Morning came. Both of my bodies barely had any sleep.
When knocks rang on my door, Carine’s to be specific, I just closed my eyes, mumbling, “Just five more minutes…”
I had no motivation to move away from my bed for some reason, and that goes for both of my bodies. I wished my canopy bed would just swallow me whole, and hope the chirping birds outside of my room would lullaby me back to sleep.
Perhaps I was hoping all this worry in my head would just float away in my dreams?
Too bad, I can't even dream.
The knocks came again, each knock as gentle as the last. I felt bad for the one trying to wake me up. Like me, she obviously just wanted to get this over with, but couldn’t afford to be firm against me.
I let out a heavy sigh, rubbing my face before forcing my sluggish body to move. Every motion felt heavy, like I was wading through mud. With reluctance, I dragged myself to the door and unlocked it. As expected, it wasn’t Leila. Instead, it was another maid working here—one I barely even knew besides her face.
“Good morning, Lady Carine.”
She wore the usual polite smile every maid has, but I could tell from the subtle twitches in her brow that she was holding back a scowl, probably frustrated at how long she had to knock. I almost wanted to apologize, but the words never left my mouth.
I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, especially since now that I was the daughter of a Duke and Duchess. But, my body—No, my bodies—felt sluggish today.
“I came to fetch you. Breakfast shall be served soon,” she said with a slight bow. “Shall I help you get changed?”
It took me a moment before I nodded. Didn’t mean to hesitate, but my body felt slow, unresponsive. I felt like a puppet with frayed strings, fearing I might hurt myself if I move too fast. Even my eyes felt unfocused, staring at basically nothing.
By the time I reached the dining room, breakfast had already been set.
But today, I barely had the energy to appreciate it visually or even savor it. The greens of the salad didn’t look as vibrant, the steam from the soup looked foggy, and even the pleasant aroma of the tea did little to calm me down.
I picked up my utensils with a mindless, practiced motion.
Father was here, of course. And Mother was, too.
Both of them were quiet. And though that was expected from our daily breakfast schedule, this one felt different. It wasn’t a comfortable silence I was used to, it was like a weight crushing down on my chest.
It made my every movement even more sluggish, and every breath felt like it was taken underwater.
But still, my body moved. My hands, despite the hollowness I felt, continued to bring food to my mouth in a timely, practiced manner. Before long, my plates were empty, and I wasn’t even sure I tasted anything.
Mother was the first to rise. She didn’t say a word, her face as cold and unreadable as ever. A servant hurried to open the door for her, and she left without so much as a glance in my direction.
That left only me and Father at the table.
I sat there for a moment, debating whether I should say something. Clearly, this empty feeling in my chest could only be filled by answers. But after last night… after my attempt at an investigation… I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ask.
I was about to leave the table as well. I pushed my chair back, about to leave, but then…
Father cleared his throat.
I looked up to face him, and only then did I notice.
His usually straightforward eyes were slightly dimmer. His beard didn’t look nearly as well-groomed as it usually did. His posture, usually so relaxed yet regal, wasn’t nearly as much.
Father… he was as troubled as I was.
“Carine…” Father hesitated, his voice quieter than usual. “About your Mother… I’m sure her words affected you quite harshly…”
His tone was softer than I expected, almost as if he was hesitant. Was he unsure of how to approach the topic? Clearly, this wasn’t something easy to talk about. Check latest chapters at 𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝⁂𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕖⁂𝕟𝕖𝕥
As for Father’s comment… I didn’t respond to it.
I wasn’t yet sure what I was feeling.
Was it just the young side of me feeling down because I was grounded?
Was it the fact that she lashed out at me in a harsh manner?
Or was it my fear of disappointing Mother due to my reckless actions?
…No… I was still unsure.
I had a feeling this was something different. Something unnatural. Whatever it was, it was bothering me to no end.
Sensing that the oppressive silence was filling the room, I decided to speak up.
“Mother… where is she heading?”
“To her room,” he said, his voice trailing off. “I believe she’s exhausted after all that’s happened. She needs some time to clear her mind.”
“What about the interrogations?”
Father shook his head. “This isn’t the time for her to worry about that. Those interrogations can be handled by the knights.”
After a brief moment of silence, Father let out a sigh. A tired, exhausted sigh.
“Carine…” he said, resting on the back of his chair. “Your mother… she only wants the best for you; she always has. I’m sure you understand that, after all that’s happened, she would be worried about you.”
I nodded silently, understanding his points.
The capital was just recently attacked after all, and I happened to be one of the many involved in the aftermath. Some would say that lightning never strikes the same place twice, but I was sure tempting fate by going out during such times.
I was in such a hurry to train myselves… I failed to see how it would affect others.
But still, it still felt off.
“Father,” I called out to him.
He faced me slowly, an eyebrow raised. “Yes?”
“Do you know why Mother… acted like that?”
He blinked as if surprised by the question. “As I said before. It’s out of concern for your safety, Carine.”
“...No,” I shook my head slightly. “I refuse to believe that’s all there is to it.”
Time seemed to pause. Father stared at me silently, his eyes seemingly curious.
Then, he exhaled, leaning back in his chair. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. Truthfully, no. I don’t know why she is acting this way. Even with worry in her heart, she would never lash out at you, nor would she call Leila…” Father stopped his words abruptly, shooting his gaze to the side. “Never mind.”
His admission surprised me. I was sure he was trying to keep things away from me. But from the way he looked to the distant sky through the window, he was just as lost as I was.
I had no more words left. My chest continued to weigh on me, unbearably so. But I felt like it was slightly lighter.
Father’s words were surprisingly calming. Knowing that he was still as gentle as ever, I was a bit relieved.
So, I pushed back my chair and stood up. “I’ll be in my room, Father.” I gave a bow and said my formalities, “Have a good day.”
Father nodded, watching as I left the dining hall.
My break would end the next day. Coincidentally, Leila’s would, too. Although I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible, I ended up wishing for it to end early.
Perhaps a tight training schedule would be the best way to take my mind off things. For now, though, I decided that this would be a good day to just do… nothing.
I really needed that alone time.