More warm tears gushed out of her grey eyes.
Every single word managed to tear the strings of her heart.
It just pained her. To no end.
She felt nothing but pain.
Pain of a woman.
Who had been through nothing but atrocities in her life.
Who had no idea what she was doing and let the mission if revenge completely grasp her senses.
She suppressed all other emotions brewing within her. She crushed those little emotions that could have given her life. A new meaning to her life. And she rather jotted it down on that diary which was now in Sheharzaad's hands.
'Haider, I noticed all your efforts today. To make us a complete family. To repair us. Today you told me that you loved me. 16th September. I will always remember the date. I will always remember how you held my hands under the shade of the shade of that large pine tree. I will always remember how you arrested my eyes with yours and uttered the words that you had been planning to... since days. I noticed your struggle. I always did. But my heart is too barren to love. Or love back. Or to give any love. I can't love you despite trying. I can't love you because of your father. Every second of your presence reminds me of him. Every second I spend with you, reminds me how I was forced in this marriage. No, I'm not playing a victim card. I know I'm culprit. I'm culprit of you all. Irtaza, Shehryaar, Dua, You. Everyone. But I am helpless. As helpless as anyone. I wish I could love you all. We all can be a normal family. Where I can too utter those words of love back to you. I did not say silent to your admission today for nothing. i wish I could have hugged you. Nuzzled my face in your warm embrace and narrated everything to you. Every burden that I've been carrying. The pain of my heart. But I can't. I can't. My heart id drawn to you... Haider.
Your Jahan
16th September, 1986
'Shehryaar, I pray, when you grow up and become a big man, you bring me justice. I don't know whether I'll be alive or not but I just want you to know the truth that my heart has been keeping in it... for years. I know I won't be alive when justice will be served to me. Because if I carried on with this baggage of pain in my heart, it will explode. It will burst into pieces. It will make me kill myself one day. Your mama is broken. So broken to give you any love. The healing power motherhood could have given me had died. Long ago. With my will to live. These are just words but not meaningless, your mama loves you. She does,'
20th August, 1988
Your ammi (mom)
'I'm aware that I'm your culprit Haider. Today, Omer came to the house. And I drunk that poison once again. I killed myself again without killing myself. I don't know what I am doing. But this brain of mine makes me feel right. It makes me want to hang on to everything which Shabbir Haider Syed deprived me of. The most important of it was Omer whom I had always loved. Because of whom I rejected your proposal... and then.... that man raped me... wish I could tell you his identity. He walks in this haveli infront of my eyes. My rapist walks infront of me all the time but I can't do anything. I simply can't do anything'
19th November, 1989
Your Jahan. Noor-e-Jahan.
Sheharzaad searched every nook and corner of that diary. But she did not find his name. The diary contained more of Jaha Ara's emotional turmoil and nothing much. Her small letters to her family. Irtaza, Shehryaar, Dua and Haider. Occasionally to her parents and Omer as well.
Reading all of it, made her heart heavy with sorrow. That woman was the brink of committing suicide but only her revenge had kept her sane. After reading her notes, Sheharzaad became aware that Jaha Ara loved Haider but she was being with Omer only to get her revenge. Only to please her mind. Only to let her mind win the battle between her heart and her mind.
These truths, her reality shook Sheharzaad to the core and she became more than eager to let the truth be revealed to Shehryaar.
She knew where to go with that diary.
She knew....
....
"I'm Sheharzaad," she responded to one of the security guards who stood infront of the posh and huge house.
"Who Sheharzaad?" His voice was rough and hard and he was staring at her with a skeptic eye.
"I'm....Shehryaar Haider Syed's.... wife," she said with difficulty. This reality was still hard to accept. She had told Shehryaar today that she wanted to go out alone and spend time with just herself and he tagged the driver and some security guards along with her.
The colors flew from the security guard's face as he immediately opened the door.
"Please come madam," the tone of his voice immediately changed as he opened the door for her.
"Is Agha at home?" she asked.
"He is,"
"Can I meet him?"
"I'll inform, sir. Please, I'll lead you the way to drawing room,"
"Thank you," she said as the man led her to the sitting area.
A few minutes later an aged man entered the room and Sheharzaad instantly recognized he was the one who she was looking for.
She stood up from the sofa.
"Assalam alaikum," he greeted after a few moments of silence. He was waiting for Sheharzaad to greet him since he was elder but she only passed her a hard look.
"Can we talk?" she said, without replying to his salam.
"Young lady, you seem flustered,"
Sheharzaad tried calming herself. It was not the time to show emotions.
"Oh sir, I apologize. I actually have a little fight with my husband," she lied.
"It's fine, daughter. Please sit,"
"Sure. Thank you,"
"What is that you want to talk about?" Agha asked.
"Before I start, I just want you to know, I'll not tell anyone about this conversation. It'll remain between just both of us,"
"You're making me curious,"
"Sir, I actually found a diary somehow. It is Jaha Ara's," And she saw how colors flew from his face.
"What?" A spontaneous whisper escaped his lips.
"Yes... and here she says... that she was... raped and Shehryaar's grandfather knew the person. Since you are his close friend, I came at your door to seek some help in finding me that person,"
"I never knew about Shabbir and his mafia affairs. I was just a friend he kept to business,"
"You know. I know, you do,"
"I've to go somewhere. We can talk about this some other day,"
"No," Sheharzaad shook her head, looking straight in her eyes, "you're not going anywhere,"
"Come in!" She shouted and it was then a team of gun men came inside. Haroon had helped her in replacing the body guards which Shehryaar tagged along with her with Haroon's personal security. In that way, Shehryaar would never know what his wife has been upto.
"Take him to the location," She commanded and Agha was brought to his knees with a gun against his neck.
....
Back at the haveli, after a long time, everyone has gathered in the lounge to watch a comedy show together.
Irtaza, Zahra, Little Mujtaba, Chahat, Shehryaar, Sheharzaad, Ammara, Asma, Haider, Haroon, Saif, Alizey and their grandmother. The pure feeling of the family sitting together really overwhelmed the heart of everyone when Asma looked longingly at the main door.
She missed her son, Haseeb. She wished he could come through that door and hug her and kiss her forehead as he used to do before. It just clenched her heart. And she controlled her tears. Sheharzaad sat beside her and noticed gloominess in her eyes. She placed her hand on Asma's shoulder and smiled at her. It made Asma feel good and she side hugged, Sheharzaad.
She wronged the girl in her pride. She shouldn't have. That pride was crushed now.
At the same time, Haider too looked at the door. Despite they all sat together, he still felt incomplete without his dear daughter, Dua. Day and night, he wondered where Dua was and in what situation. Was she alive? Or dead? Did she know of her dearest grandfather's death?
He wished he could hug her. Often he felt a pain in his heart, a stabbing pain and he kept it to himself. He knew his time was coming. His life was shortening. His breaths were now numbered. But he really wanted to meet and hug Dua.
He pried the sad thoughts away from his mind and focused it on his family. They all sat together, after so long and he was happy. But he did miss Haseeb's presence.
They were halfway into the show when suddenly the main door opened grabbing everyone's attention.
"Assalam alaikum," And walked in Haseeb, holding Dua's hand.
They never expected it...