I have so many things running through my mind at the moment that I do not know how to feel. My world was rocked on its axis when I found out about his engagement. Now he has told me that the entire time he has been fighting against it, but his mother had her own agenda. For the moment, my anger breaks, and tears spring to my eyes. What could I have done to deserve such a fate? Why did it take him so long to come to me?
I cant voice any of these questions as deep sobs are being wrenched from my throat at the pain I feel. I thought I had lost him. I never knew that something in this world could cause me so much pain. I feel Draco wrap his arms around me as I cry. Seeking comfort to my chaotic emotions I turn into his arms. I use him as my piece of solace as I try to let go of the pain.
We sit down as he hums our song trying to soothe me further. Soon my tears dry up and all I sense is quiet. My heart is no longer kissing in my chest. For days I felt like my world was ending. I had felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life by being with him. Now he is here. But I still do not know what to do. Despite of everything that has brought us to this point I know that I still love him. We still have a lot to talk about and work through, but I believe it is something he should know. When he finishes humming our song I lift my head to meet his gaze.
“Draco” I call his name.
“Yes, love?” he responds.
“I love you” I say simply.
I release a breath I had not realized I was holding. Happy that in this moment we still have this to hold to. I drift as if I am in a dream when Draco tells me that he still loves me too. He pulls his grandfather’s ring from his pocket and places it on my finger once more. He wipes my tears away and kisses my lips. We lay down on the blankets and hold each other. After the events of the last few days, I fear letting him go. In this moment as we stare into each other’s eyes time seems suspended. We drift in the calm of the evening light content to just be in presence of one and other. As we settle, we drift off to sleep entwined.
When I take in the scents, I can smell the garden is in full bloom. I can smell ginseng and ginger on the breeze. As I open my eyes, I am surrounded by people dressed in the finest silks and adorned with rich jewelry. Everyone is facing forward and seems to be caught in the attention of something beyond the rows in which we sit. How did I get here? I wonder to myself. I try to sit higher in my seat to see what everyone else is staring at. In front of all the rows stands an elderly man talking above two others kneeled in white. He addresses the crowd with his booming voice.
“We are gathered here today, to join these two in matrimony. Rise so that your guest may look at you in blessing.” He says aloud. The two hooded figures rise and turn to face each other. As hands lift to remove their hoods my stomach churns. I sit on the edge of my seat trying to see the faces. The figure to the left pushes back its hood first and I jerk back in my seat. Her features appear to be warped as if she is under water. I blink to clear my vision to see if her blurred image would be revealed. It stays the same. When the figure to the right drops its hood, I gasp. It is my Draco revealed to me in all his glory. He stands staring at the woman with no expression on his face as she beams at him in return.
“Draco, what are you doing?” I shout rising from my seat. At my shout he does not move to acknowledge that I have spoken. The priest presents them with the ceremonial cups and they both reach to take one listening to his words. I run down the aisle as fast as I can to stop him from drinking to honor the marriage. When I reach for his are my hand grows through it as he lifts the cup to his mouth. When he swallows the fluid I scream.
“No…. no. You cannot do this to me. Draco, please.” I try to plead with him. However, he could hear me. I go to touch him again as he drinks from the second cup handed to him. however, I am unseen. Inside I shatter knowing that if he drinks from the third, he has blessed the marriage entirely. He will never be able to dishonor the vows that each cup means. “Please, I love you. I cannot live without. Do not drink. You can stop this now. Just hear me” I sob.
He reaches for the last cup and brings it to his mouth. I fall to my knees in despair and scream as he swallows. I beat my hands on the ground angry at what he has done. As those around cheer on their feet in blessing for the new couple someone touches my head. Looking up with blurry vision I Kawa kneeling down.
“I told you that he would marry another. You should have listened to me when I tried to save you from the pain. He belongs to her now. You were just part of his rebellion. Well, you never know, he could choose you as his concubine. You won’t get as many riches as his wife, but my boy should enjoy playing with you” she says with a laugh at the end.
I watch her walk away through my tears on the arm of Draco’s father. When I look back to Draco, he is grabbing the arm of his faceless bride. As I cower on the ground in my sorrow they walk through me to begin their new life…...together. I use what little strength I have left to rise from the ground. As I watch their parents toast the last cups to their union I scream my anger and pain to the heavens……...
Someone is screaming very loud. As my eyes snap open to meet the worried expression of Draco I realize that is I who screams. I quickly shut my mouth and jump up from bed enraged. Even in my dreams he still chooses another. The truth he omitted to all this time came to fruition.
“Io, are you all right? You were screaming as you slept” he says to me.
As angry as I am I cannot even look at him. As I search for my geta I realize that I can barely see. There is only a dim glow from the lantern illumination how long we slept on the covers. As I blink to try to adjust my eyes the setting sun does not provide further light either. Draco is now standing up from the covers and comes toward me with his hands reached out.
“Don’t touch me” I snap at him. He jerks back from my harsh town to run a hand through his hair. I spot one of my geta on the covers where my feet laid and move to retrieve it.
“Why are you angry Io. What have I done?” he questions.
“You LIED to me. You kept what your arrangement a secret the whole time. You were going to marry her to fulfill your family’s obligation” I bellow.
“I explained to you about that. How I fought the entire time so it would never come to be. I thought we came to an understanding yesterday. I told you what you mean to me” he yells.
“What I mean to you” I repeat. “Let us talk about that then shall we. If you had of married her what would my place have been in your life? Would you have abandoned me completely? Oh no, I know you would have wanted me to become just like your mother and become a concubine with no true ties, right? I would have just been your first plaything in a sea of many” I scream as I put the other geta on my feet.
At my tirade he stays quiet in his shock. As he hears my words he puts his head down guiltily and starts to play with his hands. That look is all the confirmation I need as try to walk past him to exit the cave. He reaches a handout when I near him, and I jerk back staring at him with a face of stone.
“If it meant I wouldn’t lose you then that is exactly what I would have done” he says loudly putting his hands up in surrender. “I would have still had you in my life. I would have only had to give her an heir and send her away. I would have taken no other after” he says reaching to touch me once more.
I jerk when his arms touch mine as tears run down my face angrily at his words. “You would have had to give her an heir. Why would I want to be with you when you would have to share what we shared with someone else?” I scream in his face. “I would rather be dead than subjected to face the pain your mother feels at your fathers leaving. Let me go…” I shout as I push him away from the hold he has on me.
When he topples back I lose my footing as the edge of his robe is yanked from beneath my foot. I quickly gain my balance as Draco falls to the ground. CRACK!! I hear. Everything goes still in the cave in an instant except for my heavy breathing. Draco lays against the cave floor not moving. I rush to him kneeling at his side and place my hands on his face to see if he is alright. When I see his eyes open I take a breath of relief and I rub my fingers through his hair.
“Draco, I’m so sorry. My foot caught on your robe, and I didn’t mean to……” I begin. My fingers on his hair have touched something wet. When I bring them closer to my face to look I see that they are crimson. When I gently rub my fingers together in the liquid I realize that this is blood. I look into his eyes and see that they are still unmoving.
“No, no, no. please no” I plead in a shout in the cave. I pull Draco’s head into my lap as I try to staunch the bleeding while I scream with all my might. “Somebody please. Somebody please helps me. Oh god, please. Please help me” As hold the boy I love to my chest he is so still. His body is warm against me and as I hold the bottom of my dress to his head I feel that it has soaked through.
In the background of my cries, I here footsteps as they approach the cave. As tears leak down my face in a rushing torrent I gasp for breath. As he lays in my arms motionless I realize the truth in the moment and just like in my dream I scream with all my might as I realize the boy I love is dead.
As I lay there rocking him I hear another scream in the cave. Many faces fill my vision in the dark. The faces have moving mouths, but I cannot hear the words they speak. As someone tries to shake me out of the moment I barely feel it. “He fell” I hear myself say. I look at the face of the boy I love once more and then everything around me goes black.