CHAPTER 76 Hurt
I DID NOT go to work the next day because of the bad feeling. Lawrence and I did not meet for a few days.
After what happened at the party, I did not talk to him again. I don’t think it is the right thing to do. But this is probably the best thing to do right now.
If I continue to have a relationship with Lawrence, I am sure there will be nothing left to him. Even everything he worked for will go to nothing. Maybe I should just follow his father’s wishes—and that was to be separated from him.
“Margaux, can we talk?” Cindy’s voice spoke from outside of my bedroom door. “Please, Margaux!” she said with a series of knocks.
I blew out a deep breath and was forced to open the door.
“What are you doing here?” I turned my back on her and went back to bed, and sat down.
I heard a deep sighed before she spoke.
“I should have asked you the same question! Look at you, Margaux! You look so damn miserable. You’re pale. You will get sick if you are always locked in your room!”
She walked straight to the window and pulled back the curtain to open the window.
I did not answer; instead, I just looked out the window.
“What happened to you? You will give up so d*mn easily? My God, Margaux, you are no longer a teen. How about Clarence?”
My tears flowed because of what she said.
“You don’t deserve all of these. Not Clarence either.”
“I thought you were happy. I thought you could find your forever and be a Saavedra like me. Did I just think all of that?” Her voice already cracked. She also grabbed my hand and held it tightly.
“Please, be strong. Be brave, Margaux.”
My lips pursed tightly. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a distressed child. I couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down my face.
“I can’t. I’m tired! I’m tired of fighting. I was never the first choice. Even with Lester, he used to choose Sarah over me. He preferred that woman and left me!” My eyes burst with tears. I couldn’t stop the emotion that wanted to get rid of me.
“And now, what do you want me to fight for? To be hurt over and over again? I’m tired, Cindy. I don’t want to!”
“Don’t say that, please. Where is Margaux, who is brave and full of self-confidence? Where is my best friend, who is a fighter? This is not you!”
I shook my head down and violently wiped away the tears.
“I want to be alone now,” I said in between my sobs.
I heard her sigh before speaking. “Alright, as long as you need someone to talk to, I’m just here,” she said softly.
I did not refuse her tight hug and caressed my back before finally leaving my room.
There I sank myself into the pillow and continued to cry. Maybe nothing hurts more than I feel now. The pain throbs in my guts, and fire spears in my heart deeply. I can’t count how many times I cried today until drowsiness dripped with tears still on my cheeks.
It was late afternoon when I woke up. If I could, I would sleep for the rest of my life so that I would not know the feeling of being hurt. But I can’t, because there is a child who depends on me. I don’t just let myself drown in pain. I need to get up for my son.
I will not allow him to be hurt. I will do my best to give him the life he deserves.
I forced myself to get up and adjusted myself. I took a shower and eagerly went down to the dining room to join Daddy and Mommy for dinner.
“Manang, please give me a plate!” She immediately attended to me and also put juice in the glass. “Thanks!”
“Hija, it’s good you came out of your room. We were so worried about you,” Mom said, but I could not get a glance.
“Hija, whatever your problem is with Lawrence, talk about it properly. Your child is also affected!” Dad added. It was only then that I looked up at them.
I know Clarence and I are only thinking about their welfare. So, in the end, I just gave them a frugal smile and a nod.
I quickly finished eating, then headed to Clarence’s room. He slept soundly in the crib.
My heart tore into pieces as I watched his angel-like face. As much as possible, I do not want to involve him in this problem anymore. I want him to live a normal life. He was too young to be hurt like this. I love him so much, and I don’t let anybody hurt him.
***
THE NEXT DAY, I woke up early and prepared myself to go to work. I also eagerly went to the table and accompanied them with food.
“Good morning, Sweetheart!” I kissed Clarence, who was so happy with what I did. “Oh, how smart my Clarence is!” I hugged him tightly before I started eating.
“It’s good that you’re fine!” Dad said to me.
I just nodded and started eating. In fact, I just forced myself to smile because I don’t want them to be affected by the weight I carry.
“Doris, I’m leaving. You take care of Clarence, huh? Please tell Mom and Dad I’m leaving!” I didn’t let her answer because I turned my back on her to get in my car.
“Good morning. Do you feel okay?” Karen said with a flashy smile on her face when I arrived at the office.
She landed a cup of coffee and a sandwich on my table. I told her that I have the flu, so she didn’t ask me anything.
“Actually, I’m better now. Thanks for this.” I raised the cup of coffee before I sipped.
“Gosh, you just missed my coffee,” she said before finally turning her back on me. I smile as I look at her. But when she closed the door, I immediately lowered the cup and leaned back in my swivel chair. The smile also disappeared from my lips.
I looked through the papers in front of me. It seems to be about a span high because of my few days off work.
I was about to pick up my fountain pen and start signing them. I just spent the afternoon inside the office. I also did not receive a guest and canceled all my meetings.
If Karen hadn’t knocked to say it was late, I would not have looked up at the window.
“All right, Karen, go ahead. I’ll just finish these papers.”
After saying goodbye, I started putting away the papers on my desk and prepared myself to go home. I thought about opening my cellphone, which was also dead for a few days. I was not surprised by some texts from Cindy and Julia.
I bit my lower lip. I hovered over the messages a few times and hoped to receive a message from Lawrence but nothing. I smiled bitterly. Why do I expect him to feel better after what happened?