scared too. We heard noises coming from the room, like things were breaking.
- Cum! - it's dad's voice. He says ugly words, words we shouldn't say.
- Dad has arrived. Does he want cake, mom? - I speak softly.
- I do not think so. Can you go to your room while I talk to dad, please?
- But we haven't finished decorating
Now I am sad. Won't we eat the cake together? I wish we could sit around the table and eat lots and lots of chocolate cake. Papa would be happy like that, and he would cry with joy. But mom disagrees.
"We can break up later, I promise," she said.
Dad appears in the kitchen. He wears work clothes because he is an important man. His eyes are red and mom says it happens when he works hard and doesn't sleep. Sometimes it comes back like that, and it's never good. Mom says he's just upset and a little love could help.
"You messed up my kitchen," he says, but he doesn't sound too angry.
"We made cake, dad," I said.
I want him to taste the first piece of our cake. I want him to feel that he was made with love, and so he will be happy until he cries. I hope this cake will help dad never come home upset like mom says. I don't like seeing her cry in pain.
- I don't want to hear you! - Dad is yelling at me.
- Elliot! - Mom whispers.
I don't understand, I never understand. Why does dad change when he's angry? Does he stop loving me? I feel my eyes sting, but I don't want to cry now. Dad says the weak cry and I am not weak. He won't love me if I'm weak.
- Go to the bedroom, my love - mom asks looking at me with a blushed face. I don't want her to cry too.
My father is a very angry man. But mom always says he loves us, he just doesn't know how to show it the right way. I know love hurts, just like daddy hurt mommy, but I didn't want her to receive that love.