I WAS HURT TOO, I could feel the pain and disappointment too.
"I've spent months moving on, and one small thing brings me back to square one whenever I am with her," he uttered.
My lashes fall, my heart can't seem to penetrate what he said. Because I also feel the weight of the stone running through his heart now.
"I am the one who should be there, and loves her unconditionally, but I wasn't, because I am not enough..."
I close my mouth and let my silence spoke for myself. I knew it'll be going to hit me big time but I choose to swallow the pain but what the fuck is going on with me? And why do I still get those stupid butterflies in my stomach?
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
His head slowly raised and his heart-stopping eyes pierced my soul. I saw him lick his lower lip first before speaking.
"The difference between me and you is I care and you don't, so please don't feel sorry," he replied.
"Of course I cared! I mean, I'm here– for you," I utterly said. I also slowly avoided looking at him knowing that he was stunned by what I said.
"You're adorably drunk." I heard him chuckled, then he stood up. I was alarmed when he staggered inside.
"I'll be back in a minute."
I just let him go and faced the bottle of wine that was half empty. I translated it again into my glass and drank it. I don't know how many I drunk before I could feel him approaching.
He has held a guitar and another bottle of whiskey.
"Let's spend this night alone." He sits back in his seat.
I just ignored what he said because I had already faced the rest of the old bottle and translated it into my glass before swallowing.
Damn, Cherry don't let yourself get drunk! I whispered to myself.
I glanced at him as he began to play the guitar while leaning back in the metal chair.
Damn that simple gesture. It was as if my heart wanted to come out with the force of its beating.
"When I'm having a bad day, I picked up my guitar. It's my weapon, my shield to leave behind," he says softly while tuning the right tone.
I couldn’t help but smile at him and look down in front of him. "I like boys who can play the guitar." Nothing in my heart said.
He glanced at me with one eyebrow raised, nor was it safe for me to raise his lip before smiling.
"Really huh?" he said, before starting to strum.
I closed my eyes and savored his song. His voice was smooth and clear, I couldn't even tell if it was words that came from his lips. But I could feel my heart was melting.
I barely peeked at him while singing. The piercing at the right corner of his lips giving me a skeptical feeling especially when he pursed his lips.
I stiffened my back and my chair when he glanced at me and he caught my gaze. He stopped singing as he gently typed his guitar.
"If I could show you how uneasy you made me feel, you would never be able to look at me in the eye again." His voice was elevated me.
I shifted from my seat. I managed to blink and just looked at the glass of whiskey. What does he want to imply? That he is not comfortable staring at me? I even thought about that before sipping the wine from the glass.
"Wanna try?" When he said that he slightly raised the guitar to me.
"H-I don't know how to play guitar" I kept shaking.
"Then I will teach you." He offered.
I held my breath for a while and trying to fill my lungs with air. I can't nod even if he's waiting for my answer.
I honestly don't like the idea of us getting closer. But what else I can do? I bit my lip damn hard before deciding to answer.
"Alright..." I stayed seated because I didn’t know how to start standing up.
I was shocked when he grabbed my hand so I turned to him and gently pulled my hand closer to him.
"You can sit here." he licked his thighs before looking up at me.
"What? No, I'm not going to sit there... on your lap." My tongue twitched.
The smile grew over his face so that's how the redness went up all over my face.
"I won't be doing anything bad, I promise." He holds up a hand in front of me before grinning.
My lips twitched and I measured him to see if he was telling the truth and I finally agreed because I think my brain is no longer functioning normally because of the amount of alcohol I drank.
I slowly sat down on both of his thighs. I was so close when his warm skin touched me. I seemed to have forgotten why I was here and how he allowed me to be in this setup.
I suddenly leaned on him as he put his arms around me and gently took my hand to place it on the guitar string. I was also uneasy because his chin was resting on my shoulder. I could feel his warm damn breath that scorching my skin. God, it's shaking me...
My fingers also seemed to stiffen as he applied it to the string.
"Relax," he whispered to my earlobe. I closed my eyes tightly because it seemed like a thousand volts of electricity flowed through my nerve fibers.
"This is not right, we shouldn't be doing this," I said emphatically that I was trying to stand up when he stopped me.
"Let's do some... we shouldn't be doing this thing," he answered back, then he gripped my left hand tightly to hold the handle of the guitar.
"Rex." I stopped him, I'm started panicking, I need to stop this now until the fire engulfs me so I let go of the guitar.
"Nothing we can do together is ever going to be embarrassing," he declares. His voice was a rough and low rumble. He gently squeezed my hand and leaned moreover to my nape and sniffed it.
I am damn shaking. I am powerless and it frightened
me. I could do nothing but turn a blind eye before I had the strength to stand, now I seem to have lost the ability to fight it.
"It's hard to sit here and be close to you... You know that Cherry," he whispered again. It seemed too heavy for him to let go of that word. I can also feel his violent sighed that hitting my cheek. He kept holding the guitar but it seemed like he still had no intention of letting me go.