Physical contact from Felix always felt so soft. For some reason, I could never refuse him.
“So please let me go when I need to leave.”
I retracted my hand after he kissed it.
Felix used to say something to me.
He would say that he should have supported Claudia from behind silently instead of keeping her in a greenhouse. Moreover, he would say that he shouldn’t have asked Claudia to rein in her feelings.
He thanked me because I had been supporting Claudia when he himself couldn’t do the same.
But if you thought about it, Felix was the person who sacrificed the most.
I didn’t have the ability to look at his heart, but I just knew.
How could a person be kind and gentle all the time?
No matter how good he was at hiding his feelings, there must be moments when he felt upset and angry.
It was kind of weird that Felix wanted to hurt me anyway.
I remembered the monologue I made before. I had mused that if you really loved someone, then no matter what kind of side they showed you, you would still accept it with a smile.
‘O-okay. I respect your decision’
….But, this was kinda…
I couldn’t say ‘Yes, just hurt me!’ to him. I was not a masochist.
I felt like I was a hypocritical person who said two contradictory things at once.
“Do you think I’ll let you go?”
I stared at him like an obsessed girl.
“Please don’t speak carelessly.”
It was a word that popped out of my mouth before I even thought about it.
“I’m not going to let you go just because you want it. You did nothing wrong, so why are you leaving your house? Do you realize there are bad people here? Don’t go. We need to find a way for the three of us to be happy together.”
Felix was surprised to hear what I said. His eyes went round like a rabbit’s.
Yes, he was such a good person.
‘He wouldn’t hit me, right? In the first place, Felix wasn’t rude like Viscount Amber.’
He was a man who had never been crass in his every word or action. Besides, there was no doubt that he liked me because I was cute.
“Is it okay to assume that you want to do something bad to me?”
H-he could actually do it! Even if I didn’t even want to imagine it.
Maybe he wanted to do it, but because I was so cute – in Felix’s standards – , he couldn’t do it.
Because I was so cute and adorable that he wanted to bite me – I’ll say it again, in Felix’s standards – maybe he was worried that he would hurt my feelings?
Maybe he feared that if he was under demonic influence, he would do something bad to me driven by his desire!
As I was lost in my thoughts, he opened his mouth.
“That’s not completely wrong.”
Then he stroked my hair and brushed it aside so that it wouldn’t cover my eyes. He smiled sweetly.
His eyes seemed to say ‘It’s not completely right, but at least you tried. You did well.’ Looking at his reaction, it looked like I had made a mistake.
Anyway, I understood that Felix was kind to everyone, so he must have felt a lot of stress. There was a saying that the more you bottled up, the more you would get hurt.
Didn’t he express it in a twisted way? About wanting to hurt me.
“Then, don’t hold back and do whatever you want.”
He stayed silent when I asked him to avoid getting hurt as much as possible.
“Don’t you think you have to relieve your desire before the demons appear?”
Why? Was I wrong? I thought it was a good idea, but it seemed like Felix didn’t think so.
“That’s what I want to say.”
“Don’t provoke me. You’ll get into trouble.”
Felix smiled and his expression turned serious.
I had never seen anyone who smiled with a serious expression like he did. Was I being scolded?
When I realized I was being scolded viciously, I muttered in exasperation.
“I think we’re too hasty. There may be another way out.. It’s not like the tragedy is going to happen right now, so let’s look for a way out together.”
“Yes, I will try my best.”
“How are you going to try?”
“If I keep enduring it, it may work.”
Then you would get hurt.
I knew some people like Felix. Most of them were kind. They endured, endured, and endured, until they crossed the critical point and exploded.
There was a saying that someone who was usually calm would be scarier when they got angry.
‘If an angel like him is half eaten by the demonic power…’
I thought that would be no joke. It was scary even just to imagine.
What would happen when he couldn’t hold himself back…
I was trembling just from the though. I had no choice but hope for another plan to pop up in my head before the heroes acted first.
Felix, who didn’t even know my thoughts, kept stroking my head as if I was something fragile.
‘I don’t know anymore……’
He didn’t say he wanted to leave anymore, so I decided to be content with that for today.
I quietly enjoyed his touch. As a result, I felt sleepy and yawned spontaneously.
It was already past bedtime. It was time for me to go back to my room.
The hand that was stroking my head moved to rub my cheek before gently touching my shoulder.
Then the man who wanted to hurt me guided me down onto his lap.
At the same time, my eyes fell shut.
For the first time in my life, I experienced sleep paralysis on a sturdy lap.
I tried to open my eyes, making a groaning sound. His beautiful eye color looked harmonious with his sheer silver bangs.
He opened the book he had next to him and said,
“It’s late, so go to sleep.”
Someone who wanted to hurt me read me a book in a soft voice.
The book he was holding was so thick, and it was a magic book that I couldn’t understand at all.
It was a very wise choice of a book to help me fall asleep.
After I thought that I was going to sleep well, I was waging an internal battle between my instinct to sleep and the fact that I was going to sleep on Felix’s lap.
It was a futile fight, because I was the kind of person who was more loyal to desire than anything else.
While I rested my head on his lap, I felt a sense of discomfort.
“Does it really hurt?”
If I told him frankly, ‘You look fragile on the outside, but your lap is harder than I thought’, that would be sexual harassment.
“It’s too high and a bit hard.”
Felix stroked my hair which had become disheveled after I laid down.
My mind and body were soothed by his gentle touch. By the way, after saying that he was sorry, wasn’t there no difference than before? I still had his lap as my pillow.
His voice was like a melodic lullaby.
And his touch as he patted my shoulder at regular intervals was very warm.
From the start, Felix was a person who was always adjusting, caring, and giving in.
But after I thought it over, this situation was what he wanted, wasn’t it? He said ‘it was late’, huh? There must be a deeper meaning behind his words.
At that time, I was uncertain if Felix was a kind and gentle sheep or if he was just wearing a sheep’s mask.
Anyway, what was more important was that Felix, who made me fickle-minded, had a sweet voice like honey…..
“You two are so mean doing things like that while I was asleep!”
‘Things like that’? I woke up in the morning to the sight of an angry Claudia standing before me.
I was half-awake with a blank expression ‘Huh?’. I frowned and blearily rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand because my eyes didn’t open well.
Felix whispered softly, stopping me from rubbing my eyes roughly.
Ah, I really didn’t understand. What happened?
After getting out of my dreamy state, I was finally able to see Claudia clearly.
She was pouting with tears in her eyes that threatened to fall.
Suddenly, my head ached and I was instantly fully awake.
“C-chloe, why are you crying? Don’t cry!”
In a panic, I jumped up from my seat. Then Claudia lifted her shoulders and shouted loudly,
“I want Rin to sleep on my lap too!”