CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: THE PROMISE
R12.
RADJAN
The moment it clicked in my head what Daniel was saying, I lost my balance and grabbed onto one of the nearest lockers for dear life. I went catatonic for a while. I don’t know how I didn’t die from the shock and agony I felt upon realizing I will never see Mirjana again. But I remember it all clearly. At that moment, I felt an endless void in the depths of my soul. At that moment, the world stopped spinning. Suddenly, it all started making sense to me.
I hated my father for the way he ruined himself for losing the woman that he loved. Suddenly, I understood what he’s been through more than I ever understood before. Love did that to him. Love made him and broke him, just as love made me and broke me.
I remember the black and white photograph in the folder with the A’s in Dean Edgar’s office. It was of someone named Anna who very much resembled Mirjana. She was Daniel Wade’s dead girlfriend. I have never believed in the supernatural, but life has a funny way of slapping you in the face and making a believer out of you. As weird and ridiculous as it sounds, I fell in love with Mirjana’s ghost. I met her lost soul and fell in love with her.
Everything mysterious about her suddenly made sense. The way she disappeared so fast whenever we hung out, the way nobody from school knew her, the way she didn’t exist in the school records.
But what about those times when her skin brushed off mine? What about those passionate kisses and touches? How could it all feel so real?
My heart shattered in a million pieces. I kept hoping to eventually wake up from a horrible nightmare, but unfortunately, I wasn’t dreaming.
I love her way too much. I regret not being able to say goodbye to her. Although I don’t think I could ever say goodbye. Maybe we don’t really have to end. Maybe we can work it out somehow. Who says one should stop loving a person once they’re dead?
It’s our souls that connected with each other, more than the physical. I love her soul. She gave me a deeper understanding of love.
Am I being selfish by not letting her go?
---
I open my eyes and look at my surroundings. My father is sleeping on a chair beside me. I realize I am laying on a hospital bed. My heart feels so hollow. I ache for Mirjana so much. If I could just bring back the time, I would go back to the times we were together and would keep reliving those on repeat.
A tear falls from my face as I remember her contagious laugh.
I try to scream her name, but no words come out. My brain suddenly fills with all the words and sentences I want to say to hear if only she could hear me now.
Mirjana! I know everything now. I know what you are and I don’t care. Do you hear me? Do you understand? I don’t care if you’re… dead or a ghost or whatever. I love you. Come back to me, and don’t ever leave me again.
Suddenly, the temperature turns freezing cold. Mirjana, pale white and beautiful, is suddenly seated on my bed, staring at me with a sad look on her face.
“I never meant to hurt you like this, Radjan,” Mirjana speaks, her lips barely moving. I want to get up so badly, but my whole body hurts. I feel a broken bone or two.
“Mir…” I attempt to speak, but my mouth turns cold and nothing more comes out.
“I didn’t know, Radjan. I didn’t know I was… dead,” Mirjana continues. “A lot of times I don’t remember where I was or how I got there. I’ve been so confused. I thought everyone started hating me for some reasons. I thought everyone would never speak to me again, but then I met you…”
My eyes are clouded with tears, but I keep fighting for them to go away. I can’t see her face so clearly with my vision being so clouded. I need these tears to go away. I try moving my arm, but I am unable to do that either.
I just want to wipe her tears away. Why is it impossible? Why?
“Sometimes, it felt like I knew what was happening to me but it was like I refused to accept it for the longest time, because of you. Because I wanted so much to be with you,” Mirjana speaks, stroking my hair with her hand. This time, it’s clear she is an apparition. I can see her fingers on my hair, but I cannot feel her touch anymore.
“Don’t…leave…me…” I plead, struggling to voice out every word.
“I’m sorry, Radjan, I wish I could stay here forever, but I need to move on. I am so tired. My spirit is so tired of being so stuck where I don’t belong. I’m so sorry,” she says, crying so hard. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could make her pain stop.
I finally manage to sit on my bed. I try to hug her but she is like a hologram now, I can’t touch her anymore.
“I wasn’t exactly a good person when I was alive,” Mirjana explains. “I hated someone so much I wanted to make her life so miserable to the point she would regret existing. I deserved what happened to me.”
I am shocked at that revelation. Never once did I think she is capable of hating someone. Suddenly, the rumor about Isabel Martin and Jenna LaChapelle being arrested surfaces in my head.
“I love you. If… I could give my life to you, I…would. You… don’t… deserve to… die,” I say, still struggling to make my words come out.
“Can you see where my lips are?” Mirjana whispers. I nod. “I know you can’t touch me anymore, but put your lips, right here. Kiss me.”
I do as I’m told. It isn’t a physical kiss, but it feels the same as our kisses before. I feel my strength coming back though my heart is still breaking into pieces.
“I will always love you, Radjan,” Mirjana says.
“Mirjana, this is not the end,” I promise her as something crazy comes into my mind. “I will bring you back, I promise.” Maybe the dream isn’t just a dream all along. I dreamed about the soul saving ritual for a reason. Maybe I’ve been seeing Mirjana’s ghost because I was destined to save her all along. And I will do everything in my power to do just that…