Hector handed the breath spray back to her, and even though the color was gone from her face, he asked her again. “So why did that embarrass you?”
Her cheeks tinged but not nearly as much as the first time, and she shrugged, focusing on the things in her purse. “I just didn’t want you thinking that . . .”
From the moment he’d seen her at the door of her place, the smile had been a permanent fixture on his face. With her getting so excited over a damn grilled cheese and now this, his face was going to start hurting soon. He touched her hair, leaning in closer to her, and she turned to him. With her lips inches away from his now, he couldn’t help himself. “You didn’t want me to think you were getting ready for this?”
Leaning in slowly, wondering if she’d pull away since she had said this couldn’t happen anymore, he was relieved when she didn’t. He pecked her softly, and he was supposed to stop there, but unlike with other girls, with Charlee he had no self-restraint. His greedy lips and tongue couldn’t get enough of her, so he parted her lips with his tongue and went in for more. She allowed him to indulge for a bit longer before pulling away a bit breathless.
“Hector,” she began then stopped. She seemed almost upset.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly.
“No. Don’t be.” She frowned, shaking her head. “I just wish I wasn’t so damn . . .”
She stopped, and he waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked away.
“So what?” he asked confused.
Turning back to him, she licked her lips, and that’s all it took to distract him. Then she spoke again. She glanced away, clearly not wanting to make eye contact when she spoke. “I was going to just go along and enjoy today and not think about the consequences. I wish I could. I really do. But if I'm being honest with myself and you, it’s impossible for me. I can’t.”
Beginning to understand what she was saying, he slipped his hand in hers. The nerves he felt as he drove to her house today were back in full swing. “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Now her big baby blues were staring at him, and if he thought she’d let him, he’d kiss her again and again. Instead, he focused on what he’d come here to say to her. “You said it before, and I think it’s what you’re saying now. You can’t do this because you need more than just this.” He squeezed her hand. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Charlee. I’ve never done anything more than just this. I never needed to, but now I . . .” He kissed her hand because his lips needed to be on hers, and he didn’t want to kiss her lips again until he knew she was okay with it. “Now I need it. I need you, and I’ll probably suck at the relationship thing at first, but if you give me a shot—if more is what you want and it’s what I need to give you in order to have this, then you got it—I promise I’ll try real hard to get this right.”
She looked almost alarmed now as what he was saying seemed to sink in but said nothing. He waited for her to respond, because he wasn’t sure if he’d said enough or worse said too much. Apparently, he’d stunned her into silence, and it made him nervous because he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally said.
“Say yes!” He laughed nervously.
She began to nod, relieving for an instant the knot that formed in his stomach halfway through his declaration, and then she stopped. “I need to know what I’m agreeing to exactly first. You say you’ll probably suck at it. I don’t want you to mistake me needing more to mean more often. At the risk of sounding greedy, I have to be completely honest. I’ve never done the relationship thing either, but I know now I can’t do the open kind.”
“Open?”
She nodded, clearing her throat. “I’m not sure what you’re proposing exactly, but you have a lot of girl . . . friends. I can’t do a relationship where we’re seeing each other but will still be open to see others on the side.”
What she was saying—thinking he might be proposing—hit him suddenly. “Hell no! I don’t want that either.” He leaned his forehead against hers, taking her face in his hands. “Have you not seen my reaction to you with someone else already? I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’d definitely have a problem with an open relationship. And, of course, that would go both ways.” He kissed her softly. “I meant I might suck at the formalities: remembering anniversaries, being romantic and saying the right things when I’m supposed to—that kind of stuff. But if I’m doing this with you, then it’s only you. We'd be exclusive because trust me, I wouldn't have it any other way. ”
Finally, the hesitant expression gave way to a smile. “Okay,” she said softly.
The smile was once again plastered on his face. He’d never felt so relieved in his life. He kissed her again a little longer this time then brought his leg over the bench to straddle it. He then pulled her leg over too then over his thigh and pulled her closer to him. To his surprise, she lifted her other leg over his other thigh also and brought her arms around his neck. She was now straddling him, and he was only glad her behind was still on the bench or she might feel just how turned on this made him.
“So how does this work?” he asked, leaning against her forehead. “Do we like wear matching outfits and give each other nicknames?” She laughed so heartily and sweetly he had to laugh too. “Well, I don’t know.” He feigned feeling slighted by her laughing at him. “I’ve never done this.”
“I’ve never done it either,” she said, still laughing.
“Really? That surprises me. Never? Not even come close like seeing someone or something?”
She wasn’t laughing anymore and even looked away for the first time since they tangled up the way they were now. He rubbed her back. “All right, this is good,” he said, feeling his muscles getting a little tense already. “I may’ve never been in a relationship before, but I’ve been around people who have and have a couple of close friends who are in them. This is a huge thing for them and will be for me too, okay? Honesty. Complete honesty.”
He lifted her chin because she was looking down again, avoiding his eyes. When he had her full attention, he spoke again. “The closest I’ve ever had to a relationship was with a girl I thought I was falling for, but she moved away, and even then we kept it up via texts and phone calls. Turned out she wasn’t nearly as serious as I was, because she started seeing someone else.” He’d take this honesty thing a little further to make a point about how serious he was. “It was the same girl you saw me with at the fight, the one that sat with me in the front row. But we’re just friends now, and she was just out here visiting.” Charlee lifted an eyebrow and he kissed it. “I sent her packing that night to go look for you, remember?” That reminder seemed to ease her a bit. “Now.” He pulled her even closer to him so her legs were practically around his waist. “Your turn.”
Staring at her, he tried to understand why she seemed so uncomfortable suddenly when she’d been laughing so happily just moments ago. What difference did it make if she had been in a relationship in the past? As long as it was just that—in the past.
She was sitting so close to him with her arms and legs around him that he could feel how tense this conversation was making her. Whatever it was, he was getting it out of her now because he didn’t like how whatever it was had changed the mood so abruptly. This could be someone she wasn’t over yet, and he braced himself, his muscles going even tauter as that thought sunk in.