One of my bad habits. If there was something that bothers me, it would plague on my mind.
Questions always popped in my head about them. Are Barra and Niki really dating or is it just a rumor? I felt my stomach twisted just thinking they were together.
My memory told me exactly what Niki looked like. Shit. I was becoming more jealous like a girl in high school. I tried to instill in my brain that me and Barra were just friends and he would never have thought about Jazzlin any more than that.
His instant change in mood made me sure there was something I didn't know even the real Jazzlin. Should I ask him what's wrong? But I was too selfish. I didn't want my heart to hurt if I really know. Afraid his statement would hurt myself.
I closed my eyes, feeling the spray of water splashed my face. I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror.
All the details of Jazzlin's fluffy face clearly visible. Her eyes flushed a little like she was about to cry. My breath became less effective, slower, and tiring. I wanted to cry. So whiny, I grumbled to myself then took a tissue to wipe my wet face.
I walked out to the door and found Barra was leaning beside the door to the restroom.
"Dammit, you startled me." I said still with a tissue stuck to my face.
He chuckled. His good mood was back. He held my hand. "Are we going home?" I asked curiously then threw the tissue into the dustbin.
"We're going somewhere else." He said, leading the way.
I didn't know where he wanted to take me. During the trip in the car I just stared at the road. My heart wavered after hearing things that could make me jealous. I wasn't have a reason for that, but my heart wanted what it wants.
"You've been quiet." I heard him mutter softly, I didn't look at him, still looking at the other riders who were busy heading for their respective destinations.
"We'll be there in a minute." He told me. Hearing that I didn't answer since earlier, he asked again. His tone sounded concerned. "Did something happen?" I could assure you that his face was filled with shackling emotions.
"Nothing happened." I answered very slowly, really softly.
"I don't believe it when women said that, but I'll pretend to believe it to make you happy." He said again.
"Okay." It was better that way, because if he was insisting, I didn't know what to answer or how to explain.
We arrived at a hill that was soaring beautifully with grass that gave the view even more amazing. My eyes sparkled to see the beauty from all corners of the city.
"I usually come here to reconcile my mind." He spoke right next to me.
"If you come here now that means something is bothering you." I was getting to the point. I saw his movements were uncomfortable. His gaze stared blankly ahead. "Does this have something to do with Niki?" God knows how I wanted to slap my mouth. His eyes widened at me, sharply. "You can tell me, I'm your best friend." I pressed my lips together.
"Do you believe the trash rumors they asked?" His eyebrows arched.
"What?" I blinked.
"You believe it." It was statement, not the answer to my question. "Why do you believe it?" His eyes flickered with hurt. He raked his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "You should've asked me about the truth, not concluding it yourself." I wasn't saying anything when seeing those enchanting eyes flashed hurt just because of my ignorance who easily believed in things.
His hand gently touched my hair, I closed my eyes in each of his soft caresses. "Have those cheap rumors been bothering you since earlier?" Instantly I opened my eyes. "That's why you were silent?"
He was waiting for my answer. Like my answer was important to him. "I don't know." I answered haltingly. "I need time to figure out what I really feel." His eyes were still fixed on mine. Slowly his hands grabbed my waist, closing the remaining distance between us. My legs turned into jelly, I felt a tremor to the spine.
He brought his face forward to my right ear then whispered deeply, "Let me know when you're realize how you feel. I'll always waiting for that day." My lips trembled, my face heated up, and my breath was short. "And..." He stopped as he raised his face again to get a whole view of my face, "Niki means nothing to me."
I gasped, noticing he was leaning closer. He pressed his thumb against my lips. I was breathing hard as his thumb gently stroked my lips until it was parted. "We'd better go home now." He turned away his gaze and left me who was dumbfounded, not knowing how to breathe anymore. He gave me all mixed feelings that I'd never felt before. The fear of falling in love, the fluttering feeling of flutter, the feeling of being cared for, the feeling of affection, and the fear of losing the one I loved.
The two of us didn't talk to each other on the way home, deathly silent. I was busy with my thoughts, as well as with him. I didn't even dare to look at his face after what happened. Especially, the rain started to pour down the road, the grumbling voice was like a sign that my heart was full of uncertainty and fear that was clearly starting to feel heavy in my chest.
It was the first feeling I ever felt, and somehow this feeling scared me so much.
When we arrived at the mansion, the atmosphere was so quiet that I just walked in and followed him behind. Right in front of my room, I looked back where he had also stopped in front of his room. "Thank you." I spoke softly. He looked busy with his thoughts and didn't notice my words. "I'm coming in now." I couldn't be near him in long time or this heart would explode like a bomb.
"Jazzlin." I stopped, hearing him call me by my name, without the nickname he used to use.
"Ye---" I was about to look back when his hands was hugging me from behind.
"Thank you." His breath blew right at my neck gave me goosebumps from head to toe. "Get some rest." He whispered again before finally releasing both of his hands. I froze until I heard his room's door opened then closed. I immediately turned around and didn't find him. He was already inside.
I couldn't concentrate properly. Until the next day my concentration got distractions. His face appeared in my mind regardless of what I was doing. It was all about him.
I couldn't go on this way, I needed something else to divert my mind.
I was currently sitting on the bench of the garden accompanied by Elsa.
"That feeling exists as a sign that you are in love." She gave me her lecture with a small laugh.
I shook my head, "No way. He's just popping up in my mind but there's no way I'll fall in love." I kept dodging even though I knew the truth.
"Hey, I was like that with my lover. Initially I dodged it until I realized how much I loved him. Before it was too late I confessed my feelings." Elsa blushed at the thought of her lover named Ronald. Her boyfriend also worked for the Ainsley's. The difference was that Ronald must be loyal to accompany Barra wherever he goes on business. So, they met quite rarely.
"Aw, look at your face red as tomatoes and carrots." I was teasing her.
"Carrots are orange." She replied annoyingly.
Elsa was truly the cutest woman I'd ever met when talking about her boyfriend. Even though they had been dating for five years they were still like a middle school couple.
"Oh yeah, young lady." She seemed to remembered something.
"Just call me Jazzlin." I rolled my eyes, several times I reminded her to stop being so formal. Besides, I considered her as my own friend.
"It feels weird if I call you that." She insisted.
"Try it first." I forced her.
"Jaz-Jazzlin." Her face turned to a joyous smile after my name left her mouth. I smiled then raised my eyebrows waiting for her to continued what she was about to say.
"Tonight I got time off, so I decided to go to the bar." She stopped. "I didn't mean anything, only if you wanted to come---"
"I want to." I answered her in enthusiasm.
"But," She stopped as she was looking around, making sure no one around us. "Young Master will never let you go." Her gaze full of fear made me even more curious.
"Why?" I whispered.
Her face looked at me in disbelief, "I thought you knew all the reasons why you can't go out without guards or Young Master with you."
So far, I just realized of the fact that Jazzlin didn't do anything regarding work. She was just staying at home without taking care of anything. Sad to say, but I didn't have any memories related this one thing. "Please tell me, I'm afraid I miss something."
She took a deep breath before telling me, "It all started from your family, the Ozza family. I don't know what the reasons but, the Sanders's always tries to overthrow the Ozza's power. Especially since Haytham being a leader. He tries to bring down the Ozza's as much as possible. But, it's quite difficult when the Ainsley's always at the forefront of providing support and protection to the Ozza's."
My hand was closing my mouth. "What?"
"That's what I heard." She shrugged. "Right now the Ainsley in number one, followed by the Sanders trying to be the first."
"It means..." I paused not believing what was in my thoughts.
"Yeah, Barra and Haytham are enemies and try to bring down each other."
I was torn between Barra or Haytham.