I had wanted adding one more week to my semester break after school resumption but Ya Hamid refused to let me, he said I would miss a lot. Well, he was right.
I was so lucky to not miss the attendances and welcoming tests bombarded upon us by our lecturers, especially Mallam Bobi – the anatomy lecturer. This semester he vowed to fail anybody that isn't serious, starting with those that missed his first test and attendance.
School was stressful today and when Ya Hamid came to pick me up I realized he wasn't alone. He was with a woman. The woman wore wig and black gown, I would call her a lawyer because that was their outfit.
She sat in the back seat with her bag right next to her. I had wanted asking Ya Hamid whom she was but somehow I felt like it wasn't right, especially in her presence. Hence, I decided to wait until we reached home.
Throughout the drive, the woman was practically silent and I couldn't also talk much. Whenever Ya Hamid utter something to me, I would only reply him with one or two words. I really expected him to say something about her but he didn't.
Hopefully the woman dropped soon afterwards thus, I heaved a sigh of relief and asked him about her. "Who was she?" I queried.
He smiled, "That was Barrister Khadija" he said.
"Okay?" I said wanting to hear more from him about her.
"She's a friend, old friend" he said.
"A friend? Old friend?" I said trying to control my mouth. "You should have introduced now"
"Well, she's deaf... or do you understand sign language?" he said making me to feel somehow awkward.
"No!" I folded my arms across my shoulder, still finding it hard to believe she was deaf because she used to giggle whenever Ya Hamid utter something funny. "But how can a deaf person be qualified to work in the court?" I asked.
"She has her ways, and it's not as if she can't pick the words people say...she's not just as good as we are" he responded.
"Okay but, I mean...there is something about her that doesn't add up. She's probably lying to you because she was giggling earlier when you talk about..." I said as he cut in.
"So what if she giggled? She probably picked up something, and like I said earlier she can pick words but not all. She could hear a little bit, or don't you believe me?" he glanced at me.
"You are my husband, why wouldn't I believe you? I believe you, Ya Hamid but I don't trust her" I said, not even knowing what else to say.
"Let's just forget about it, talking behind someone's back is not even good in Islam" he said.
"Okay, na ji (I heard you)" I muttered and remained silent.
When we arrived home I quickly cooked dinner so I could do my assignments in time.
While eating, Ya Hamid asked if I was pregnant because I was glowing these days.
I shook my head in response and told him I didn't really think so because I saw my period not long ago.
"Right, so what do you think is the problem?" he asked weirdly.
"I don't know" I shrugged, "it's probably not yet time" I said.
"Not yet time? We started sleeping with each other long ago and you think it's not yet time for us to start having kids?" he said, more like yelling at me.
"Ya Hamid, I don't understand. Our marriage is barely a year and half and we started seeing each other lately, so..." I said as he cut in.
"You think even ONE STAND can not make you pregnant? Like seriously?" he said rendering me speechless. "Don't be quiet, Amani"
His words were so harsh that before I knew it tears had already gathered in my eyes. I blinked them away and sighed.
"Ya Hamid I don't know what to say but I think it's too early to start complaining" I managed to say.
"Too early? You mean it's too early?" he chuckled and stood up to his feet. "If it's too early to you, it's not to me. If you can't give me children now, when I you going to? Yazid's wedding with Safiya is fast approaching, soon they will get married and start having their own children. When would I get mine?" he added and left the dining furiously.
He had really surprised me, and as hurt as I was I began crying. I was so fragile, I also had a delicate heart that couldn't take even the least of heartbreak.
I loved Ya Hamid and I would practically do anything humanly possible to make him happy, if only I could force myself to conceive for him but I had no power over that. Only God gives, I believed it wasn't yet time for me to conceive.
After crying for almost an hour, I wiped off my tears and thought extensively about everything Ya Hamid said to me. It was clear he was desperate, but what could I do?
My mother once told me it took her four years to give birth to her first child (my late elder brother), and nearly twelve years to give birth to her second child (me). So I guess it was a family thing, she didn't tell me from whom the problem was – between her and my father – but I guess whoever had the problem among them must have passed it to me because I was yet to get pregnant despite Ya Hamid's persistence when it comes to love making. We could make love three to four times a week, even more sometimes and that was the case always unless I wasn't clean. Yet I couldn't conceive!
Some people used to be so lucky that they don't need to keep trying like we'd been doing, I guess I wasn't among those people and I think the best thing is to make it clear to Ya Hamid. If he could bear with me, Alhamdulillah but if he couldn't then he should just add another wife. I preferred that than losing him.