How long had he spent in the Black Wind Wildlands?
Ye Jun had no clue.
All he knew was that his emotional side needed to vent out its frustration on the world, so he let himself flow with its desires and moved from one place to another, slaughtering one Spiritual Beast after another.
It didn’t satisfy him. After all, Spiritual Beasts weren’t his enemies. But his rational mind kept him from making the wrong decision. He needed to wait, even if he hated the thought of it.
His emotional side wanted to storm into the Ye Clan and kill Ye Chen right before his father. But he was weak. The world reminded him of that clearly.
So, he vented out in this way.
He could feel himself growing stronger with each kill. As he had guessed previously, the Spiritual Beasts dropped Attributes, and his rational mind made sure he collected all of them.
But he didn’t remember any of it. He didn’t feel happy at the rush of warmth signaling his growth. His mind had grown half numb to most things to deal with his emotional side.
As Weaver, he survived all alone on the streets with his quick wits, tenacity, and ability to adapt to even the worst situations. That was also the time when he had subconsciously split his mind into two like this.
The need for it arose after he realized he was too emotional and had too much empathy. That was harmful in a world he was trying to survive in, but it wasn’t like he could just change his innate nature.
In those extreme situations, his mind split apart. The cold, rational part allowed him to take decisions he would never normally take and helped him survive those days, while the emotional side kept him human.
At first, the two sides of his mind hated each other. Weaver wondered if he would develop split personality disorder at that rate, but he managed to make them get used to each other.
The emotional side understood the need for the rational mind and vice versa. Usually, they lived in harmony, making up his single mind that he always used.
But in extreme situations like this, the conflict always arose. The emotional side couldn’t handle the overload of grief.
Especially since his soul had assimilated with Ye Jun’s, which strengthened his emotional side further. After all, that young man was hungry for love and care, even if he pretended otherwise.
All of this created a mess in his mind, which the current rational mind was trying to deal with. It tried to pacify his emotional side, allowing it to vent out.
It worked as Ye Jun slowly regained clarity and began to calm down, even if his emotional side was still saddened by the death of the Su family.
Perhaps, it was the part of the previous Ye Jun who cried harder after losing the only two people left who cared about him. Ye Jun soothed that part too.
’It’s all the same.’
Weaver had wanted relationships too, so after he achieved success in his career, he made some friends and lived a double life. He thought he had protected them well.
But that was a fatal mistake on his part.
His enemies found out about them. As they couldn’t do anything to him directly, they targeted his friends and killed them. It left a deep scar on his mind.
The same happened three times, which finally gave Weaver the hard truth of his life. He couldn’t be happy. He was a tool, and as long as he had enemies and he was weak, he would lose everything.
Only if he had real strength to protect everyone he cared about could he form bonds and live happily.
That day never came, and Weaver died after failing to protect everyone he cared about. It didn’t matter to him, as he had built walls around his heart to make sure he didn’t form bonds again.
After he transmigrated into this world as Ye Jun, he thought he finally had a chance to make that dream come true. After all, in this world he could gain absolute strength and protect the bonds he made.
’I failed in that.’
He closed his eyes, blood dripping from his dagger which had lost its sharpness after hours of carnage. All around him lay the dead bodies of dozens of Spiritual Beasts.
’I need to leave! I have enough,’ his rational mind said. ’It isn’t the first time you’ve been dealt with this blow. Get up! You don’t get defeated so easily! You still have to take revenge for them! WAKE UP!’
His eyes fluttered open, a new clarity returning to them as he scanned the surroundings and quickly left. The blood would definitely attract more Spiritual Beasts, and he couldn’t fight any more.
His muscles ached from the hours of strain. He had already pushed himself past his limits, and the only thing keeping him moving was the warmth of the Attributes.
Ye Jun gripped the dagger’s hilt tightly and swore, ’I am sorry, Uncle, Wan’er. I failed you. But I promise I won’t let your killers live a happy life either. I hope your souls rest in peace.’
He was thankful to his rational mind for bringing him here. It allowed him to calm down and push the grief to the back of his mind. His emotional side still grieved for the departed ones, but that also meant it had taken the back seat.
But it wasn’t gone. It would help him, just like always. It was himself. It was him.
Releasing a pent-up breath, he went to the Mercy River and cleaned himself thoroughly. Then, he cleaned the dagger and made his way back toward his home after taking a roundabout path.
Fortunately, he was familiar with the outskirts of the Black Wind Wildlands, so he found his way out.
By the time he reached his humble hut, the Crimson Moon hung high in the air, showering the world with its beautiful moonlight.
Ye Jun pushed open the door and found Meihui standing there, eyes full of tender emotion as she raised her hands. Her gaze begged him to take her gentle embrace and let her comfort his wounds.
He didn’t know what came over him, but he needed that badly. He embraced her, eyes closed, as he let the night empty his sadness.
One night was enough.