CHAPTER TEN: THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD
R5.
RADJAN
I am still on a high from my performance in the game. But to be honest, it’s not the same kind of happiness like before, back when my family was still intact. My parents always sat front row during my every game. I thought I really made them proud. I thought they were happy together. I was so focused on myself that I failed to realize there was already a growing chasm between my parents. I used to watch their faces beaming with pride watching me play. I remember their affectionate gestures towards each other whenever I do my thing on the basketball court. They all really feel like memories from another life.
I am picking a shirt to wear to the party when I notice something poking out of the drawer. It piques my curiosity. It is a worn, black, strange-looking notebook that I have never seen before. I am about to flip through the pages when I heard my father wailing.
“Are you back? Are you back, Milena, darling? Please don’t leave me again, please, I’ll do anything, just please, please come back to me,” he continues, oblivious to my presence.
I just shake my head. Another day, another Milena drama.
“Dad, I’m heading out. We won the game today in case you care,” I say, still holding the strange notebook. It has a s bizarre effect on me as if it is daring me to read its pages.
“Why do you have that? Give that to me!” he yells angrily. “You stole Milena! You stole my wife, you son of a –”
“Son of an alcoholic?” I yell back. “What the hell is wrong with you? Did alcohol already mess with your brain that you don’t recognize me anymore? Look at me, dad! Look at me!”
“Radjan.” he says softly, as if realizing for the first time who he is speaking with. “I’m sorry I was just… Give me the notebook, please?’
I throw it to his face, not really caring anymore.
“What even is that thing?” I say in disgust. I can smell his alcohol breath and it makes me so mad. Oh well, I’m going to a party anyway. Let me be exactly like my father for once.
I leave without saying another word. Back to my pretend life of coolness, glamor and basketball greatness, even though my heart is so heavy from what just happened. Why can’t he ever get over my mother? More importantly, am I doomed to be like him somehow? I haven’t seen Mirjana in two weeks that I really feel drinking my heart out tonight. I am my father’s son after all.
I am surprised that the party is in a bar, not someone’s house. It is going to be a challenge smuggling food, but I think I just have to wait and take my chances.
“Soooo, the million-dollar question is, Radjan, do you have a girlfriend?” Denise asks. She is seated near Vladimir, while Brittany is shamelessly seated on David’s lap. Akio is hovering over where Celeste is seated and I was seated awkwardly at the corner opposite Celeste. I drink to avoid answering the question. Brittany smirks at Denise and answers for me.
“Of course, Radjan doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s super smart and super hot, it would be unfair if only one girl in the world would own him,” she says, smiling her seductive smile.
I nearly spill out my drink. That’s kind of a brave thing to say considering she is currently seated on her boyfriend’s lap. David doesn’t seem to mind, though. He just laughs with the others at that.
Nothing is really funny about it. These losers really have some weird sense of humor sometimes.
“Anyway, guys,” Vladimir speaks, seeming to notice me getting so annoyed. “That woman in the gym was so creepy. I think I remember her pulling exactly the same stunt. Death is coming.” Vladimir is exaggerating his voice to be creepy, but is not laughing. No one is laughing.
I suddenly feel chills running down my spine.
“She did that to Anna last time. I was there. I witnessed that myself. Anna was there at the gym. Then this woman came up to her and was like, ‘death is coming’. I think it was the last time I saw Anna alive,” Vladimir continues.
“Oh god. Like the woman was already warning Anna about her impending death?” Brittany asks, suddenly looking so scared.
“I’m not feeling well,” Celeste suddenly says, halting the creepy conversation. She looks so pale. Akio assists her in standing up, because she seems like she is about to collapse.
“I’m taking her home, guys,” Akio says. “She’s sick.”
Akio and Celeste leave the bar and just a few moments later, I see Denise and Vladimir dancing, alongside Brittany and David. They try to get me to dance with them but I pretend I don’t hear and I just obliviously munch on my food. I have been waiting for everyone to get up from their seats so I could already do my food business. I am just too happy that they finally do. Anyway, I have been observing everyone closely. I know for sure that Akio and Celeste never touched their food. I put the mozzarella sticks and cheesesteaks carefully inside the Ziploc bags I prepared for this opportunity, then I go back to eating my food as music continues to play.
As I am scanning my surroundings, I suddenly see Mirjana, seated at a table by the window all by herself. I notice she is crying and I feel my heart break into tiny pieces, crying with her.
“Mirjana!” I exclaim as I sit beside her. “Are you okay? I’m really sorry about the…”
“Oh, it’s you, Mr. Conceited,” she says, looking up at me with tear-stained face.
“Radjan. My name is Radjan,” I say. “I’m really sorry for acting that way. I was going through something and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t – “
I stop talking mid-sentence when I notice her staring at my face. I stare back at her. It happened for about 5 seconds but I can feel my heart bursting from my chest. I am just so happy to see her again. I am just so ecstatic to be having this moment with her. I feel my heart beating like a hammer.
I wipe her tears with my hands. I don’t normally do something so intimate like that but I just badly want to comfort her. She is still staring at me moments after, so I start feeling awkward.
“I’m just – I’m going to get us a drink,” I say.
“I’m not going to refuse that,” she says, her voice perking up.
I buy drinks for two. I need the drink to work up the courage to ask her to dance. I don’t really dance, but hey, if it would get her laughing so heartily watching me struggle like that, it’s worth it.
We stare at each other again. My heart is uncontrollable. I have never felt like this before. I can’t even put justice to how I am feeling. All I know is that I’m very happy.
“Cheers!” she says, breaking our silence. We drink. One, two, three glasses until I finally ask her to dance with me. Upon hearing the word ‘dance,’ she gets up from her seat. She starts dancing by herself and then she smiles at me. I am so transfixed watching her dance that I am literally gaping.
I think there’s no point denying it anymore. I like Mirjana.
“Come on, dance with me. I’ve been dancing alone,” she says. I can still see the sadness in her eyes but she is making an effort to smile at me.
We dance slowly but my heart is beating so fast again. She is still smiling at me and our faces are so close to each other. Maybe I should –
“Do you like me, Radjan?” she suddenly asks, breaking my train of thoughts.
“What!” I deadpan. I am obviously nervous. What! is my reaction to everything when I don’t know how to react properly.
“It’s just that, if you’re interested in me like that, it’s too bad because I can’t,” Mirjana explains.
“Well, I can be interested if I want to. That’s really not up to you,” I say, feeling brave because of the alcohol’s influence but also feeling something painful tugging at my chest for the straightforward rejection. “What is going on anyway? Did your boyfriend make you cry?”
Please say you don’t have a boyfriend.
“I’m faithful to him even if I can’t understand what’s going on with him anymore. He moved on just like that. I broke up with him, it was my fault, but… there’s just a lot going on with my life right now. I regretted it since. I keep trying to talk to him but he’s been ignoring. I’m so sorry, Radjan, you’re handsome and all, but I really can’t…”
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Mirjana, but I haven’t really seen you anywhere before tonight.” I say. “Wait, did you call me handsome?”
“No, I didn’t,” she smiles sheepishly, biting her lip. “The music here is just too loud. You misheard. Anyway, thanks for the drink, Radjan. I have to go.”
“Oh, right. It’s late. Let’s go. I’ll give you a ride home. Your house is on the way to mine,” I say with fake nonchalance. I am really sweating with nerves. I don’t actually know where she lives. I guess I am just hoping she would finally let me take her home.
“How did you know where I live?” she asks, rolling her eyes. “Hmm, you’re really checking me out, huh? That’s not nice. Checking out another guy’s girl.” She sounds like she’s challenging me, or maybe I’m just drunk.
“I disagree. I think it’s cool and thrilling.” Yikes, it’s the alcohol talking again. “But I’m not saying I’m checking you out. There is nothing to check anyway. I’m not your teacher.” I imitate her laugh.
She laughs harder than I do. “If I were your teacher grading you right now, you’re zero.” She keeps on laughing as if she’s going to choke with laughter.
“Mirjana,” I say her name, because I like how it sounds in my lips.
“Did you hear me, Radjan?” she says, still laughing nonstop. “You’re zero.”
“Mirjana,” I repeat. “I like…”
You.
I can sense her hanging onto my every word.
“I like – I mean I’D like to ask for your help in the upcoming history test. We can review at your place and… maybe I can get your number?”
Real smooth, Radjan.
“For history?” she asks, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah. What? I need your help,” I say, seeing the look of disbelief on her face.
“So, you have researched my address but not my number?” she asks again.
“Come on, for the sake of history.”
“But aren’t you afraid of my boyfriend? He’s really tough. If he finds out what you’re up to. Gosh I don’t really want to think about him anymore. I think he doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Mirjana, there’s no way someone like your boyfriend would just stop loving you all of a sudden, or replace you with other girls. You are one of a kind and I don’t think any guy would be stupid to let you go,” I say in all seriousness. I feel it so strongly.
She seems to be satisfied at that, and suddenly grabs my phone from my hand.
I feel her skin on mine in that brief moment and my heart stops.
“I added my number,” she says, handing me my phone back. “…for history.”
We both laugh. I am the happiest person in the world. I can feel it so hard.
She excuses herself to the restroom and I wait outside so I can insist to take her home.
“Radjan? What are you doing out here? The men’s restroom is over there.”
It is Denise, coming out of the restroom.
“Nothing,” I say, embarrassed but confused. “Is someone else in there?”
“What? No, no one. It’s just me. Are you okay? I think you had too much to drink,” Denise answers.
How the hell did I miss Mirjana? I have been waiting for her outside. I must be REALLY drunk.
“We are going home in a few minutes. Are you sure you can drive? Come with us,” Denise offers.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I answer curtly. I am not really paying attention to what she is saying because I am busy checking my contacts list. There it is among the M’s. Mirjana with a heart and a smiley. It is like a summary of how I feel whenever I am with her. Who cares about her boyfriend or ex or whoever he is? If he can make her cry like that, then he is not a real man.
I dial Mirjana’s number, imagining how her voice would sound like over the phone, but my excitement is suddenly cut short.
The number you have dialed is incorrect, I hear an operator’s voice say.