I have been sitting in my room or should I say Isaac's room for quite a while. I just needed some time to think about everything he told me. My thoughts are all jumbled up and I do not even know if I want to be awake anymore. I run a hand through my hair and groan because of the massive that is threatening my head. I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that he opened up to me more than I have to him and he let his emotions known just an hour ago. Isaac has not disturbed me and I am so thankful that he let me have some time to make sense of the information he dropped on me.
I stand up and walk over to the balcony where the moon is shining brightly in the sky and the stars are displaced on the dark blanket. I close my eyes and let the calmness that comes with the night to calm my nerves and thoughts. This day has been way too much than I would ever bargain for. The morning was a mess, I had to deal with a lust driven wolf and then all this information and emotion has just been dropped on me like a heavy anvil.
Can I just get a break for a day and live normally, away from all this werewolf stuff. I am just seventeen and not even yet legally an adult but I feel like I am being forced into making decisions that only adults are supposed to make. I never asked for any of these complications. All I ever wanted was to meet my mate after I turned sixteen and for him to swoop me off my feet. Well after a year, I have found my mate but everything that is happening is irritatingly contradicting with how I imagined meeting my mate.
I decided to be in the confinement of Isaac’s room because I cannot have him hearing all my confused thoughts. Heck, I think that I would give him a headache just because of my confusion. I just need the solidarity to try and make sense of my own thoughts. I do not need someone listening in to my silent battle.
I look up at the sky and sigh, remembering all his words….
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"I don't know where to start from." Isaac says while running his fingers through his now tousled hair.
I am very used to seeing his hair tousled, ruffled and falling over his forehead and slightly covering his eyes that it would be weird to see it neatly and well combed. It does not really matter since the messed up hair makes his eyes look more gorgeous and defines his chiseled face.
"Start from the beginning." I respond in a 'duh' tone.
"Okay." He sighs. “When I was born, my mother and father did believe I was special but they didn't quite know exactly how, until when I first shifted. After seeing my white fur my father and mother knew I was a sacred werewolf. They helped me discover my abilities and how to control them. I could sense a rogue or an enemy’s scent and thoughts from afar so that helped big time.” He says and sighs as if what he is about to say is something that he regrets.
“But there's a day when I was....... training with Alex and I almost hurt him with....um ice___" His jaw is clenched when he looks up at me.
"Ice? Are you saying you have like ice abilities?" I ask failing to keep the shock in my voice.
"Yep." He says silently. I see a look of worry and uncertainty cloud over his face and I am worried that he might stop and decide to end this right away.
"Go on please?" I plead. This is a very interesting story, it is like I am being told the origin story of some superhero.
Isaac let out a small chuckle at my thoughts but did not comment and he took that as an invitation to continue.
"So after that my parents knew they needed real, professional help in training me to control my abilities. They enlisted the help of a sacred werewolf like me....Narai.... She was a great help considering her age and wisdom.” The look of sadness fills his eyes as he recalls the memory.
“At the beginning all seemed to be going okay until Narai told my parents that there's a huge possibility that I might not have a mate. She said that at times sacred werewolves are rogues so they do not end up having mates because the moon goddess has blessed them with abilities that a regular werewolf doesn't have."
I let out a silent gasp as the words leave his mouth. A mate is something that every werewolf looks forward to. Immediately when we turn sixteen, all we hope for is meeting our mates, it is after all something that the moon goddess has blessed us with. A soul mate and your other half, someone meant to be by your side.
I can only imagine as to how he was broken when he was told that he might not have a mate.
"I was broken to hear that, I was only eleven by then but it really hurt knowing that I won't experience the joy of having a mate. I was like on shut down mode for a week so my parents thought of bringing my brother and I here by then he was eight.” His voice sounds broken. This is definitely a painful memory.
“One night I was so depressed in my room that I didn't sense the scents of the rogues that were attacking, I got back to my senses when I heard my mother scream in pain. I really tried my best to save them but they died trying to protect Caleb and me." He says,
Right now he is at the edge of tears, his voice has become huskier and I can sense the hurt, anger, pain and regret in his tone. I can only feel a fraction of his pain and I cannot relate to what happened to him but that does not stop me from feeling bad and wanting nothing but to wipe away the hurt.
"Isaac you can stop if you want to." I say trying not to push him.
I do not wish to push him to his limit. This is obviously a sensitive topic for him. He lost his parents at such a young age and now just because I need answers he has to relive and recall those memories that he has been trying to push at the back of his mind.
"No. I want to tell you." He responds.
I respond with a slight nod.
"I lived in denial of a mate ever since. Something in me snapped in me that day seeing my parents die in front of me. I believed that I was destined to be an Alpha without a Luna and my pack would be a pack without a Luna.” He breathes out. I know that the thought of not having a mate and a Luna for his pack must have hurt.
“I lived recklessly afterwards, I watched my friends find their mates and it hurt but I tried to brush it off by fucking around.” He says the words with so much venom lacing his voice that I almost flinch. “Until the day I saw you in the food court, I just couldn't believe it so my state of denial kicked in and I indirectly rejected you......” His face is now scrunched up as if he hates the memory and details of what had happened that day.
“I swear that was very painful, it was like watching my parents die for the second time." He paused taking in a deep breath.
I continue listening silently not trying to disturb his emotional state. It was painful. I still could not overcome the smug smirk that he had own his face when he “offered” me a quickie and then said that he is not into my “type”. The latter hurt more than anything, I was meant for him and he did not like my type but preferred blondes. It hurt more when I saw the blonde, Lily constantly wrapping herself around his arm.
"I'm really sorry. I didn't know what else to do, I just couldn't believe it and I ended up doing something I'll regret for the rest of my stupid life." The look of regret and hurt on his face is enough to make me want to wrap my arms around him and console him.
But I sit there in silence, loss of words.
"I-I’m sorry Aleisa. Let me make it up. I swear I won't fuck up." He says with pleading eyes with a mixture of guilt.
I still could not bring myself to say anything. I look up at him with an emotionless look on my face, I honestly do not know what to say.
"Aleisa.... please say something?" He pleads.
I stand up from my sitting position. “I need to think." I say and head up the stairs.
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So here I am in my room well technically his room, thinking my head out. I already feel a headache coming. I do not know what to do but something in me tells me I know what to do but I feel too weak to actually do it. The guilt that covered his face is enough to raise the butterflies in my stomach and want to run back to him. I want to forgive him so bad but something keeps holding me back. I do not know.
Maybe it is because I want to forgive him but I still cannot get the images of him with those other girls in the hallways. Those other blonde girls that wanted to be glued to his body that only I am meant to hold like that. I might sound like a possessive bitch but it is a natural instinct that comes with our wolves to be very possessive of our things including our mates. The memories of those girls around him while he still looks at me from afar is a memory that has stuck in my head and no matter how much I try to erase them from my mind. It seems impossible.
The smug look on Lily’s face when she cornered me in the hallways and told me to stay away from him is something that haunts me up until now. She called him hers! He is supposed to be mine but I had to watch him get hugged by those leeches. I really want to forget and only remember the way he has been looking at me for the past three days.
The dude has been trying very hard to apologize and he just shared a part of his past and seriously I know how hard that was, and he even agreed to be my personal chef just for a chance. His effort is something that I cannot just shove aside. His mistakes are horrible but his effort to apologize is something that I have noticed. The way he apologized and looked at me as if I have the ability to break him or build him. He definitely has that power over me, if I decide to let him in, he can either break me or make me strong. I am not so sure if I want to be broken further,
Maybe I am the arrogant asshole for being here....in this room....and not in my mate's arms. He had to remember a horrible part of his past and I cannot even imagine how he feels by being in the same place where his parents lost their lives. This house is so beautiful but I know that to him, it holds memories that haunt him.
I know what to fucking do.
I quickly turn around and slide the glass doors of the balcony, I walk out of the room and close the door. I check for Isaac but I do not spot his dark hair anywhere downstairs. I quickly run up the stairs and make my way to search for the room that he is occupying, this would have definitely been easier if I knew where he is sleeping. I cannot believe this guy, he gave me his room and sleeps in one of the guest rooms. After opening a few doors, coming up short handed, I decide to trace his faint scent in the hallway. After walking further and passing a few doors, his scent becomes stronger and I end up in front of the room he is occupying.
I slowly open the door and my eyes land on Isaac, who is seated at the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands. He looks restless. I slowly make my way to the bed and he removes his hands from his face and looks up at me. He looks at me, confusion clear in his stare. I immediately notice the slight red that is covering his eyes and the trace of tears that is marking his face.
I feel guilt hit hard at me as I stare at him, without a second thought I take one last step in front of him and crouch down to wrap my arms around him. Electricity shoots through my whole body, I could really light up a whole city with the amount of electricity surging up my whole body.
"I'm sorry Isaac" I say as my eyes become teary.