What the fuck was I thinking?
You wasn't. Ruken growls.
The entire time my anger got the best of me and I didn't think before I even spoke.
Nothing Keava said will I hold her too in the least. It is all my fault on what she said. It hurt me when she was blunt honest on her feelings about having kids with me and she has every right.
With a sigh, I walk back to the chair and slump down. Letting out a lung full of air and hang my head in my hands, as my elbows rest of my legs. I grip my hair and try to control my breathing back down to normal.
I let Keava walk out to give her time to cool down. The last thing she needs is for me to be right on top of her right after what just happened.
Right when she was walking to the door, I immediately regretted everything that came from my mouth.
My own anger had me pulling Ruken forward, but he was actually fighting to stay in the back of my mind and not come to the front. Ruken kept growling at me to keep my mouth shut to end the fight, and not wanting to have nothing to do with the fight I caused.
My heart breaks when I feel the bond to Keava shut off with her putting a block up. I deserve this.
Everything I do is to protect her and now I truly understand the importance of watching the way things are worded. Yes, I am willing to lay my life down to protect everyone in this pack and for Keava. Honestly, I thought she knew that.
I don't see it as a suicide mission but just protecting everyone here. It is true I don't know much about the originals like she does but I hate the idea of her fighting against them. Since she is human now, it is easier for her to fall and the thought of her not living kills me.
Since this spell, I have had a few dreams and they feel so real in a way about just how easy it is for me to loose her.
You're doing this to yourself now. If mate will not forgive you then I am done. You human can forget shifting with my help. Ruken growls and bares his teeth in the back of my mind.
Once Keava cools off some, I want to talk this through and not fight again.
Standing from the chair, I make my way to the bedroom. With a small open of the door, I can see Keava is not here. So, I close the door and walk down the stairs.
"Well, I see you're still alive." Conan nods looking me up and down.
I sigh and rub my hands down my face. "I fucked up."
"We all do man. Every mated pair or couple will go through fights. It is the making up and making it right that matters." Conan gives me a sad look.
How well do I remember the fights him and Jasel had. Especially when Jasel found out she was pregnant and her fears were the same as Keava's other than Jasel was concerned about going dark and having a kid to witness that like she had with her mother.
"Come on dinner is ready." Conan pats my back.
We walk in silence to the dining room and I see the ladies putting the food on the table. No sign of Keava anywhere, my heart starts to beat a little faster.
Jasel steps out and sits a bowl down, before sitting in the chair next to Chester. She looks up to me and her eyes go wide.
"Where is Keava?" Jasel looks around.
Conan steps up behind her and whispers in her ear. Jasel's gets a sad look and nods slowly.
"She probably won't feel like eating." Jasel whispers.
I sit down as Jasel hands Chester one of the rolls, showing everyone else they can start filling their plate. Right now, I am not hungry myself in the least.
With Blaze not being here for dinner has me hoping that he is with Keava and at least speaking with her to help her calm down. I deserve him being mad at me too and will take it if he wishes to let me have an ear full. I know how close Keava is to Blaze with her seeing him as an older brother.
My eyes widen some when I see Blaze walk in from the back door and take a seat within ten minutes of everyone eating. Taking a glance around, I still don't see Keava anywhere.
"Was Keava with you?" I whisper to him off to my side.
"No? I haven't seen her since she was fixing to unleash on your backside." Blaze raises an eyebrow.
I curse under my breath and stand from the chair. I take quick steps to the kitchen and unlock the safe, her blades are still there. Blaze, Jasel, and Conan step up behind me.
"What happened?" Blaze looks at me.
"I said some stupid shit and we ended up in a fight. I threatened to lock her in the basement to keep her safe from the nest that may or may not be coming. After that I let her walk out to cool down because I knew I was wrong, since then I haven't seen her and apparently no one else has."
Jasel covers her mouth. "You pulled a Conan." She whispers and lets go of her mouth, her face telling me she is angry with me too.
I nod and stay silent.
"Where could she have gone though?" Conan looks up.
"I don't know. She put a block up for our bond." I sigh and run my hands down my face once more.
"Keava is good at hiding if she wants too." Blaze sighs.
"That doesn't help." I let out a small growl.
"May I remind you Alpha, it is your over protectiveness that started this." Jasel fumes.
"I am sorry." I get stopped by Jasel raising a hand.
"I get that but I just linked her and I know she is safe and somewhere still on pack land. That is all I know for now. The only thing I can say is it will take a lot more than a sorry to fix this from personal experience." Jasel sighs and seems to start calming down.
I nod my head. That is something else I am working on, because Keava hates flowers so that is out the door.
"A spell won't work either. I just tried to link her and see if she will tell me where she is more in detail but she warned me she has the one little pendant to where she can't be tracked. Keava has kept it with her bag since I gave it to her all those years ago and guess it stays there. So, as long as she has the bag close by her no spell can trace her down." Blaze sighs.
Since he agreed to be in the pack we brought him in the night after the spell.
Without saying another word, I walk through the back door and out to the training area. Right now, Keava wants space and I have to grant it to her. At least she is safe on pack lands for now, and I don't want to do anymore damage than what I have already done.