"MOM…?"
Maria's heart raced upon hearing her daughter's soft voice. Before she turned to face her, she pulled her wavy brown hair to cover the sides of her neck. She also made sure that her cardigan entirely covered her inner clothes.
"Yes, baby?" she asked with a kind smile. "It's too early to be awake already."
Her six-year-old daughter, Sara, rubbed her eyes. "I had a nightmare, Mommy…"
Maria kneeled in front of her child and cupped her face. "What is it, Sara? Tell your mom."
"You left me in the middle of the night," she began, tears beginning to sting her beautiful eyes. "Mom, please don't leave when I'm asleep. It scares me."
Maria heaved a sigh. She held her daughter's small hands and gave it a massage. "Sara, if I won't go to work, how am I going to buy our food?"
Sara pressed her lips together, trying her best to fight her tears from falling. "Do you really have to work at night? Why not during the king sun is still up?"
She reached to touch her daughter's cheeks. "If I'm going to work in the daytime, we're not going to have more time together. Who's going to bring and pick you up in school?"
Sara pouted her lips. "But… I want you to be with me when I'm sleeping."
Maria brushed her daughter's hair. "Okay, I'll sleep with you tonight."
"My chest hurt last night," Sara said and started crying. "I'm sorry, Mommy…"
"Shh… it's okay, baby. Don't cry…" Maria hugged her daughter. "I'm not mad…"
"Maria…" Wendy's bothered voice called her attention. "We're running out of stocks of Sara's meds. Because she often cried at night, more than to what is—"
"I'll go to her doctor after I send her to school," she cut off and looked at Sara. "We're going to the mall after your classes."
Sara's face lit up. "Really? You'll buy me a new dress?"
Maria nodded. "And a new pair of shoes," she opened her purse and showed her the gift certificates that she got from her customer. "Look, this piece of paper can buy a lot of toys."
Sara's eyes widened in amazement. "Wow!" She took the tickets from her hand and looked at them. "I promise that I will never cry again at night, Mommy."
Maria smiled and gave her daughter a peck in the cheeks. "Go with Tita Wendy and eat your breakfast. I'm just going to change my clothes."
When Sara was busy with her breakfast, Wendy went to her. Based on her expression, Maria already knew what she was about to say. And she will give her the same answers.
"When are you planning to quit on that kind of job?" Wendy asked, brows furrowed. "Sara kept looking for you every night, and you know that it's bad for her heart to cry at night."
Maria heaved a sigh. "I can't just quit, Wendy. This is the only job that can support Sara's medications."
"But, it can also worsen her situation," she countered. "Maria—"
"I'll find another job, Wendy," she cut off and turned her back at her. "But, not now."
Maria Daza works as a pole dancer in an after-hours club along Recto's busy streets, Manila. She'd been in this kind of job for three years. Luckily, every time there's a police raid, she was out of the club for some extra service. Thanks to her friend-slash-admirer PO1 Ricardo Chris that gave her hints whenever their troops were planning to raid the illegal bars in their area.
Maria went inside their bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Before tears could sting her eyes, she fought it back with a deep breath.
"Come on, Maria. Don't shed tears with the decisions that you made," she told her reflection in the mirror. "This is your destiny. And you have to face it."
She took off her jacket, and there she saw the marks that cost a thousand dollars. Tears pooled around her eyes as she started to take off all her clothes. Maria felt filthy, immoral, and lowly. But, it doesn't matter, as long as she can support her child's needs, everything was fine.
"Maria? Sara's going to use the toilet," Wendy's bothered voice pulled her from what seemed to be a nightmare at daytime. "Are you done?"
"Y-yeah…" She put on her robe and opened the door. Wendy's frowned expression welcomed her. "What’s with that face?"
"Did you cry, Mom?" Sara asked.
Maria wiped her face immediately before meeting her daughter’s eyes. "No… I washed my face, and I haven't used the face towel."
Wendy shook her head, not convinced of what she said. "Sara, go and use the toilet."
Maria stepped out of the bathroom. She was about to go into their room when Wendy called her. She looked over her shoulders but avoided her eyes.
"Yes, I had a night with a stranger," she said in a low voice, careful not to hear by her daughter. "And guess what? That stranger gave me dollars that can support Sara's meds for two months."
"Maria—"
"Wendy, let's not talk about it now…" she trailed off and walked towards her room.
She met Wendy when she was a stray downtown girl in the city. She was an angel in disguise that saved her from miseries and death. She adopted her and gave her shelter in this world full of misfortunes and abusive people.
Where is she and Sara now if Wendy didn't find her? Maria sighed. She might be dead now.
"Am I not dying every day?" Maria asked herself. She rolled her long wavy her into a bun on top of her head. "Am I not putting myself in danger every fucking night just to survive?"
Tears stung her eyes. Her chest tightened until it's hard for her to breathe. Every night, she's putting herself into that stage, dancing naked around the pole, exposing her private parts to the sea of people shouting for more than she can give.
But, there's nothing that she can't do for her daughter even if it means that she will dance naked all her life.
***