: Balls
→Narrator: Asa
"I told you Kam would rip out a nigga's balls for ya. And you thought I was joking." Kosi clucked her tongue thoughtfully at me.
I choked on the water I was drinking, exploding into a coughing fit. "What the hell, Kosi?"
"What? What did I say wrong?"
"Um... Besides that derogatory term? Gee! Let me think!" I said, sarcastically.
"I didn't say nothing wrong. Here, drink up!" She shoved another bottle of water in my face.
Just when I was about to protest, she snapped. "And Amir, get your smoochy arms off of my bestie. She can stand on her own damn feet."
Amir gingerly retracted his arms from around my waist, his movements slow and cautious, like he thought I'd fall again.
"See? She's a strong and independent black chic!"
"Kosi, can you shut up? You're giving me a headache." I groaned, pressing a hand to my throbbing head.
"Oh, you gon' get more than a headache when we reach home, you hear? Damn, Asa! What did that douchebag say to get good ol' sweet, loving Kam mad as hulk?"
I shivered, remembering how Kam just beat up Teriq. "I don't want to talk about it, Kay." I groaned.
Kosi sighed, understanding. "Fine. Okay."
"We need to find Lola and get out of here."
I wasn't comfortable staying here with the possibility of running into Teriq again. I should have just taken up Kam's offer and stayed at home with him.
He was my favourite thing.
"Bummer." Kosi protested. "I was actually enjoying the party. But there's an animal on the loose, so I guess we really need to book it."
I suddenly felt sad. I just had to ruin this party for everyone, didn't I?
"Hey, Asa!" Somebody suddenly greeted, walking into the kitchen, where it was only me, Kosi and Amir.
We all looked up.
It was Devon.
"Wanted to apologize personally. My cousin is kind of a asshole."
"Kind of?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Okay, a big one." He conceded and we all started laughing.
"Hey, Queen, can we talk for a sec?" His voice dropped to a whisper and he concentrated solely on Kosi.
I saw Kosi hesitate. "Um, I dunno, Devon. I mean, we're supposed to be heading out in a moment."
I watched Devon's face fall and I immediately felt worse.
"No, it's okay, Kosi. You can go with him. We'll wait." I told her. "We still need to find Lola anyway," I added, when I saw her hesitate.
Kosi bit her lip thoughtfully as she considered this.
Kosi confuses me. And I think the only reason she confuses me is because she was confused.
When Teriq and co came to see us yesterday, back when I was still trying to avoid Kam, Kosi kept glancing at Devon and she had confided in me and Lola and in her own words, she said: Bitches, I think I just found me a fling. She found Devon hot and I know she didn't mind messing with him this break. A Christmas holiday fling. Nothing more.
But last night, she had kissed Jemi and they had probably gone all the way in her room and they seemed cool with it the next morning. I wanted so badly to ask how things stood with him, because Jemi really liked her and I don't know if she felt the same. I didn't want him getting his heart hurt.
Kosi is just fresh out of a break up with a guy she's really loved for two years and I think all her emotions are jumbled in a heap. I don't want her breaking any hearts or getting her own heart broken in the end, just 'cause she doesn't know what she wants.
Talking with Devon, she may be able to tell if she likes him or not and hopefully know where to go from there. I didn't want her to miss this opportunity to sort out her shit.
"Go with him, Kosi. I'll be fine with Amir." I urged her. "You better take care of her." I glared at Devon who honestly looked like he just won a lottery.
"I will. Cross my heart." He assured me.
Kosi casted me one last worried glance but I only smiled assuredly at her.
It was when she was gone, I noticed the stark silence in the kitchen... I was left with Amir... Alone.
Shit!
I did not think this through.
He spoke first.
"Look, I'm sorry, Asa."
His voice was soft, a gentleness, cradling his usual husky tone.
I looked at him, those intense orbs of quicksilver. He had a tiny furrow on his forehead and his gaze was as intense and deep as it has always been.
"For?" I asked, confused.
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "For everything. Talking to you like that. In the library. I had no right to do so, especially after acting like I hated you in the beginning. You're Kam's girl and I'm not supposed to fall in love with you."
I avoided his gaze, deciding it was too much for me. "You're not in love with me, Amir. Stop saying that."
He was quiet for a moment, staring at me so intently, it pierced holes into my soul. And then, a wry smile appeared on his lips. A sad, wistful, heartbroken tug of his lips that only communicated his pain.
Suddenly, he reached out, taking my right hand and placing it on his chest, right were his heart was beating...
No, that's not the word...
His heart was racing.
Beating much faster than it should have been, I thought he'd die of a heart attack any moment.
I stared at him and he stared at me.
He wasn't smiling anymore.
"You feel that? My heart?"
I could only gulp and look away but his voice held me captive.
"You can feel it. Can't you? My heart. It's racing. It's going crazy like that because of you, Asa. I'm going crazy because of you. I have no fucking idea why, but from the moment I first saw you, I've not been able to think straight. From the moment I first saw you, you made my heart race. That shit got me so scared to be around you. Tying me in fucking knots and fucking up my senses till I can't think properly until I'm away from you. I can't be around you without losing my damn mind. This is madness, Asa. I'm in love with you."
I closed my eyes, his words, stabbing my heart.
"I don't think I've ever acted like such a fool for any girl. I've acted like a damn animal to you and I just want to apologize. How I've been acting. It's wrong. You don't deserve it. Kam doesn't deserve it. I know I'm a bad friend for feeling this way about you and I'm sorry."
"Well, will you stop, then."
He let go of my hand now and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "That's the problem, Asa. I don't think I can stop even if I tried. Fuck, if I could, I fucking would."
My heart squeezed in my chest. "Amir-"
"It's true, Asa. I want to kiss you so badly right now, it hurts so fucking bad. I know, I fucked up, trying to deny my feelings for you for so long. But I see your face and I just can't lie to myself anymore and deny how you make me feel. And that dress..."
His eyes never left mine and I trembled under his gaze. "That dress is enough to run any hotblooded male mad."
My legs buckled under me and I held the table for support.
"I've never had a girlfriend before. Never felt this way before. I don't know how this shit works and I'm fucking clueless. Like, is it supposed to hurt this bad?... Are you supposed to want to betray a friend for love?"
I gulped, taking a step back. "I'm sorry, Amir. But I don't know what to say."
"There's nothing to say, is there? You love him."
"I do." I maintained his stare.
"Then I've already lost."
"Good. Will you stop this foolishness now?"
His reply was simple. "No."
"Amir!"
"What part of 'I can't stop myself even if I tried', don't you understand?"
I frowned at him and he stared back at me. His eyes held a seriousness and intensity in them that only he could pull off.
"I don't know how long Kosi is going to take with Devontae and Lola is MIA."
I raised an eyebrow at him, wanting him to go straight to the point.
"Dance with me, Asa."
"You can't be serious." I protested.
He rolled his eyes. "It's just a dance. We need to keep an eye on her and I need to keep an eye on you."
"Yeah, but why do you have to dance with me to do that?"
His eyes were smiling now. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a very good looking guy-"
"With an ego the size of Jupiter." I interrupted him.
His eyes shone brighter. " I can't count how many greenlights have been thrown my way tonight. With you in my arms, that should keep the other girls away."
I thought about this carefully. "Good point." I decided. "But you have to promise to be on your best behaviour."
"I can't promise something I'm already pathetically failing at, Asa." Those grey eyes, usually stoic and expressionless, increased in intensity. It felt like I was looking at the brightest star in the universe. "But, I'll try."
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