Zu An smiled awkwardly. “You don’t have to do that. I’m helping you based on our past ties and my principles. What would I be if I took advantage of your weakness to exploit you?”
“You aren’t exploiting this. I’m doing this of my own volition,” Bai Rouxue hurriedly explained. “And I’m not doing this to repay your favor either, but... but...”
Seeing her stuttering and reddened face, Zu An asked, “But what?”
Bai Rouxue mustered her courage to look at him. “For as long as I could remember, I was a tool for the Devil Sect, and I later became the Shadow Group’s Holy Maiden. My life has always been about completing the missions issued to me. I've never lived for myself before.
“I didn’t like that dumb crown prince, but I had to marry him for my mission. But he was too slow-witted to understand the affairs between a couple. Zhao Han emphasized the tradition of having the oldest son succeed the throne to curb King Qi, who was in the line of succession, but that meant the crown prince couldn’t be changed.
“However, the crown prince was too dumb to leave descendants behind. Zhao Han thought it would be better to have an intelligent imperial grandson to placate the officials, so he turned his eyes to me.”
Pain and resentment flickered across Bai Rouxue’s face. Tears began streaming down her cheeks.
Zu An sighed. “It’s over now. You don’t have to think about that anymore.”
Bai Rouxue sobbed as she continued recounting the past. “Big sister Linglong should have been the ideal choice. She was the crown prince consort, so it would grant further legitimacy to the imperial grandson if he descended from her. However, she happened to be away then...”
She laughed miserably. “Now that I think about it, she was from a noble lineage. Zhao Han would have had to think twice about her backing before making a move on her. It’s much easier to trample on people without a background like me.”
Zu An sensed the resentment in her words and said, “You must have suspected that Linglong was aware of this, or was perhaps even one of the masterminds. That must have been why you've been on bad terms all these years.”
“I dared not think that, and the matter has long passed too. There’s no point thinking about all those things.” Being a spy in the imperial palace, Bai Rouxue had always been treading on thin ice, so she dared not express her emotions lest it give her away. This was her first time venting.
“You've misunderstood her. You aren’t the only sacrifice here.” Zu An told her about how Zhao Han had planted a sliver of his soul in Zhao Ruizhi’s body so that he could possess it later, and Bi Linglong was the empress he had chosen.
Bai Rouxue was horrified. “Zhao Han, that bastard!”
Zu An fully agreed with her. “He was indeed a bastard.”
“I've misunderstood big sister Linglong for so many years!” Bai Rouxue felt ashamed of herself, especially when she thought about how Bi Linglong had spoken up for them earlier.
“Don’t think too much about it. It’s all over now. You can make peace with her from now on.” There was something Zu An was intrigued about. “If you hate Zhao Han that much, why do you still care about that child?”
Bai Rouxue revealed a wretched smile. “My life has been dark for a long time. I didn’t like the child at the start, but he was still the child I conceived after ten months of hardship. Over time, he became my pillar of emotional support. He was the reason I held on for so many years.”
Zu An understood where she was coming from. That child had been her light for many years now. She couldn’t just give up on him.
“But I have another reason to hold on now.” Bai Rouxue looked at Zu An with a reddened face. “I thought you were a special man from the first time I met you, but even so, I didn’t expect you to take such a huge risk to save me when Zhao Han sentenced me to death...”
She'd had a good impression of Zu An all along, and that incident tipped the scales. She would have long since confessed to him if not for her involvement in the Shadow Group. But after everything that had happened afterward, she had to swallow down those words.
“You and Zhao Yuan played me like a fool back then,” Zu An remarked bitterly. Zhao Yuan had confronted him several times back then, nearly bringing the matter of him harboring Bai Rouxue to light. It was only now that he realized they'd been in cahoots.
Bai Rouxue was apologetic. “Zhao Yuan planned to abandon me. He figured having the imperial grandson in his hands was enough for him. He didn’t expect you to rescue me. He decided to go along with you and play the role of a loyal subject. Zhao Han had already sensed his impending doom then, and he knew the Shadow Group Master was likely hiding in the imperial palace, so he was suspicious of everyone. Zhao Yuan’s maneuvers won him Zhao Han’s trust.”
Zu An was impressed. It was amazing that Zhao Yuan had succeeded in fooling the cunning Zhao Han, who had the world dancing in the palm of his hand then.
Bai Rouxue lowered her head sorrowfully. “Big brother Zu, you have many gorgeous women, whereas I'm a woman with a child. I know I’m beneath your notice.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks yet again. It was supposed to be a performance to evoke pity, but sadness swiftly welled up in her heart. Why didn’t I meet him first?
She and Bi Linglong had been the crown prince’s consorts, and they'd met Zu An at the same time. She had also been closer to Zu An back then. So why had he ended up together with Bi Linglong, while she landed in this plight?
She would have felt envious in the past, but now that she knew Bi Linglong had nothing to do with her fate and had spoken up on her behalf, she couldn’t bring herself to hate the latter anymore. She could only blame her harsh fate.
Zu An tried to wipe her tears, but he quickly retracted his hand when he realized it was too intimate. Instead, he said, “Don’t put yourself down. You’re gorgeous too. You and Bi Linglong are known as the capital’s two flowers.”
“But you don’t like me.” His consolation only further stoked Bai Rouxue’s sadness.
“Who says I don’t like...” Zu An blurted out, only to realize the inappropriateness of his remark. He'd intended to say he thought she was beautiful, but that didn’t sound right either.
But Bai Rouxue’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
Her hopeful eyes stifled Zu An’s explanation. He couldn’t bring himself to pop her bubble.
Bai Rouxue smiled radiantly. “Don’t worry, big brother Zu. I don’t covet a proper title. I’ll always be waiting for you. It’ll be enough for me if you visit me whenever you miss me.”
Just then, a guard reported Murong Qinghe’s arrival. Bai Rouxue took this chance to flee with a reddened face. Murong Qinghe noticed Bai Rouxue’s flustered look, which prompted her to look at Zu An with questioning eyes.
Zu An knew she was having a misunderstanding, but it was tough to explain this. So, he cleared the air with a light cough and asked, “Qinghe, do you need something from me?”
Murong Qinghe hesitated before finally gathering her courage. “Brother-in-law, can I hug you?”
Zu An was speechless.