"Well, Sophia we will start. Sit here and close your eyes, focusing on the sound of water and only the sound of the water outside. Don't think about anything, empty your mind and let yourself be lulled by the sensations in your body. Once this is done, you will see in the back of your mind the representation of your wolf. It is a difficult exercise if you are not careful, it's your wolf who will take over and you will never be able to return to your normal state again."
"What? Does that mean I can stay a wolf for the rest of my life?"
Elsa smiled reassuringly but I couldn't take it. She wanted to hide something from me, I know.
"Listen, as I told you, being able to control your transformations is a crucial step in your life as a lycanthrope. It is with this ability that you can easily master the other currents, in particular the last one, one of whose aspects is quite complex in your case. You have to find harmony between your lycanthropic nature and your human side. If I can make a simple analog, your human side represents your body and your lycanthrope nature represents your mind. In your case, for the moment your body and your mind which should share your essence with equal value are unequally represented. Your body is trying to smother your mind, which isn't good for a lycanthrope. Imagine your frail body trying to control all the strength of your mind with no harmony between the two... It's like trying to contain extremely strong vibrations in a fragile glass…"
" It will eventually break."
" Exactly."
"When you say break... What does it mean to me?"
Elsa sighed before putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Let's do our best so that you don't have to experience it."
I gulped, she didn't have to tell me directly, I think I know what can happen if I'm unable to control my nature. I looked at Elsa with resolute determination not to fail and she smiled.
" You must create a perfect harmony between your body and your mind, like the principle of Yin and Yan. Always in symmetry, without ever taking the ascendancy over the other, if the body takes the ascendancy you break, and if the mind does it, you lose your humanity. If I speak of a delicate stage, it is because this current cannot be mastered all at once. It's a daily fight, at all times, we lycanthropes must control our body-mind harmony so as not to degenerate. This notably involves our emotions, always keeping the minimum dose in each of them."
I listened carefully to what Elsa was telling me, just a mental note. This woman could have been a very good teacher. If I had had her as a science teacher, I certainly wouldn't have struggled to pass this subject in high school.
I shook my head as my mind wandered off-topic. I had to stay focused otherwise I don't know what would happen.
"Well, I pretty much understood the situation so I would like to know if there is a trick to keep my body and my mind in harmony. Pond given that it's an everyday fight, I have to know at least how not to lose it."
"Indeed, but for now you must first know why you want to be in harmony with your wolf, is it for a specific purpose or just because it is part of you? You must understand Sophia that, from your answer and the oath that your two essences would have made to your soul, you will always have to act accordingly. If you fail, your wolf will take advantage and if he fails you will take advantage. In both cases, it is not a scenario to consider for your good because you run to your loss."
I thought, why do I want to be in harmony with my nature, it's obvious, I want to gain power so that I can take revenge on my parents' murderers. I must control this force if I want to make them pay for the ruin of my life.
But if I sign it in pact with my soul and I fail, would I have lost? Then my mind will take over and I will become a lycanthrope unable to take on human form and devoid of humanity.
I bit my lip, no time to doubt, I had already made my decision a long time ago and I don't intend to retract.
I will take revenge on the Alpha of Soul Moon even if it means losing my humanity if necessary, and if anyone gets in my way I will be merciless.
I looked at Elsa and sighed.
" I'm ready... I have to find my wolf deep inside me and we have a little chat face to face. But we only did that before my coming-of-age ceremony."
Elsa giggled.
" This primary consciousness with whom you spoke was only a weak representation of your wolf as an infant, the one you must meet and convince to form a pair is an adult."
I rolled my eyes, so I was just arguing with a kid this whole time. Now I have to convince his adult form?
The first was already not easy to manage but there... No, I must not let myself go, he's my wolf he must obey me, damn it he squats my body, it seems to me he must pay the rent.
I closed my eyes resolutely telling my wolf who is boss, ignoring Elsa's warning as I fell into a deep meditative state cut off from the world.
"There must not be a will to dominate, you are two sides of the same coin, and you must work together and not work for each other. Respect your wolf and he will do the same."