Now in his room, with Eva sitting on his lap, her soft body resting in his arms and their faces so close to each other, Christian, already feeling impatient after being delayed long enough, still didn't start eating her immediately. Instead, he said,
"You know, I wanted to ask you back in the living room, but I felt it was better to wait until we were alone. So I waited, but… why are being you ?"
"Do you feel some kind of insecurity around me? Even after everything I just said earlier to that?"
For Christian, it felt like the most pressing matter at the moment. So, he looked at Eva's closed eyes as he patiently waited for an answer.
And feeling the sincerity in his words, Eva, who initially didn't want to share what was on her mind, decided against holding back and replied, "It's not about insecurities, but about what you said… because I felt more possessiveness from you than love!"
Christian, bewildered by this kind of logic, still chose to go along with it and said, "And where does this possessiveness come from? Lust?"
"If that's the case, I don't mind not doing anything now."
Despite the undeniably arousing situation… despite what Eva had said back at the cinema, Christian, not wanting to hurt her in any way, added, "If you ever feel uncomfortable with any step we're taking, just say it. I can always wait until you're ready."
Eva, who was also anticipating what would happen next, felt baffled by the misunderstanding he seemed to have and couldn't help but exclaim, "Where did this kind of conclusion even come from? And why are you making decisions on your own?"
Christian opened his mouth to respond, but before he could think of anything to say, Eva sighed and continued, "Actually, I expressed myself wrongly. It's not about love… it's more about trust."
While trying to give her usual smile… a smile she hadn't always been able to manage recently, despite her situation improving and knowing she was becoming happier, Eva said,
"Actually, despite everything that happened between me and the Ashvale family… despite how I was isolated there and not even given the surname Ashvale, but Carter; the surname of the family that serves us."
"Even with all of that, I never considered myself inferior to anyone from them. More than that, I've always had pride, even if I tried not to show it at times."
"But… looking at the interaction between you and your sister…"
"Imagining all kinds of things…" Reaching this point, Eva couldn't help but hesitate. She felt as though she was exposing an ugly side of herself. Still, not wanting to leave things as they were or hide anything from him, she steeled herself and continued, "Imagining all kinds of things because of the difference in how I was treated compared to your sister, I felt not only jealousy but, for the first time, some kind of inferiority."
Sensing that her words didn't fully capture what she meant, she tried to elaborate.
"Actually, it's probably not exactly that. What I'm trying to say is… have you ever doubted Annabelle, your sister?"
Christian felt his tongue tie up, unsure of what kind of answer he should give. And why was she comparing herself to his sister, who had been by his side since the day he came into the world? Where was this conversation even going?
Seemingly answering him, Eva continued, "I hoped that maybe a love so strong, to the point of being blinding, could solve that… that it would make me gain your trust. But because I didn't feel that kind of love, or the trust either, I couldn't help but say all of that."
"The first thought that came to my mind was that you were suspecting me, and you're still not sure about my feelings or intentions."
Hearing everything she was saying, Christian started wondering, 'What should I say so that she knows I trust her completely?'
But… was that really the case? Christian didn't think so. He wouldn't say he didn't trust her, of course, but more like, because of her past, her actions, and their interactions, his trust while had reached 99%. There was still that tiny difference from complete trust. So, what should he say in this case?
In the end, Christian didn't know how to solve this problem and said, "Even after I let you in on my plan to kill that trash? And how you'll also be by my side when I run away?"
"If that doesn't demonstrate trust… then how?"
Christian opted to ask Eva to show him the way.
But instead of responding to his question, Eva, seemingly overwhelmed with emotion, started blabbering, "I know I'm being childish."
"Even I don't know why I'm . Like, really, why do I need to compare myself to your sister, who devoted all her life to you, while I've only brought you trouble?"
Pausing briefly, as if recalling something, Eva finally continued.
"You know, when we're talking, I realized it's more than just trust. There's something special in your interaction with your sister. Maybe... I want that."
Christian naturally didn't know, but just like how he consciously and unconsciously yearned to be loved, Eva who had never received any love since coming into this world, and had always been surrounded by those who watched over her, monitoring her, with nothing truly by her side.
That blind trust, that faith, that love, and so many other emotions mixed in between… Eva longed for that bond… she wanted that kind of love.
So, while looking at the man in front of her, who didn't know how to express himself properly, how he clumsily showed care, attention, and so much more, yet, at least in this moment, managed to express his concern properly, tears began to run down her cheeks.
Silently, serenely, but with them came all the suppressed feelings she had held back. It was like a dam that had burst, and now there was no stopping it. The intensity of it was overwhelming.
With the dam opening, not only did her tears fall though, but many thoughts began to flood her mind as well.
Eva now felt that perhaps her earlier outburst wasn't because she thought he was suspecting her. More than that, it was because she didn't have enough faith in his trust, and that was the true reason behind her actions.
It was her problem, not his.
With slumped shoulders and drenched face, Eva couldn't believe how much she had tears in her. But now, with the warmth of his body reaching her frozen heart, she couldn't help but question herself: Was I always this fragile? This weak? This foolish?
In the end, without finding an answer, her glazed, blurry eyes; holding a storm of emotions, locked onto Christian's troubled ones. He seemed to be fumbling internally, unsure of how to console her. His thoughts were so transparent to her that, amidst her tears, she inadvertently began to laugh.
"Haha~" It was a weak laugh, but still one that might make her seem a little crazy, even then Eva didn't care.
Because, in this moment, she reached a conclusion, the problem wasn't with Christian. It was with her. And she had found the solution.
If he couldn't give her that blind love, that blind faith... that overwhelming mix of emotions she longed for, then she just needed to be the one to give it to him first. She would pour out a love so intense that, eventually, he wouldn't have any choice other than giving her just as much.
She could take that first step!
He had always given his all when he interacted with her anyway, even if the something she was desperate for was still lacking.
And he was someone capable of having that kind of bond with his sister, so… wouldn't he eventually give her the same, even if he wasn't aware of it yet?
She, who didn't have tears, let alone one to wipe them away for her during all her life, now felt the careful hand on her cheek, gently brushing away the unending stream. His touch, so tender and cautious, felt foreign yet intoxicating. No, it wasn't just his touch. In this moment, his very presence felt intoxicating!
Eva, having arrived at her answer, thought that even if Christian didn't know how to give love or express it, she was different. She, as a mother, had learned how to love, even if it was familial. Now, all she needed was to channel that one-of-a-kind love toward her other half… toward HER man!
As she felt his hand gently patting her back, the other brushing through her hair, and the strength of his firm chest against which she leaned, Eva couldn't help but wonder, what did all these gestures mean? How should she interpret them? Was she free to interpret them however she wanted?
Eva, with eyes that seemed to have lost their luster, questioned silently.
Yet, as she stayed in his arms, questions swirling in her mind alongside the answers she'd found, Eva didn't realize that, at this very moment, just as she found her answer… Christian had found his too.
After everything he had said previously, and after everything that had happened, Christian had initially thought… or more accurately, assumed, that his feelings for Eva were a mix of attraction, perhaps lust, appreciation, and countless other things. But that was all, wasn't it?
Yet, as he looked at Eva's tears, as she seemingly poured out the anguish and unfairness of her past with them… as he heard her low sobbing cutting through the silence, he felt something else entirely. His heart ached, breaking at the sight before him, and he realized that he had been wrong. It wasn't complicated at all. It was simple…
Maybe there had been a part of him, petty and jealous, that resented the thought of her being touched by that trash at one point, that also wanted to mark her, to claim her as his, even if unconsciously. But now, at this moment, all of that faded away. All that truly remained was one thing: Love.
Two people, one starved of love, never having tasted its warmth, and the other, though having had some, still unsatisfied... Two people thirsting for love, even if under different circumstances.
How would their relationship develop?
Only time would tell.