"I don't know what I should do," she starts after long moments of silence – comfortable as we caught our breath, then slowly turning to churning worry.
"About Asher coming out?"
She nods, then adds, "I'm scared of either outcome." I start to caress her back in long strokes for comfort. "What outcomes do you envision?"
"Either I say nothing and lose him, or I support him and lose them.""You know Asher wouldn't hold it against you if–""I know, I just I would feel guilty. And my parents wouldn't let me talk to him.""You're a grown adult.""Like that would stop them.""I've seen the way they are. And– I don't want to be hurtful, but they don't treat you well, and they probably will only get worse."
She sighs. "Yeah."
A long moment passes, until I speak again. "You could still move closer to us like we talked about." She takes a second to answer. "I'm happy that you're still willing to do that.""Well, I did mention I like you," I joke."Ah, so you're just being selfish."I grin. "Completely," I say as I lean in to kiss her. I feel her smile against my mouth and I deepen the kiss. She pulls away too soon and buries her nose in my neck. She groans and squeezes me tight."Why did Asher have to be such a mess," I say with no question in my voice. She answers anyway. "He's always had everything go his way.""Do you think he believes your parents will come around eventually?""Don't we all?""Yeah," I whisper absently as Paige's hand comes up to my nape. I breathe out slowly as she traces circles on the back of my neck and head."Even in high school," Paige picks up the previous conversation thread after a moment, "he was the golden boy that everyone worshipped.""I can imagine you two," I smile. "Rich, popular, smart, athletic." Paige snorts. "Asher, for sure. Me? Not so much.""Oh?"
"I was lucky to have Gabi.” She pulls away from my neck. “And Asher as well, but that didn't matter at school.”
She pauses, and I rub her arm in comfort, but I say nothing.“Or it did, I guess. I went from bullied to ignored every time he would put his foot down. Not at all humiliating for his big sister.""How have I never heard of this?""I think Asher feels guilty about it.” She muses. “I've seen how much he's changed since he started working.""All my good influence.""I don't think it's just a joke, though."I have a hard time believing that so I stay silent long enough to change the topic to what sincerity I can offer her. "I'm sorry you had to go through that in high school.""Thank you," she says as she leans in to kiss me.After a long series of sweet kisses, I pull back and lean my forehead against hers."You know that I would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship with your family, right? If we” I pause, “started dating, I wouldn't pressure you to come out to them."She smiles. "I like the idea of dating you."
Today is the day most of the guests leave. A few left yesterday – the ones who could leave in the afternoon and make it home before night. Most of the cousins with smaller children are finishing packing to make it out before mid-morning. That means Paige, Asher, and I need to be present for both help and goodbyes, pretending everything is okay. At least, the latter means the charade is still up with Elizabeth. I don’t know if she’s told Henry anything, but, for the most part, he’ll be out of the house driving everyone who needs it to the airport.After my and Paige’s absence yesterday, Elizabeth wakes us up – not bright and early, but much earlier than I had planned. I had wanted to skip breakfast so as to avoid any run-in with well, anyone but Paige, until I had to. I did want to say goodbye to the children, though, so I am running through plausible excuses with Paige, when Elizabeth knocks on her door. WhenPaige opens it, Elizabeth comes in without a word and pushes the door almost fully closed.“Good morning, girls,” she says and turns to me. “How are you doing, dear?”I see sincerity in her gaze, and I can’t help but feel guilty. I certainly wouldn’t have expected such concern from the distant and demanding mother of my supposedly cheating boyfriend. I smile, letting my fears and remorse shine through.“I’ll survive,” I reply and I have to clench my teeth on my desire to tell her at least some of the truth. I hate that her world is about to be shattered some more. I know it’s somewhat her fault and her responsibility but, faced with her genuine worry for me, I can’t stay stoic. Her reaction probably stems from feeling responsible for her son’s entitlement – which is arguably true to some extent – and I never forget how she has always treated Paige, but I am not so callous as to feel guiltless over her trying to protect and comfort me.She eyes me thoughtfully for a moment, before nodding decisively and turning to include Paige in her field of vision. “Now, I want you both to come down and help me, today. Katherine, you hold your head up, you are not the one at fault here. And you will have Paige’s support, won’t she, Paige?” At the last part, she turns to Paige, even if her question is more a statement. “Of course,” Paige says, as she takes and squeezes my hand. I keep looking at her instead of looking down guiltily.Right after breakfast – during which I caught no sight of Asher – Hannah and her family need to leave in what passes for a hurry in their family. Beatrice is anxiously running around to make sure nothing is about to be forgotten, her husband is tetris-ing their luggage in their car, the baby is sleeping soundly in the car seat, and Hannah is hiding in Paige’s arms – not wanting to say goodbye. I’m watching them, awkwardly hovering at the end of the hall, waiting to say goodbye. I don’t even know if Hannah cares but I think it’s not a child’s role to ask their adults to show affection.Gabi exits the kitchen after putting her dishes away and stops next to me. I eye her from the side, barely turning my head towards her. “When are you leaving?” I ask.She hums absently, looking at Paige and Hannah too. “I’m not sure,” she finally replies. “My lease for the monthly place I found starts on the first, but I don’t think it would be polite to stay here until then.”“I think Paige would be happy to have the company after today,” I whisper to her, checking that no one is close enough to hear. She doesn’t reply and we lapse into silence. I feel like I overstepped. I barely know Gabriela and she hasn’t seen Paige in years. Maybe they haven’t talked in all that time. I never even asked, just assumed they did based on how Paige talked about her. But maybe I misinterpreted or misremember that.“I wish she would move out.” Sharply, I turn to her. I’m unsure I really heard her soft words. But then she looks at me, her eyes sorrowful and knowing, like she feels the same way I do about their family dynamics. I’m about to reply, I’m not sure what – that I offered? That it might be imminently inevitable? when I see Paige lower Hannah. I shoot Gabi a glance and approach them. I squat next to Hannah, far enough that I don’t crowd her, but she just hugs me tight without prompting. She’s certainly a very tactile person, which suits me fine, but this goodbye feels extra-special and I can’t help but read it as an ominous sign, much as I try not to taint this adorable little girl’s nostalgia with my fears. I rub her back, put a kiss on her temple, and then rest my cheek on the crown of her hair.When she lets go, I push hair away from her forehead and promise, “We’ll see you next year, okay?” It feels dishonest, and my hypocrisy makes me smile ruefully.I stand up when Gabi says her own goodbye and then her mother is here and taking her hand to walk her down the steps to their car. Asher kisses her hair as he puts her in her booster seat, and comes back up the stoop to watch them drive away with us. I know the dramatic sadness is all in my head, because I’m anxious about Asher’s revelation later today, but it’s all I can do to keep from hiding away in Paige’s room.After the departure of Hannah’s family in the early morning, the next relatives to leave are Sasha’s family. Henry is to drive them to the airport at noon, so they have an early lunch whileHenry and Asher pack the car. As soon as they’ve left, Asher finds me in the library, where I went to try and take a breather from the whirlwind of the last two families’ preparations for departure.“Do you think we should pack?” He asks with no preamble. I turn to him, seeing he’s closed the door. I ponder his question for a second. “You think they’ll kick us out?”He looks down sheepishly, hand rubbing his nape. “Better safe than sorry, you know.” I hum. We can’t fill his car yet anyway, he’s driving his cousin and her family while his dad drives the other family to the airport for their late afternoon flights. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have our bags ready. It’s just that it will make it all that much more real – and that I want to beg Paige to pack too, even if it’s simply to crash on Gabi’s couch.
“Come on, you know it’s the best course of action.” Asher insists when I take too long to reply.“Why are you asking me then?” I ask hotly, and I don’t stop when he recoils. “You didn’t care about my opinion about any of this debacle before.”“That’s not fair. I’m trying to make things right,” he whisper-shouts. I deflate a little. He’s certainly not apologizing, but I understand. “Was it fair to drag me into it?” I ask tiredly.Now he huffs and digs in his heels. “You know it wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” I cross my arms. “I just want you to take responsibility and actually listen to what I say.”He doesn’t answer for a long moment. Then he rakes his hands through his hair and exhales long and slow. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Do you agree we should pack?”I sigh. “Yeah, okay.”