Whether the village plow mule needed rest, Kazuki didn't know—but right now, he was pretty sure even a plow mule had it better than him.
"Come on! I just got back!" he muttered, thoroughly disgruntled.
After returning to Konoha with Kitsune and Kakashi, they'd reported the completed mission, logged their merit points, and were officially granted a three-day break. Kitsune and Kakashi both went off to enjoy their time—but just as Kazuki was about to find Guy for some youthful passion training...
He got snagged by Minato Namikaze.
"Kazuki," Minato said, eyes subtly narrowing, "what you told my teacher last time... what if Suzaku were to find out..."
Kazuki reflexively tugged up his waistband.
The hell!? Isn't that my line?
Shouldn't I be the one saying "You wouldn't want X to find out, would you?"?
"Let's go. Jiraiya-sensei was excited when he heard you were back," Minato said flatly.
Kazuki coughed, looking for an excuse to escape.
If Minato was already looking at him , then once he got roped into "story plotting" with Jiraiya, he might actually die on the spot.
"This time, Jiraiya-sensei reserved the Akimichi Clan's yakiniku restaurant... he's got premium beef on the grill."
"I'm coming," Kazuki answered instantly, tone crisp and decisive.
He and Kakashi had seen that high-grade beef last time. The price tag alone was enough to make him wince. Even with his current cold-blooded pragmatism, Kazuki had balked at ordering it.
Besides, his relationship with Kakashi back then wasn't as solid as now.
Still, he was curious—what did such expensive beef taste like? Meat is meat, right?
Arriving at the grillhouse, Kazuki spotted Jiraiya waving enthusiastically from a booth.
Kazuki scratched his head. Damn shame he didn't have blonde hair—maybe then he could've convinced Jiraiya he was the Child of Prophecy.
"Haha! Kazuki, my man! I brought a new manuscript this time!" Jiraiya beamed.
Minato, seated across from him, twitched at the corners of his mouth, shooting Kazuki a pointed look.
Kazuki sighed internally.
Why are you looking at me like that? You're the Hokage! If Jiraiya wants to write Icha Icha Paradise, what does that have to do with me?
Although... okay, fine.
He had kind of contributed to it.
"Ahem. Jiraiya-sama, let me take a look," Kazuki said politely, clearing his throat as he stepped over.
He'd originally intended to say "bro," but after seeing Minato's increasingly cold expression, he backed off. Calling Jiraiya "bro" might make things... complicated.
What would Minato even call him then? "Uncle"?
He wasn't ready to carve a line through his forehead protector and go join Orochimaru just yet.
Jiraiya didn't mind at all. He slung an arm around Kazuki's shoulders and leaned in, practically glowing with anticipation for feedback.
The manuscript wasn't long—about 5,000 words—but its content was... spicy.
The kind of thing that'd trigger three red flags, a publisher shutdown, and a full review board in any normal society.
Still, credit where it was due—Jiraiya was good. The prose was sharp, evocative, shamelessly immersive.
Kazuki had a few thoughts.
"Jiraiya-nii... I think, maybe... it'd be fun to try a female POV for part of it. Like Lei-Lei's perspective..."
He said it low, leaning in.
Jiraiya's eyes gleamed like someone had just handed him a blank check and a pen.
Yes. Yes! This was it.
A fresh angle. A new way to dive into the character's emotional depths—and perhaps... her bodily ones.
"Brilliant! Kazuki, if I don't credit you as co-author, I'll die of shame!" Jiraiya slammed his palm on the table in joy.
Minato, still grilling meat across from them, blushed to the roots of his golden hair.
...Why did this sound so interesting?
And why the hell was he tempted to read it!?
He glanced at Kazuki again. How did this kid think of stuff like that? Even Jiraiya was in awe. It was... disturbing.
"Please no," Kazuki muttered, panicking. "I don't want Uncle Suzaku to find out. Seriously."
If word got out, he'd never hear the end of it.
Forget 'ninja prodigy'—he'd be labeled Konoha's Erotic Successor.
They'd probably write him into the village's history books as "The one who inherited Jiraiya's true legacy."
"No problem, just use a pen name," Jiraiya said with a smirk. "I get it. But I'm not letting you off the hook."
Kazuki nodded. Fair enough.
What name should he use?
My Forbidden Love with Kaguya?
Too long. And way too dangerous.
Black Zetsu Has No Shame?
Nah. Too soon to go nuclear.
"How about... Master Deer?" Kazuki suggested.
Jiraiya looked a little confused by the reference—but approved.
The high-grade Akimichi beef was phenomenal—tender, juicy, thickly sliced, and seasoned to perfection.
When Kazuki finally staggered home that night, he collapsed onto his bed in a food coma... only to jolt upright mid-thought.
"Oh crap—what if the book gets published?!"
What if all those thirsty readers...
He shot up in bed like he'd been stabbed.
"I should've used Uchiha Black or something! Let they take the heat!"
Now that his pen name was locked in, Kazuki knew he'd have to go beg Jiraiya to change it tomorrow.
Meanwhile, back at the Namikaze household...
Minato walked in, sat down beside Kushina... and sighed.
He was really starting to wonder: had sending Kazuki to "cheer up Kakashi" been the right call?
If Kakashi ended up memorizing his teacher's new book line for line—
Minato would be forced to express his gratitude to Kazuki in a very special, very personal way.