I've never been the type to overthink things. You live, you love, you learn then you let go. That's what I always told Bella. What I always told myself.
But this boy Atlas he's like gravity. Quiet. Steady. Pulling everything toward him without saying a word.
It's only been a few weeks since we found him, but it already feels like longer. Like he's always been here. Like he belongs. And maybe… that's the part that scares me.
The night we hit him is carved into my memory like a scar. The downpour blinding my windshield, the screeching of tires from hitting the breaks, the sudden jerk from hitting his body, Bella's gasp.
I thought he died but then he moved. And when I knelt beside him, hands shaking, I felt something I hadn't felt in years.
Not fear. Not guilt. But… a connection, that I haven't felt in years. I probably felt it when I first met Charlie on that beach all those years ago.
I wrote it off as a shock. As my maternal instinct reacting. But it hasn't gone away.
The boy wakes up a few days later and tells me he doesn't remember anything. He didn't talk or do anything at first but stared at me. His eyes… those strange neon blue eyes watched me too closely, like he's studying my soul. But not in a bad way but like he was scanning if I was dangerous or not. He looked afraid of something.
I told him he can stay. Of course, I did. How could I not?
There's something about him. Not just the eyes. Not just the tragic quietness in the way he moves. But something deeper. A sadness that doesn't belong to someone his age. A loss too much for such small shoulders to carry.
There were other things I noticed besides this connection and sadness. And that was his unnatural changes. He was growing, fast, too fast for it to be a growth spurt. He can fool Bella with that lie, not me I know what a growth spurt looks like, unlike Bella who only read it a through book.
At first, I thought it was my imagination. Maybe I didn't notice his height before. Maybe the shadows made his jaw seem more angular. But no.
His clothes are tighter now. His voice has that slight echo of adolescence. His shoulders are broader than they were just days ago. He's aging like a time-lapse.
But even stranger than his body is the way he looks at me. Not like a boy looks at his guardian.
But… softer. Hungrier. Like I'm a star and he's orbiting me awed, unsure, maybe a little afraid to fall too fast and butn away. I would be lying, flat-out lying if I said it didn't make something in me stir.
It shouldn't, he's too young. It's ridiculous, it's wrong.
I don't hate somehow. I haven't been touched in years. Not since Charlie. Not since I gave up on the idea of being with someone. I gave that thought to raise Bella properly. I don't want my changing love life to affect Bella.
But when Atlas looks at me like that… it's like I'm seen again. Not as a mom. Not as a failed wife. Not as a woman past her prime. But as a woman who's still alive, a woman who's desired.
As days passed I caught myself doing stupid things.
Wearing jeans that hug a little tighter. Pulling my hair up when he's around, laughing more to his words.
I loved seeing the way Atlas's eyes darkened when I bent over, feeling the heat radiating from him when I was near… I liked the way he stared at my bare neck and exposed collarbones. How his eyes stop a moment longer at my chest.
And when I walk past him I can feel his eyes on my back, my face- I feel heat creep up my neck and face as I unconsciously find myself swaying my hips more than necessary.
Because it's innocent. Right? He's lonely. I'm lonely. We're both lost in some way. How long had it been since an opposite gender had looked at me with such open, intense desire? I can't tell. Even with Charlie such desire was long since died before our divorce.
One morning I poured a cup of coffee, my hands trembling slightly. I start thinking about my changes. It was ridiculous.
He was just a boy. A hurt, amnesiac boy I had taken in. So why did my heart pound like a drum solo every time I walked into that room? Why did I feel his gaze like a physical touch, warm and unsettling, tracing my body as I moved? When he looked at me with those impossibly blue eyes so intense, it wasn't like a child looking at an adult. It felt… hungry and appreciative. A beast looking to devour. And God help me, it sent a thrill through me that I hadn't felt in years.
But then today, Bella told me he helped her with her homework. She said he was nice. Said he feels like a big brother.
It made my stomach twist. Because that's what he should be. A friend, a brother. Not… whatever this is. Not whatever we are making out of this relation.
I wanted to stop the stupid thoughts that kept flowing through my mind. I want to stop looking at him as a possible partner no matter how beautiful he was, no matter how perfect he was.
I kept reminding myself I was too old for him he deserved someone young and beautiful but then I was making dinner and his hand brushed mine when I passed him a spoon, I felt it.
That jolt, that familiar spark that passes between us whenever we touch each other, it makes me weak to his advancement, it makes my knees buckle and my voice trembling.
Just like that all my previous determination and rationality melted instantly.
I didn't pull away from his touch and made my mind. Fuck it all, fuck the world, fuck the wrongness, rightness, morality fuck everything. I can't control myself and I won't.
At that moment I decided that I craved him and I would accept it.
Once I decided that the fragile web that held us apart broke. Tension built like static before a storm. One afternoon, Bella was at school. I was changing a bulb in the storeroom, and Atlas… he was helping me, holding the stool as I stood on it. I can feel his eyes intensely, staring at my back. Staring at my ass in my tight jeans.
But then suddenly my ankle twisted and I found myself in his embrace. My arm around his neck, his hand around my shoulder and behind my knees, carrying me effortlessly.
The contact was electric. I can feel my right breast squeezing against his surprisingly toned chest. Our faces were close. He could see the flecks of gold in my brown eyes, the faint flush on my cheeks. His gaze dropped to my lips. Mine mirrored the movement. The air buzzed in anticipation.
It was Atlas who closed the infinitesimal distance. The kiss was hesitant at first, a brush of lips, testing the boundary we had both been circling. Then a small sound unconsciously came from the back of my throat, my hand coming up to cup his jaw, and the kiss deepened.
His lips were soft, unyielding, dominating. My own yielding and submissive, completely letting him take the charge. Surprisingly he was good at it more than so anyone I had kissed before.
Our bodies pressed closer, changing positions. Before I knew it both my legs were wrapped around his waist as he held me from my thighs.
His arms traveled up slowly reaching up to my ass. He caressed it, tracing his arms all over it, slowly each cheeks were grabbed by his long fingers. He squeezed them roughly, stretching them inside the tight jeans.
He slowly walked to the wall, gently pressing my back against it. The kiss grew more urgent, exploring. His tongue brushed against my teeth, asking for permission.
My mouth slowly spread apart, giving him access to the inside. He immediately dived in. His tongue rolled around mine.
Vulgar, filthy slurping sounds were made as we exchanged saliva.
We lost more and more rationality. Our hands explored each body frantically, trying to take as much as possible.
Suddenly Atlas backed away leaving me breathless. I looked at him in confusion when the slam of the front door downstairs was heard.
I felt ice water pouring at my heated desire as Bella's voice echoed up. "Mom? I'm home!"
I sprang out of his hold, gasping. My eyes were wide, lips swollen, panic warring with the lingering heat in my gaze. Atlas stared at me, his neon blue eyes blazing, a maelstrom of guilt, triumph, and raw teenage desire churning within him. The bond hummed with satisfied warmth. Our heated moment was over, but the line had been irrevocably crossed.
And I know it will keep crossing in the future until there will be none to cross.
[An: So there's already 15+ Chapters on my Patr**n and I will upload few more before sleeping. So if you guys want to read more. Go to my Patr*on/41_Claws. There are currently 15 advance unedited chapters on it…]
Ps~ Powerstone for extra chapter tomorrow.