I want to blame that man who rang the doorbell. Because he is the reason why this happened to me today. But I know he didn't mean it. He had no idea what was going on inside this house. Even if he didn't miss the doorbell, Hunter can hurt me, anytime he wants. I'm still the one to blame because I let this happen to myself. I let Hunter hurt me.
With my excessive fidgeting, I loosened the leash. I wash and look in the mirror. My face turned red, but it was fine and it didn't hurt. But it little hurts when I touched. I also looked at my hair that was only up to my shoulders and still grooved.
Physically, Emotionally. Even my soul seems to be hurting so much. But why is I feel like this, why do I still seem happy. Especially when Hunter hurts me. I feel like I am so important to him every time I caught his attention.
Like yesterday, he threw away the cup because the coffee has lacked sugar. I feel, my mixture is very important because he noticed that something was missing.
Last night, while he's having sex with me, he said that I am still tight. And I'm fit to be her bitch, sex slave, and bed warmer. He said he wouldn't get tired of tearing me up. I feel he praised my body.
Earlier, while I was washing, he called me. I rushed into his room just to be slapped in the face by the newspaper. I mistakenly took a newspaper at the store. Instead of today's date, I got yesterday's date. But I was happy even though he was hit me by the newspaper. Because he called me. That means I'm still important. Because he corrects my mistake.
Many days have passed, but here I am, still trying to convince him of my worth. We've been living for almost three years now. But until now, I am still suffering to prove my worth to him.
TODAY is just an ordinary day, but I wanted to make it's special. I will cook something special for him.
"Hunter," I smiled to call him as he watched the basketball game. He just looked at me and looked back at the screen again. "Can I go out for a moment? It's just down there."
"I don't care where you go, It would be better if you left totally out of my life, "he said then turned off the tv and entered his room.
"I'll cook you something delicious later," I shouted but he didn't listen to me anymore and closed the bedroom door. See, he talked to me and I was happy.
I took a shower for a while and then wore a beige-colored mini-dress. I have no other clothes other than my old ones. A little reveling but okay. It's only thigh length, one strap, and the cleavage is quite visible.
I fixed my hair which was also a bit longer now compared to Hunter's first haircut. I sighed while looking at my hair, I don't take good care of them anymore.
I only put on light makeup. I have no sandals other than my old heels.
Hailey, a former fashionista who almost made the mall like home just to shop for clothes, bags, and shoes. Now, is one of the great housewives who pays attention to her husband. I was shaken by what I thought.
Is there a woman like me? Changed, and willing to cross on the thread in the name of love. Because if there is, I want him or her to be my best friend.
I went to the salon to get a haircut and dye my hair. I have my own money because I haven't been able to get out since Hunter became my husband. The expenses of the house belong to Hunter, from utility bills to others' needs.
Chocolate brown with highlights is the color I requested to make my hair. I do manicures, pedicures too, and full body massage. I pampered myself somehow.
"Ma'am sorry." I caught a glimpse of the manicurist who looked around and turned pale.
"Huh why?" I asked him in surprise wondering what happened.
"I hurt your finger toes," he whispered obviously nervous.
When I look at my thumbnails I see the big cut on my nail. The cut on the dry skin with the dead skin fork was wrong, so the skin was actually cut and a lot of blood came out.
But I feel no pain. As in nothing. I can see the constant flow of blood that the staff is trying to stop. He was already pressing my finger, but I couldn't feel anything.
"That's fine, it's ok. Just wrap it with gauze. I'll be ok," I told the staff.
Am I really ok? That's what I feel.
"I'm really sorry ma'am," she said tearfully. He washed the wound with alcohol. He still looked at me but I smiled at her. I assure her that I am ok. So she continued wrapping gauze until she finished.
I give her a tip also before I left the salon.
I didn't speak to anyone, I didn't want to hurt that staff. But there is a question that bothers me.
'Why I don't feel any pain?'
My nails were cut from a dead skin fork, it was obviously painful and the wound was big until she put alcohol on my foot and wrapped it.
Should I have to worry?
But where?
In my body that no longer feels pain or because my mind is numb to what is happening in my body?
But instead of wasting my time thinking, I chose to go to malls, I bought some clothes and sandals. The old one I have is very rebellious. I also bought flat shoes. Also for Hunter I also bought clothes.
After I finished shopping. I went to a bookstore cafe. I remember those times when Kyla and I were still together. We often hung out in the cafe to insult the attendees. We laugh at whoever enters the cafe and said that they are feeling rich. We call them losers because they feel rich.
Sometimes we secretly insult couples. If we saw the guy is handsome we call the man charmed by the woman or the woman paid on him. We did nothing but laugh at the situation of the others. Now, when everyone knows my situation. They're probably going to laugh at me.
I remember how close Kyla and I were. But after the wedding, we lost contact. I want to know how she is, but every time I remember Hunter, I lose my longing to be with her again. Not now, not ever, until Hunter will love me.