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Incurable Pain | Chapter 59
“317 was the first patient I received after entering the hospital.”
On the way to the hospital, perhaps because the space inside the car was too narrow and quiet, or perhaps because a heart full of bitterness had nowhere to vent, Yu Luoyin couldn’t help but murmur, sharing with Bai Xunyin the curious incident from earlier.
“His real name is Chen Han, just a child, only seven years old when he came to the hospital, and he ended up staying for over a year.”
“Later, we all got used to having such a person in the hospital, jokingly calling him our ‘annual contract client.’ With people coming and going, everyone was afraid of mixing up his name, so we just called him 317, using the room number instead.”
“317 had a congenital vascular malformation. This disease couldn’t be cured, essentially waiting for death. But the child’s parents had some connections and refused to give up. They searched many hospitals, but no one was willing to accept him for fear of trouble.”
“At that time, I was young and fearless, liked stirring up trouble, and secretly put the patient under my teacher’s name… Ha, for this matter, the old man almost died of anger. He said he would fire me and send me back to school.”
When Yu Luoyin got to this point, he laughed briefly, his slender fingers supporting his head. The smile on his face seemed self-deprecating, yet also nostalgic for his past self, ignorant yet fearless.
“Of course, I didn’t agree. I said hospitals are for treating patients and saving lives, and neurosurgery is for operating on the brain. If we refuse to accept patients because their conditions are difficult to treat, then what’s the point…”
People who dared to speak like this to their teachers were mostly ‘devils,’ Bai Xunyin couldn’t help but glance at him.
Suddenly, she remembered how in high school, Yu Luoyin had been similarly ‘audacious’ with their class teacher, Yu Shen. She couldn’t help but smile.
“But later, the old man praised me again, saying he actually admired my honesty. But the hospital needed ratings and couldn’t easily invite trouble. 317 wasn’t an ordinary child. If we cured him, it would be a favor to his family. If we couldn’t… the child was destined not to be cured.”
Just like a terminal illness, those unfortunate enough to be afflicted could only wait for death.
Yu Luoyin lowered his gaze, feeling a bit desolate, “317 was a very good kid, very obedient. Most kids at seven or eight years old are annoying, but 317 knew he was different from ordinary children. A little guy like him knew to count the days, even if he could only spend time in the hospital, he cherished every day.”
As Yu Luoyin narrated, the image of a thin, pale, but clever little boy with a hint of illness came vividly to mind.
Bai Xunyin’s heart twinged.
“Congenital vascular malformations have no cure, neither in China nor worldwide. The failure rate of surgery is ninety-five percent. There’s nothing we can do but try to prolong his life with medication. Previously, we had come up with a plan. If successful, he wouldn’t have to stay in the hospital for several years. But…,” Yu Luoyin’s voice trailed off, his tone heavy.
“But 317 had a cerebral hemorrhage.”
With vascular malformations, various accidents could happen at any time.
You never knew when a devilish accident would unexpectedly descend upon your ‘plans.’
Throughout the journey in the car, there had been no call from the hospital. At this moment, no news was good news.
When they arrived at the hospital gate, Yu Luoyin got out of the car. Before his long legs could step onto the stairs, he hesitated for a moment, then turned to look at Bai Xunyin.
Normally, he would have run off without looking back like last time. This time, however…
Both of them remained silent, the atmosphere eerily quiet.
After a while, Bai Xunyin reached out and handed the keys back to Yu Luoyin, her delicate fingertips brushing against his palm.
Suppressing the urge to grasp onto those fingertips, he pursed his lips and turned away without a word.
This might be the last time.
Yu Luoyin thought to himself, feeling a profound sense of emptiness inside.
Unexpectedly, when he anxiously waited in front of the elevator, Bai Xunyin also followed.
The slender figure beside him was so familiar, yet Yu Luoyin was somewhat surprised as he turned his head slightly.
“You…”
“I just heard what you said, and I also want to go see 317.”
Bai Xunyin’s hazel eyes were calm as water, fixedly gazing at him.
“Is that okay?”
Of course, Yu Luoyin wouldn’t refuse.
The two of them went upstairs together to the seventeenth floor. Outside the operating room, there happened to be a doctor accompanying 317’s family, who quickly greeted Yu Luoyin.
“Brother Yu, this afternoon we were going to give Chen Han intravenous fluids as usual…”
The doctor on duty today was also an intern. The situation had frightened him to the point of trembling.
His voice choked with sobs as he continued, “But then the child got up and accidentally fell, and… and…”
Yu Luoyin’s heart sank as he listened to the cause and effect. He had a rough idea of what had happened.
Children who had endured illness for years had immune systems no different from elderly people in their twilight years. A fall could be fatal.
He knew that this time, 317’s situation was dire.
In an instant, a chill seemed to crawl up his spine.
However, a pair of soft, tender hands grabbed his icy fingertips and gently shook them.
This small gesture brought Yu Luoyin back to his senses. His hazed-over eyes looked somewhat lost as he glanced at Bai Xunyin beside him.
This was the first time in six years that Bai Xunyin had taken the initiative to hold his hand. It was just a simple gesture, hooking their pinkies together, hardly qualifying as ‘intimate.’
“Don’t panic.”
The woman’s voice was always chilly, but to Yu Luoyin’s ears at this moment, it seemed to carry a hint of soft determination.
“Until the results come out, everything is unknown.”
And in academia, frightening oneself was a cardinal sin.
The same likely applied in hospitals.
“Thank you.”
Yu Luoyin hadn’t expected Bai Xunyin to be willing to accompany and comfort him at this moment. His voice was very soft as he thanked her and forced a smile – suddenly feeling like he needed to straighten his back, to act like a person.
He didn’t want to appear weak in front of the girl he liked.
Rubbing his face with his cold hands, when he looked up, his shattered gaze had become resolute.
“Little Liu.” Yu Luoyin turned to the intern doctor in front of him.
“Do I need to go into the operating room?”
“Brother Yu, you probably don’t need to go in now.” Xiao Liu replied anxiously, giving a factual answer.
“The most authoritative professor in the department has already entered the operating room, along with the director. The three of them are performing this surgery on 317 together. Maybe… maybe…”
He didn’t dare to say what came next, but everyone was hoping for a ‘miracle’ to happen.
Yu Luoyin’s eyes fell on the couple sitting together not far from the operating room – both were middle-aged, around forty years old. Both the man and the woman were impeccably dressed from head to toe, but their faces were uniformly pale, their pupils hollow, like shells devoid of souls.
It was clear that no matter how well-dressed one appeared on the outside, without the spirit and support, it was useless.
These were Chen Han’s parents, renowned entrepreneurs.
The surgery lasted a full seven hours. The sun went from high in the sky to being obscured by darkness, and only then did there come a commotion from beyond the operating room door.
Several doctors and nurses in white coats emerged from inside. Yu Luoyin’s gaze swept over them, landing on his own mentor, Professor Zeng, who was leading the way.
Having followed Professor Zeng for over a year, Yu Luoyin could infer a patient’s condition from his postoperative expression.
With just one glance, he knew whether Chen Han was still alive.
But now, looking at Professor Zeng’s expression…
It seemed to say ‘acceptance’ written all over.
Yu Luoyin’s heart lurched, a sour and bitter feeling flooding his nostrils. Tears flooded his eyes, which hurted together.
Every doctor would have a special emotional attachment to the first patient they treated, much like a ‘first love’ in the hospital.
Not to mention that Chen Han was so special, so young…
Over the past year, he had visited him almost every day.
Now, it was all gone.
Abruptly, unexpectedly.
Even Yu Luoyin found it hard to bear, let alone Chen Han’s parents.
They had already surrounded Professor Zeng, asking questions in a flurry. Upon hearing the all too familiar words from the doctor, ‘we did our best,’ the woman’s wails echoed throughout the sealed space of the seventeenth floor.
Yu Luoyin unconsciously gripped the woman’s hand beside him tightly. Bai Xunyin pursed her lips, watching him, her face like frost, not saying a word.
For seven whole hours, he held onto her hand without letting go.
They didn’t eat, they didn’t drink, they didn’t even go to the bathroom.
Although she hadn’t had the same firsthand experience with the 317 child, Bai Xunyin could understand Yu Luoyin’s profound anguish at this moment.
Because the atmosphere surrounding him right now made it hard for her to breathe.
Yu Luoyin had always been someone who rarely brought negative emotions to others, at least not in front of her.
Bai Xunyin knew that this man was concerned about his reputation.
But now, he seemed to be losing control a bit. His long, large hands were gripping hers so tightly that it hurt, making her furrow her brows slightly and exert a bit of force to break free.
As the woman’s soft fingers slipped away from his cold grasp, Yu Luoyin snapped back to reality. He lowered his gaze, looking at his empty palm, and smiled self-deprecatingly.
He had become so pathetic.
In just one day, he felt like he had lost everything, both in his emotions and in the hospital.
It was as if a huge rift had been torn open in his heart, and he didn’t know which way to turn.
They say patients rely on doctors, but don’t doctors also rely on these patients?
Patients rely on them to heal and save lives, while doctors rely on the sense of achievement, satisfaction, and even the affirmation of their own worth after healing and saving lives…
In an instant, Yu Luoyin felt like he possessed nothing.
He couldn’t get what he wanted from Bai Xunyin, he couldn’t hold onto 317, he couldn’t do anything.
He wasn’t some prodigy. The cold reality told him that he was a failure, as if he had become someone who disappointed others.
And what was even more frustrating was that he had gotten used to acting as if nothing was wrong.
Yu Luoyin reached up to rub his face, then stiffly stood up.
He suppressed all his negativity and pessimism, forcing himself to appear calm as he said to Bai Xunyin, “Let’s go, I’ll take you home.”
There wouldn’t be any more chances for him to cling to her stubbornly. Yu Luoyin wanted to maintain his ‘dignity’ even at the last moment.
Even though he felt like a fragile paper tiger now.
But as he turned away, a pair of soft arms wrapped around his waist.
“Yu Luoyin.”
In that moment when the man stood there in a daze, Bai Xunyin’s calm voice was like a sweet nightmare.
“Calm down. No one will be disappointed in you. Don’t get stuck in trivialities.”
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