I got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen, it’s Saturday, Mrs. Liam is on vacation, the kitchen looks very clean, it makes me not intend to cook anything moreover my mind is in chaos, finally my feet take me to the music room. I grabbed my guitar and sat on the long couch by the window, putting my feet up on the couch and folding my knees. I had no idea to sing a song my mind was full, I got up from the couch, put the guitar back in its place and returned to the living room where the television was still playing the same movie a moment ago. Rani came when I was just sitting on the sofa, she smiled giving a charming and cheerful smile like Ranila Al Abraham.
“Tomorrow we’re all going to Caroline’s engagement party, Dad’s coming too.”
Rani sits next to me, I move the television broadcast to another broadcast.
“What is this?? Where is Sean??” Rani’s voice was shrill and pierced my ears like sharp, cold flakes of ice, the second Caroline was here.
“He came out a while ago, I don’t know where,” I answered as needed, my gaze fixed on the television broadcast showing savanna life, while my mind was busy thinking about where my husband was.
“You’re fighting??!”
What’s up with all the people who can read the situation so observantly?? I hate people who have very good intuition. I was just silent in response to Rani’s question, even my Inner Goddess pursed her lips inward. I glanced at Rani who seemed to be calling someone her expression was angry, I chose not to care.
“Where are you??! ... I’m in your apartment with your wife, what’s this?? You guys fight and you run?? ... Are you a man?? You coward, Sean!!”
My mouth and throat are dry, I thank Rani for wanting to help me, but on the other hand I want to solve this myself, but hearing Rani scold Sean I feel happy, they all support me and don’t want to see me fighting with bossy, angry, stubborn master, possessive, jealous, perverted, sexy, handsome and rich.
“Sean can be hard to understand sometimes but I know he tries his best for your relationship, I think you must already know a lot about him.”
Should I dig up information from Rani about Sean?? Isn’t this an exaggeration?? My senses smile and agree with my thoughts, Rani is not someone else and that’s normal, but I’m like irresponsible, My Inner Goddess looks at me with a wary look.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on him.” I tried to put out a sentence that sounded neutral, I don’t know how far and how deep Rani knows Sean, does he know all those heartbreaking things??
Rani apparently didn’t want to discuss further about Sean and I was a little relieved of my anxiety, she also invited me to cook something in the kitchen, we discussed light and natural topics, she was funny, chatty, cheerful, intelligent, loving and mature, I was a little entertained by being here. Rani has just removed the contraceptive she has been using for a year to get pregnant. This discussion reminded me of my promise to go to Grace’s doctor, my attention was distracted by the dishes we cooked, Rani cooks lasagna she is also a great cook.
I put the rest of the lasagna in the refrigerator after Rani came home, even now Sean hasn’t shown up. Where is he going?? Is he with his ex-girlfriend?? My head throbbed in pain at the thought of that possibility. I yawned and decided to sleep, if he doesn’t come home tonight I really have to talk to him tomorrow.
**
While I was trying to sleep and not wait for Sean, my mind just wouldn’t stop conjuring up disturbing thoughts. I glanced at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, it would soon be midnight and Sean had no sign of his whereabouts. I got out of bed and left the room, it was dark, only the light from outside the balcony lit up the living room and living room. I walked in anxiously, then I heard the sound of liquid being poured into a container from the direction of the bar. When I stepped over to the bar to check if anyone was there, Sean sat at the bar counter with a half bottle of borboun left, and a shot glass filled with the damned drink. I looked at him with guilt, the smell of alcohol so wafted from his direction made me nauseous and a little dizzy, how much did he drink??! Was my fault this serious to make him drink and get drunk?? I twisted my fingers in front of my body, this guilt slowly killing me.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a trembling voice, I didn’t mean to hurt him. Silence stretched between us and it was torturing me so much, I hated him for just being silent like this.
“Sean, please say something, I know you are very angry with me because of my ridiculous curiosity, I promise not to mention it again, but please don’t be silent.”
I will do anything for her so that she doesn’t settle down with me like this, I can’t stand it if she is like this to me. I fought the tears that were jostling to get out, Sean took a deep breath and then exhaled.
“I don’t deserve you, Ariana.”
The sentence was like a cold shard of ice, sharp and stuck all over my body, my heart sank, my Inner Goddess was hiding behind her red sofa wrapping herself in her thick blanket, while my mind was trying to finish her crossword book, I slowly approached this poor man , the atmosphere is very quiet at this time, the light from outside the balcony is not bright enough as well as the yellow bar light. I stood right next to him, staring at his wrinkled and gloomy face, the sadness on his face etched deeper into my heart, why is he like this again??
My hand moved to reach his hand holding the shot glass, I stroked the surface of the platinum ring he was wearing with my thumb, a sad smile appeared on my face, I hope this ring is more than enough to prove that he is worthy of me. I brought the ring to my lips and kissed it, I turned his big hand gently so I could see his palm, brought it to my cheek and held it there with my right hand, then looked at the owner of that hand with all my emotional love.
“You deserve me and all my love, Sean, you more than deserve.” I leaned on his hand that was on my cheek, he smiled in the dim light his golden nets gleamed with joy and love. His free hand pulls me closer to him, I move my face a little so I can plant a kiss on his palm and look back at him, I smile with a vision blurred by tears. I want, at some point in her life, to feel that she deserves to be loved, that she deserves to be with me and not dwell on this pathetic bullshit. My arms wrapped around his neck, the smell of borboun made me uncomfortable when his breath hit my face and was about to kiss me, my index finger stopped his intention, I don’t like his current state. I know he’s drunk and needs sleep, not sex.
“Come on, big guy, you need some sleep,” I suggested then led him to our room leaving the mini bar. I took off his Converse shoes and socks as his body fell on the bed, then took off the shirt he was wearing, not a day goes by without admiring his perfectly sculpted body. I planted a kiss right above his heart then removed the buckle, buttoned his jeans and let go of the thing.
I smiled as I looked at Sean who was currently half naked on the bed, his eyes closed as if he was asleep, I cleaned the clothes he was wearing and took him to the laundry room. A few minutes later, I joined him in bed, I covered him with the blanket, I looked at his peaceful face in his sleep. Who said marriage was easy?? I gave him a deep kiss on his thick forehead, then whispered the word my love as an antidote to his nightmares before I also followed him into dreamland.