I woke up around 06:00 AM and found Acwell sleeping on the chair. He was still holding the towel that he used to do a cold compress on my forehead. I shook him gently and whispered his name.
"What?" Acwell woke up surprised.
"I am sorry to wake you. I did not mean to, but you look uncomfortable sleeping on that chair," I said.
He did not reply; instead, he touched my forehead to know whether I still had a fever.
"Thank God! You no longer have a fever. I was about to call the ambulance earlier. I was so worried."
"Thank you for taking care of me."
"I will always take care of you, Kamiah. It's my responsibility and I am happy to do that."
I looked at him and felt an intense longing. I missed my husband.
"Come here. Lie beside me and sleep."
"Are you sure you want me to sleep beside you?"
"Yes. You might have a stiff neck or body pain with the way you are sleeping on that chair."
"Okay. Thank you."
We lay beside awkward at first. But later on, Acwell hugged me, and we both fell asleep.
We got awakened by Kai's crying. He was hungry, so I gave him his bottle.
"It's already 08:00. Let me prepare breakfast for us," Acwell said.
"No, I will do it," I replied, stopping him. I wanted him to sleep because he did not get much sleep yesterday and the day before.
"Kamiah, you just got well. I don't want you to get tired and get sick again."
Acwell stood and went out of the room. I stayed in the bedroom and played with Kai, who was now awake.
We had our breakfast and we were happy talking. After that, Acwell looked sad all of a sudden while looking at his phone.
"What happened?" I asked.
"It was Catrina. She sent me a message to inform me that she resigned and went back to the Philippines with Amara. She told me that it would be her last message to me. She just wanted me to know where Amara is, but she is cutting communications," Acwell said in a low voice.
"Are you okay with that?"
"I am hurt that I have to cut my relationship with my daughter. It's painful to think that she will grow up not knowing me and maybe think that I abandoned her."
"Then, why you leave her there?"
"Because no matter how I tried to be a part of her life, it just not working. It's just toxic for her to watch Catrina and me fight almost all the time. I left because of that and because I know the family that I want is here."
"But what about your daughter's feelings? Are you okay with her growing up hating you?"
"I prayed that she won't. Catrina said she left to heal herself and to move on. I hope she does, and one day we can talk without fighting."
"Acwell, I did not wish you to abandon your daughter. In fact, we left so you can have time for her."
"During the time I did not know where you are, I spent it with Amara. But Catrina and I still fight. I was not happy. Now, I am happy where I am. I know this is where I belong. I am even proud that I changed, and you helped me change. I like the new me."
"But why are you sad?"
"I am just sad that I might not see my daughter. But at the same time, I am happy that Catrina has started to accept that we can't be together, and she is on her way to finding happiness for herself. I wished things had been different. But I cannot have it all. I am grateful that even if I can't be with my daughter, Catrina has started to find peace."
Acwell smiled and said, "I love you and Kai with all my heart, even if it will take years for you to take me back. I will be waiting patiently. You are the one that turned me into a better person and has always made me smile. Yes, I am sad that I can't be with my daughter, nor I can't talk to her. But I believe it's for the best. Catrina and I needed healing from the past, and if it takes cutting communication, then I am fine with it. I know one day my daughter and I will sit down and talk like nothing had happened."
I looked at him and felt that it was all I needed to hear. I have seen and watched him change every day into a better person. I was scared of him to act up again when Catrina would communicate. But looking at him now, I can see that he already knows how to handle things. He had made a decision to choose us.
It's not that I am happy that he left his daughter. In fact, I understood how hard it was for him to leave her. But if being with her means letting her watch her parents fight almost every day, it would still not do her any good. It's best for them to create a temporary distance, and when her parents are fully healed, then that's the time they could find ways to spend time together.
I also had been hurt. It was also not an easy experience. Sometimes we learn things the hard way, and we are both a testimony of it.
But now I understand that marriage is not a perfect fairytale. It's not one-sided. It's for two people to work together as a team. It's every day learning and correcting your mistakes to grow. It's also about forgiveness and choosing each other always but not being a victim of someone's maltreatment or just turning your blind eye to something that is wrong. It's not losing yourself but standing for your rights, too. Marriage is a complex thing, but if you understand and support each other, it's one of the best things in life.
"Acwell, you don't have to wait forever. I will take you back with the hope that from now on, we grow and work together, not against each other," I replied and smiled.