Calen thought he knew pain - he didn’t.
What he was currently experiencing made the sliver lotus look pleasant - at least there the pain was purely physical, and therefore limited by human physiology.
His mind was frozen, his soul was on fire and his flesh was being shredded - at least that’s how it felt, in reality only his soul was being directly affected by the ritual, the rest was just a side effect.
The only thing he could perceive was pain, any other sensation or feeling was completely cut off, leaving him deaf, blind and mute.
He tried to scream - and maybe he did, it was difficult to tell in his current state - he did everything to keep focus, to not lose the grasp on his tenets.
To do so, he attempted to recall what made him decide on each of them:
The case of Konrad - how deep the conspiracy went, and how many plot twist they went through before they finally arrived at the TRUTH.
Both the dagger and the corrupted creatures made him realise that no matter how corrupted somethig is, ABSOLUTION is always possible.
Finally was the story of how Maya and Alison met, as well as the coup that took place in the Order - he despised betrayal in any form, and ultimately valued LOYALTY above all else when it came to relationships.
Those were his tenets - the values he would uphold as a holder of the divine flame.
He acknowledged that his choices were very different from those of the current Sun God, his were targeted towards others, while the deity focused solely on themself.
They would certainly create interesting power when combined, but to get to that point he would have to survive this first...
From the outside perspective Calen screamed for only a few moments before going completely silent. It was clear that he was in pain from his expression, but he didn’t move or make a single sound after the first time.
The only indication that he was still under the influence of the circle were the flames around him - they were growing and shrinking without any apparent pattern, their behaviour was wild and unpredictable, but they never crossed the line made by the braziers.
"I don’t ." Isara stated, her face contorted into a frown.
"Can you feel his pain? Is it that bad?" Elira asked quietly.
"That’s the thing - I can’t!" She sounded frustrated. "For some reason the connection between us is completely silent, as if nothing was happening to him."
"Of course you can’t feel anything." Sylara said. "A basic moon blessing is a very shallow bond, it can only alert you of bodily harm and very strong emotions. Calen is currently experiencing enormous pain through his soul, but his body is completely fine."
"Will it be this painful for the entire ritual?" Cassian questioned.
"Oh no - it will get much worse." Sylara shook her head. "The ritual already began, but it hasn’t progressed yet - most rituals, this one included, require the person undergoing it to put in some effort."
"Calen will have to figure out how to bring the flame closer to his soul, but the closer he brings it, the mor pain he will experience. The ritual, and the pain, will stop once his soul and the flame come directly in contact."
"So he will just feel more and more pain until he can finish the ritual? That’s insane."
"Well, if we want to be technical about it, the pain will only increase up to a point - even without the limitation of physical body there’s only so much suffering a human mind can process."
"You mentioned that the ritual can fail." Elira remembered. "How can it happen?"
"There are two main ways, either Calen’s willpower gives in and he faints, or he releases the flame after trying to bring it closer - one he starts he has to see it through."
Just as Sylara explained that, the circle flashed brighter, and the flame inside of the lantern moved - almost imperceptibly, but it moved.
"He figured it out, now the real battle begins."
Understanding the basic rules of the ritual wasn’t particularly difficult, but following them was a different story altogether.
The moment he brought the flame closer the pain increased significantly - and what’s even worse it seemed to be fighting against him, pushing back to return to its original place.
He finally understood exactly why the ritual usually took hours - if you did that you would suffer more, but also have time to adapt by increasing the pain gradually. Tugging at it without any plan and trying to finish the ritual as soon as possible was an almost surefire way to pass out.
It was a choice between a marathon of torture and a sprint of suffering - neither was particularly pleasant, but the Flamebearers before him decided that slow and steady wins the race.
The question was whether he should follow in their footsteps, or maybe try his luck with the faster route.
Via a few test tugs he verified a few facts - firstly, every time he tried to bring the flame closer it traveled roughly a hundredth of the distance between him and the lantern, not terrible, but not great either.
Secondly, the pain increased linearly, not exponentially - that would make the task impossible.
Lastly, he noticed that no matter how much suffering he was in, he was always able to form mostly coherent thoughts - perhaps the soul pain worked differently than a regular one.
Faced with those those revelations, he decided to do something different entirely - instead of slowly adapting to the pain or getting through the ritual as quickly as possible he would drag the flame towards himself at a steady pace, maintaining a mediocre speed.
It would be slower than the sprint and more painful than the marathon, but it would also make him suffer less than the formar while being quicker than the latter.
Perhaps it was a stupid idea, but he had to try - his mental stamina wasn’t that great, nor was his willpower particularly strong.
"I thought you said that this will take many hours." Cassian commented.
"I did say that - because that’s how it usually goes." Sylara shrugged. "Your friend is clearly doing something different from everyone else."
It has only been an hour since the ritual began, yet the flame has already travelled over half of the required distance.
"How long until he reaches this pinnacle of pain you mentioned?"
"He’ll be there any moment now."
"Does it mean he might speed up?"
"I don’t think so, the pain might no longer increase, but the pushback from the flame will, his best chance for completing the ritual is maintaining his current speed until the end."
At this point the most difficult part wasn’t surviving the pain, but rather getting to move the flame at all.
Not only did Calen feel like his very being was falling apart and crumbling to dust, but he had to exercise willpower that would allow him to move mountains.
But he did it anyway.
Every pull, every rytmic tug was accompanied by one of his tenets - he repeated them so much that they almost lost all meaning to him. They were just sounds he made while working, no different from grunting or screaming, and yet they helped him maintain focus.
He was still completely cut off from the world around him, but he could feel that something was happening around him as the flame came within the reach of his hand.
"Are you sure we’ll be fine standing here?" Isara eyed the braziers suspiciously.
Once the ball of fire crossed the three quarters threshold the flame around the circle and in braziers started acting weirdly. It was still changing it size and swaying wildly, but it also began to merge together on occasion, creating entire walls of fire.
The colours also changed slightly - the previously weak and smal streaks of red, orange and white were now vivid and very substantial.
"Don’t worry, this is normal - if we didn’t have the braziers the whole building would have been turned to ash already."
"This place is made of stone though?" Elira pointed out.
"How did the church conduct these rituals? Did they have something like the braziers?"
"No idea, but I imagine they did, they were performed in secret locations and I doubt the church had enough of those to waste a few of them for every Flamebearer."
"But you’re positive that we’re safe here?"
"Yes, please believe me when I say that I studied this ritual and made appropriate decisions to keep everything and everyone safe." Sylara paused. "On that note, please close your eyes when the flame gathers, what happens next will be very bright and could potentially damage your eyes."
"When the flame gathers...?" Isara tilted her head.
The guardian didn’t get a chance to answer; all the fire gathered in and around the circle raised simultaneously, climbing higher and higher, until all of it merged into one - a dome of raging inferno, cutting the ritual off from the rest of the world completely.
Suddenly, the sphere of fire started growing brighter...
And then there was light.