Tears ran down her cheeks, and Lothaire vanished without saying another word. Irene was left angry, confused, and sad. She really wasn't strong enough to stay here, and she felt embarrassed for being this weak.
Why did he have to use her loneliness against her?
When he had first left, she hadn't been feeling as lonely as was now. Back then she had many things to keep her occupied. So many things had been new to her, and she wanted to enjoy them. She was a mother again and even a grandmother. Heaven had still been a child, and Irene got the chance to raise her and feel the joy of raising a child that was her own flesh and blood. Nothing in the world compared to that feeling.
The role of a mother and grandmother was so fulfilling, but children grow and become less dependent with time. Heaven grew so fast and even though Irene was still needed as a parent and grandparent, she wasn't needed as much as before.
While her children were busy with their lives, she tried to find ways to keep herself occupied, but it didn't help. That was when the loneliness started to creep into her heart. Everyone was busy. Lucian was busy ruling and Heaven learning how to rule. And they both had their mates that they spend time with when they weren't busy with their duties.
What was her duty, besides being a mother and grandmother? Maybe that is why she felt easily lonely when her children weren't around.
She had been happy when she heard that Heaven wanted to become a ruler. To see her granddaughter having other dreams than just getting married made her feel relieved. That way her whole life wouldn't evolve around her mate only, and if anything happened between them, she wouldn't end up like her. She would still have something to hold on to.
But Irene had no other purpose and, like Zamiel told her, she was still holding onto her past. How was she supposed to move on and heal if she wanted to get over Lothaire by hating him? That would mean that she still felt something for him, even if that feeling was hate.
Irene knew that she had to let it all go, and in order to do that, she had to get away from this place. But before that she would have to face her feelings and fears because she knew she would be staying here for a while.
Her heart skipped a beat. She was scared and would have to mentally prepare herself.
Irene wiped her tears away and cursed. She was supposed to be the stronger one. She was the grandmother, and she came here to support her grandchild, not be a burden. She had gone through a lot and that shouldn't make her weak. She was stronger than this.
Tying the robe around her waist, she decided to find her cloak and go look for Heaven, but just then her granddaughter walked through the door.
"Grandma?" She looked surprised.
"Heaven! Where have you been?" Irene scolded.
"I am sorry. I didn't mean to worry you but I didn't want to wake you up."
Irene used her magic to light some candles. She wanted to see Heaven's face clearly. "You shouldn't walk around alone this late."
"I am sorry." She said, taking off her cloak. "I am here now. Let's get some sleep."
She crawled up in bed and patted next to her. Irene sighed and went to sleep next to her granddaughter. She covered them with the blankets.
"Have you been crying?" Heaven asked.
"No." Irene lied and Heaven narrowed her eyes.
"Was grandpa here?"
She couldn't lie anymore. "Yes."
"What did he do?" She asked.
"Nothing. He just wanted to talk."
Heaven nodded and was silent for a moment. "Do you still like him?" She asked, surprising her.
Like? No. She couldn't say she liked him. She couldn't say she loved him, either. Right now her feelings weren't black and white. It was complicated, and it was probably like that because they were mates. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like if they weren't mates.
In her case, having a mate felt like a curse rather than a blessing. Why would she be mated to the devil? For her, there had only been one logical explanation. The devil could change and be good. Why would God otherwise pair her with the devil?
She still believed that everyone could change as long as they lived, but Lothaire had already broken her heart into a thousand pieces after what he did to Heaven. Her feelings for him would never be the same, even if he changed.
"No, I don't like him." She said.
"Grandma. I won't judge you. I know what it feels like to be mates. You can't control those feelings."
"I know." Was all she could say.
Heaven was quiet for a long moment, but then she smiled.
"Grandma. You never go out and meet people. You are always calm and you think a lot before you act. I know you behave that way because you don't want to make the same mistakes again, but mistakes are part of life and sometimes great things come out of making bad choices and acting reckless. I know that." She smiled, referring to releasing Zamiel from the coffin. If they hadn't been mates, then they would all be dead right now. "Can you say that your mistakes only led to bad things?"
Irene became thoughtful. She got blessed with Heaven and Lucian, so she couldn't say that her mistakes only led to bad things.
"You should stop being afraid. You should go out, meet new people, make some new friends and maybe even fall in love again. You have the advantage of originally being a witch. Having a mate doesn't restrict you the way it does with full born demons. Only they are completely bound to their mates." Heaven explained.
"Who told you that?" Irene asked.
"Zamiel explained it to me. Mates are made for demons. You are a turned demon. Had you not given birth to father you would still be a witch and I am half demon. This means that we can still find someone we like beside our mate." She explained.
"I have never heard it before." Irene said.
"Ancients know more and grandpa would probably not tell you this."
Irene nodded thoughtfully. She didn't know what to do with this new information.
"You are not bound to grandpa the way he is bound to you. You can still find someone else and fall in love, but you can't do that if you don't meet people."
Irene chuckled. "Who would want me? I am a demon and witch. Both demons and witches hate me and a human would grow old before me."
"Hate only lasts until love takes its place. Who hated witches more than Zamiel and now he is with me."
Irene smiled. Heaven had a reply to everything.
"When we go back, go out and meet new people and see what happens. It won't hurt." She said.
"Alright." Irene agreed.
If it was only that easy.