VIII
Bullshit.
I punch the steering wheel and with one last glance let my eyes travel up her body and stop on her face for a millisecond. And then I drive the fuck away from her, every meter further from her reminding me of the mistake I'm doing with the way my heart beats with difficulty.
My throat itches to feel the burn of the alcohol, and I shake my head to get rid of the feeling.
I can't solve every fucking problem by drinking.
I don't want to go back
I don't want to go back
I don't want to go back
Stay with her!
I want to stay here with her!
My subconcious screams at me, and I want to scream too, I want every fucking body to hear me scream, but I can't.
I have to appear sane, even if I'm everything but.
My eyes burn the entire way home, but I refuse to cry.
After three torturous hours, I arrive back to Missoula, but I don't go to the shithole of my house.
Instead, I drive by and go straight to Amber's praying to the fucking god my uncle doesn't open the fucking door.
Of fucking course, god doesn't listen to me. I mean, why the fuck would he? It's not like I ever listened to him.
"What are you doing here?" he frowns at me and I roll my eyes because there's no fucking way that I'm answering him, and I push past the fat fucker, straight up to Amber's room, ignoring his calls. When I barge in, I find her on bed with that nerd on top of her and I almost vomit.
"Hey! What the fuck! You can't just barge in like that, are you fucking dumb?" she starts screaming and I cover my ears. Thank god their clothes are on, or this would be the last time the nerd sees his dick attached to his body.
"I'm sorry, stop fucking screaming!" I yell back. "I didn't know you two were fucking up here!"
"We weren't fucking, you ruined that for us if you didn't notice, you fucker." she hisses at me and that poor nerd looks pretty fucking uncomfortable sittimg on her bed, while she's standing, her mission apparently to scream at me enough for my ears to start bleeding. I shouldn't have come here in the first place, I should just leave. "Why are you here, anyway? You ran out of booze, so you came to check if we have any? Well, sorry to let you down, but we don't have drunks like you living here."
I roll my eyes. She's been acting like a bitch ever since she came to my house to help me and I refused her and maybe insulted her a bit. I didn't know she was that fucking sensitive. "I'm sorry that I called you pathetic, can you be normal now?" I let out a deep breath, rolling my eyes again.
She raises her brow, but sits down, nodding. I sit down too, on her chair, looking at them for a few moments, before sighing. This is awkward.
Should I just say it?
Fuck it.
"I saw her." I cough out, looking at my nails. There are a few moments of silence, before my shoulders are being roughly pushed back and surprised green eyes stare into mine. "Aw, what the-"
"You saw her?! Sophie!?" she squeals and I slowly nod. She keeps on staring at me for a few more moments, before finally letting me go and starts to jump around, clapping her hands. I frown at her, but I can't fight the small smile of satisfaction break on my face.
That weird nerd is grinning like the Cheshire cat, too, and they're both slightly freaking me out, but I can't deny the fact that I'm pretty fucking glad at how happy they seem to be. "Where did you see her? What was she like? Did you kiss? What were you even doing? How did that happen? Were you in Spokane or was she here? Why didn't she come visit me? Are you two talking again?" she asks a whole shitload of questions and I stop her, before telling them what happened.
I can't believe I'm discussing my love life with these creeps. After I'm done, she just stares at me with wide eyes. "What the fuck are you even doing back here, Axel?" she asks, and I open my mouth to respond, but no words seem to come out.
Why did I return again? I can't seem to find the fucking answer and Amber simply shakes her head and lets out a breath.
"Go back to her, you know you don't belong here anymore." she says and a smile breaks out in my face again as I stand up in rush.
"You're right." I say and without any more words, rush back to my car, hopeful for the first time in a long time. I can do this. I can get her back.
Quickly, I drive to Greyson's and call him, literally tossing him the motherfucking backpack from the car window when he comes out, and driving off to my house. I pack the few clean clothes I have, my whole house is a mess anyway and I don't have much worth shit to take with me. Eventually, I'll have to return to clean up the shit I've made, but I just don't give a fuck right now. With a suitcase I sit in my car and drive back to where I should've driven seven months ago.