"Is this the son you've been searching for all this time?"
The old Basilisk asked.
"Wahhh…" The new Basilisk—despite not shedding tears or actually crying—slithered toward Cohen dramatically. "I've been looking for you *forever*, wahhh…"
"You snuck into my bed in the middle of the night and made me risk being called 'Slytherin's Heir' just to come to the Chamber, all so you could call me 'son' to my face and take advantage of me?" Cohen dodged its "loving embrace." Getting hit by that thing would probably feel like being run over by a truck—again.
Here's the weird part: everything he'd read said Parseltongue was supposed to give you control over Basilisks. But Cohen didn't feel any control here. Either the library books were wrong, or his 9/10ths Parseltongue was missing that crucial last tenth.
"You don't know what I've been through all these years, wahhh…" the new Basilisk whined at Cohen. "Ever since everyone in that lab disappeared, I've had to hunt for my own food every day—and I couldn't even run into living people! If a bunch of them dropped dead out of nowhere, the wizards would've hunted me down… wahhh… that Derrick guy was a total liar…"
"Derrick? Who's that?" Cohen caught an unfamiliar name.
"Some wizard from the lab," the new Basilisk said. "He wanted to catch me. Of course, as a Basilisk who's lived over three hundred years, there's no way a puny wizard with barely any hair on him could nab me—even if he picked up some snake-talk later on. So he resorted to some *really* shady, dirty tricks… you know… Basilisks will never be slaves…"
"Unless there's free food and lodging," Cohen muttered.
He wasn't sure he'd ever laugh again.
"Didn't you just say, 'After everyone in the lab was gone, I had to hunt for my own food'? How's that a shady, dirty trick? Sounds like you signed up for it yourself!"
"Ha…" The new Basilisk's eyes darted away, looking suspiciously human-like in its guilt.
Cohen got it now. This Basilisk was here to mooch off him—the lazy, freeloading kind of mooching.
And honestly, Cohen *had* been planning to keep it around. A Basilisk as a secret weapon? Pretty handy. Plus, it was friendly with him—top-tier quality.
But its sleazy attitude gave Cohen this nagging feeling: *If I let it get its way this easily, I'm the one who's losing out.* No way was he letting it coast into a free meal that smoothly.
"Call me Cohen outside."
He wasn't ready to greenlight that nickname yet.
You don't get to jump the family ladder just by donating some blood or venom, right? Besides, Cohen wasn't feeling the "glare at your dad" vibe right now, and Ari wasn't around to pitch in either.
"That's your name?" the new Basilisk said, rubbing against Cohen enthusiastically. "I've got a name too—I made that Derrick guy find me one. It's Sissoko…"
"I could keep you around," Cohen said, feigning hesitation. "But you've been out there fending for yourself all this time—you must know how human society works. I'm just a student. I don't have that kind of power or influence…"
"I can be your rock-solid backup…" Sissoko jumped in, still angling for the freeloader life.
"So keeping you would actually put me in *more* danger," Cohen said slowly. "Plus, the attacks you two pulled off in the school have already put the teachers on high alert. I can't openly keep a Basilisk that matches the culprit's species. And I'm worried you'd just wander around everywhere…"
"If you cover food and shelter, I won't budge an inch!" Sissoko said quickly. "I'm super chill—"
*What the heck did those researchers turn you into?!*
Cohen decided roping it into an Unbreakable Vow was even more critical now. Without some hard rules, this thing would just laze around in his trunk like a dead snake—forget getting it to do anything useful.
"And I've got other creatures in my magical beast trunk," Cohen added. "If you go slithering around in there and they die, that's a big loss for me."
"I swear I won't move—you just give me a hole to crash in and toss me food every day!" Sissoko scrambled to prove itself.
"Considering you snuck into my bed the first time we met, I'm not exactly brimming with trust here," Cohen said. "But there's a way we could build some trust…"
"I'm in!" Sissoko blurted out.
*My own kid wouldn't screw me over, right?* it thought. Soon it'd be lounging in Cohen's digs for life! Sissoko was practically buzzing with hope.
"Alright, I'll bring my owl by later," Cohen said cheerfully. "We'll set up an Unbreakable Vow, then I'll move you into my place. Not right now, though—I don't want to drag you around and have people think *I'm* the one behind the Hogwarts terror attacks. Sooner or later, the professors are going to hunt down the culprit and clean house."
"Wait a sec…" The old Basilisk, who'd been silently watching this "weirdly heartwarming parent-kid reunion," suddenly spoke up. "Uh… that whole 'food and shelter' deal you mentioned…"
Cohen and Sissoko both turned to look at it.
The old Basilisk squirmed a little under their stares, looking almost shy.
"I told you ages ago not to stick with that unreliable descendant of your old buddy…" Sissoko said, suddenly chipper now that it had a spot in Cohen's trunk.
"You're a murderer, though," Cohen said, unsure how to handle saving this one. Sure, it was just following Salazar Slytherin's last wishes, but still.
"Are they gonna kill me?" the old Basilisk hissed. "The wizards in the castle?"
"Theoretically, yeah," Cohen replied. "Fifty years ago, you killed a girl. Recently, you attacked a Squib—though he didn't die…"
"I thought it was what the castle needed…" the old Basilisk said, its voice low. "Salazar said the castle would need purifying someday… He was the castle's master… His orders should've been the castle's orders…"
"But Salazar Slytherin's dead—he lived over a thousand years ago," Cohen pointed out. "His descendants aren't him. Aside from a tiny bit of blood, there's no real connection."
"Tch…" Sissoko clicked its tongue, like it wanted to defend the old Basilisk. "Cohen… this old guy's been stuck in this room its whole life. You can't expect it to keep up with the outside world…"
"I'll figure something out?" Cohen said, raising an eyebrow.
The evil side quest was to save *one* Basilisk…
But what if he saved *two*?
Would he get double the rewards?
"Sorry, I didn't catch what you just said."
In the Room of Requirement, the Earl asked Cohen cautiously but politely:
"Did you just say you want me to help you catch a Blast-Ended Skrewt?"
"You might need to clean out your ears," Cohen corrected. "I said, loud and clear, that I need to make an Unbreakable Vow with one—or maybe two—Basilisks, and I want you to witness it. You've got experience, and I don't trust humans with this."
Five seconds of silence.
"Did a **field rat run off with your brain?!"**
"Basilisks? *Two* of them? If you're mad I'm not a girl, just transfigure me or kill me outright—no need to drag two Basilisks into this to stare me down!"