For a while, she tried to function around the house, but she quickly got worse. As the cancer spread, so did the terrible pain. Her body was often hunched over and she had to fight to smile, something that previously came so naturally to her.
At first, we gave her drugs to numb her, but they made her sleepy and prone to blackouts. She said she didn't want to spend the last weeks of her life in an opium-like haze, so she had her doctor reduce the dosages. She was lucid, but every movement cut her like a knife. I don't know how she could tolerate it.
We put a hospital bed in our room and soon McKayla was spending more and more time in it, until she became too weak to get up. Four months had passed since they re-discovered her cancer.
Maureen took it well, I think. She kept a blog that we checked regularly. We talked all the time. I think she tried to put on a brave face for McKayla but it was tearing her apart inside. Just like it did to me.
one month, she came to me and said, "I want to do something for Mom."
"Anything," I told her.
So we spent the next few days meeting with a lawyer and trying to get our case expedited before McKayla died.
I was sitting in my chair next to McKayla when Maureen came in. My wife had the bed elevated, her legs were propped up in the most comfortable position possible. Maureen was holding an envelope.
She sat down on the bed, next to her mom and pulled out a stack of papers. She handed them to McKayla. Her eyes got wide and then teared up when she saw the court order.
"Maureen Rene Goin-Perry," McKayla whispered. After we got married, McKayla and I took each other's last names, but never changed Maureen's name. This she asked to do on her own.
"Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" our daughter said.
"Yes, it does," my wife said softly. "I love you. I always will."
"I know, Mom. I love you, too," Maureen replied, slipping into the bed. I watched the two of them cuddle and had to choke back tears.
Why would You do this to her? I asked in my mind. Why would You take that little girl's mother away from her? Take me instead!
Of course, God didn't answer. He never does.
McKayla's condition deteriorated over the next few days. Father Stimson came to see us regularly and at McKayla's request, he heard a final confession and administered the last rites.
A couple of nights later, we were sitting up late at night. McKayla had been drifting in and out of consciousness. She looked so frail.
I was reading a book, thinking she was asleep.
"Paige," her voice was barely more than a whisper. I looked up and saw her brown eyes open. Her lids were heavy, partly from exhaustion, partly from the drugs. Watching her in pain was killing me, so without her knowledge, her doctor and I increased her dosages.
"Yes, my love?"
"I had a dream last night," she said, a slight smile coming to her lips. "It was about our first night together."
Reaching out, I took her hand in mine.
"I love you, my Elven Princess," she told me.
All I could do was try to smile.
"Do you remember that night?" she asked.
"Like it was yesterday."
"Do you remember how it ended?"
"I do."
"You were in my arms. Your head was on my shoulder," her hand squeezed mine weakly. "Your breath felt so good on my skin. Your touch was so soft. I never wanted that night to end."
Tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks. Mine, too.
"You slept so peacefully that night," she continued.
"Only because I was with you, McKayla." I wiped her tears away.
"Will you hold me now?" her voice was strained.
"Of course," I reclined the bed a little and then slipped in under the sheets. I took her in my arms and cradled her to me.
"I'm glad I'm not going to forget you," McKayla whispered. "That was the worst part for me. Knowing that one month I was going to forget how much I loved you."
I kissed her forehead and pulled her in. "I love you, McKayla."
She put her arm around me. "And I will always love you, Paige. You mean the world to me. You and Maureen. Tell her that every day for me."
"You can tell her in the morning before she goes to school," I said, trying not to let her hear my voice break.
McKayla fell asleep in my arms not too much later. I held her and drifted off myself.
Sometime around three, I got up and went to get a drink of water. When I came back, McKayla's breathing was shallow. I sat down on the edge of the bed and felt her pulse. It was weak.
She took a string of three or four short breaths, then inhaled sharply.
Her chest rose one final time and then slowly deflated.
For the first time in months, all of the muscles in her body relaxed. The pain all went away. She had a slight smile. Her eyes were closed. Her head gently fell to the side.
McKayla looked so peaceful. Unmarred by the diseases and demons which had chased her for all these years, she was so beautiful.
I leaned over and kissed her still-warm lips one more time.
"Good-bye, my love."