The death of our grandmother didn't only shake our entire family house but also weaken most of us, especially we – the women.
It came so sudden, you know, and one painful thing was that she dreamed to see her great grandchildren from me and Ya Hamid but it never happened.
And that made me viewed both Ya Hamid and I as failures, in fact it took me days to finally return back to my senses. I was actually losing it before.
After a week in our family house, we were asked to return back home. Safiya however was told to stay since she was yet to recover from the shock.
Upon our arrival home, Ya Hamid opted to cook for us because I was so weak. Don't hype him though, it was just some noddles.
I spent the whole day in my room and when it was time for bed, he came and joined me in my room with his blanket and pillow. For once in a while, I smiled.
Actually, he was with only that thing that men used to call boxers and then singlet. He laid down on the floor like a baby and just as our eyes met he asked why I was smiling. I only shook my head and shut my eyes off.
I tried to sleep but to no avail. I thought it was the light so I withdrew from the bed and turned it off, only for Ya Hamid to frighten me with his sudden utterance. "Please turn it back on" He said.
"What?" I puzzled. "I thought you were asleep already" I said turning the light on.
"No, I couldn't sleep" He said adjusting into a sitting position.
"Me too" I heaved a sigh.
"Was that the reason why you turned off the light?" He asked.
"Yes" I nodded gently.
"Okay, you know what? Turn it off again, but on one condition we will sleep right next to each other" He said making me to scoff. "Yes," he continued. "After all, we are both scared"
"Okay then" I turned the light off again and then hopped back onto the bed.
"Bismillah" He said as he hopped onto the bed as well.
There was this strange feelings the moment we were finally on the bed, even though he was lying on the other side I just couldn't have a peaceful breath.
Ya Hamid and I on the same bed? What's today's date?
I kept breathing heavily, trying all I could to stabilize my breath.
Him, on the other hand, was probably asleep already. That was what I thought until I felt him more closer to me, and before I knew it he already had his hand around my abdomen.
For some unknown reason, I tried to pull away but he held me back tightly. Making the contact to be more mutual.
Despite all that, his breathing was stable but mine wasn't. I kept breathing like I was going to lose my lungs anytime soon.
It was just an embrace from the back but I was panting, what if it was something bigger than that? Was I really ready for it? Maybe not now...
I kept thinking until I finally fell as sleep.
In the morning, I woke up and found out he wasn't on the bed. He must have left but wait a minute, why was I so tired? He must have tried waking me up but I was deeply asleep.
Anyways, I sluggishly stood and headed to the bathroom. Whatever happened between us last night after I slept, I wasn't aware so I took my spiritual bath before heading out and observing my fajr prayer.
While on the prayer mat drawing my praying beads, he came and dropped a tray on my bed. "Good morning" He said smiling. He really seemed so excited today.
"Morning" I managed to respond to him.
"I brought you something for breakfast, it's tea and some cookies. Eat and prepare for school" He said.
"Thank you" I gulped not taking my eyes off him.
"You are welcome" He gave me a wink about leaving when I halted him. "Yes, any problem?" He wrinkled a brow.
"No, just want to ask" I said.
"Okay, I am listening" He said widening his teeth.
"Did you slept with me yesterday?" I asked.
"Of course yes, we slept on the same bed" He sarcastically responded.
"No, not that. I mean, sleeping, like to... to make love with someone" I stuttered.
"Well that, I do not know" He said about leaving again when I halted him.
"Please tell me, I know I didn't feel anything but I am just curious" I said standing to me feet.
"Well," he cleared his throat. "Nothing happened between us, it was just a body contact and I am sorry if you don't like it"
"No, I... I like it!" I said as he angrily left.
What's wrong with him? Did I say something wrong?
I took the breakfast he brought to me, ate and then prepared for school.
When I headed downstairs, I met him dusting the chairs. I greeted him and told him I was living.
"Take care" He said like he was forced to and then continued with what he was doing.
I wished I had more time so I could explain to him that I was only curious, not like I didn't like what he did.
Besides, I was his wife right? He had every right to approach me or make love with me so why was he acting weird all of a sudden?
I bade him goodbye and left to school.