The moving company came early, and after a busy morning we moved everything into our new home. There were lots of stuff, but luckily I had Mona’s help.
I put the last box on the ground and let out a heavy breath. This is it, new apartment, new life.
“I need a big dinner,” Mona crossed her arm on and shoulder and signed: “Kath, you haven’t been talking at all, are you okay?”
I gave her a smile and nodded, “I’m okay, I’m just… still getting used to everything.”
“You know you can always come back to our pack, screw your stepmother, you can stay with me.” she said.
“It’s no longer my home, not since they kicked me out,” I shook my head, “and I will be fine on my own, don’t worry Mona.”
“Well, can you at least tell me why are you trying to disappear from everyone you know in this city then?” She grabbed a chair and sat down.
“It’s complicated,” I laughed, “and I have to get to the hospital soon, Jack’s surgery starts in two hours.”
Mona raised her shoulder and nodded, “fine, go ahead, but make sure you put away your fake smile, it looks like you are about to cry.”
I knew that she was telling the truth, because I forced myself to laugh all morning. The last time I left from everything I have, it was hard for me, because it was painful to get abandoned. But this time, I made this choice, I was supposed to be determined. Although I kept telling myself that, my heart just wouldn’t stop aching, I had to ignore all my feelings so that I could continue doing whatever I need to do instead of collapse.
And now, I was about to go say my final goodbye.
I put on my shoes and grabbed my key, Mona followed me to the door.
“Mona, don’t forget to…” “To pick up the kids, I remember! Now go, don’t worry about home.” I was amused by her impatience, Mona looked like a cheap labor who didn’t get paid. That’s because I dismissed the kids’ nanny, and before I could find them a new one, I had to ask for Mona’s help.
“Thank you Mona, you are the best.” I smiled at her, and she waved her hands to me.
“Just be strong, Kath,” Mona put away her laugh and said: “you still have us.”
My new address was really far from the center town, so I had to drive for an hour to get to the hospital. When I arrived, Dr. Sinn and Jack’s assistant Dan were waiting for me to sign the surgery consent.
“Miss Katherine, thank you very much for everything you have done, would you like to go see Mr. Harden, he has been waiting for you.” Dan was very grateful that I convinced Jack to do the surgery, and perhaps for that reason, he became very obedience and respectful to me.
I looked at the direction of Jack’s ward, and shook my head.
“It’s okay, I’m here to give you this,” I took out the papers that I prepared and handed to Dan, “please give this to Jack when he wakes up.”
I had signed the divorce paper and a letter of guaranty that I voluntarily relinquish my pledge to inherit Jack's estate.
Dan looked shocked when he saw the paper, “perhaps you want to talk to him and give him this yourself, he really cares about you. Miss Katherine, there must be some misunderstanding, Mr. Harden was going to propose to you and give you a big wedding…”
I walked away before Dan finished his sentence. I once thought that Jack was the nicest thing that ever happened to me, and I had always felt bad for everything he had done for me. For the past five years, I had thought of him as my family. When he got sick, I swore to myself that I would do anything to save him. But how ironic, I ended up be the reason that he almost gave up on his life.
Walking out of the hospital, I looked up and stared at the sun. The warm sun shone on my face, and I couldn’t help but raise my hand to grab the warm color. I'm such a bad person, a coward, I didn’t even dare to go in to the ward and see Jack's face again. But at least I could make sure that he gets a transplant and that he survives, so what I owe him will be paid off.
“You are bad luck, and you don’t deserve to be loved…”
“Filthy little bitch, get out of my house and don’t embarrass your father and I…”
“Sisiter, you have shamed our family…”
I suddenly recalled the vicious sentences I'd heard over the years, maybe they weren't all wrong, and I really am someone who didn't deserve to be loved. Everyone I love, I eventually had to leave them…
I breathed out lightly, and wiped my face. I’m sorry Jack, I wish that everything could still be the same as you said, but I couldn’t. I wish all the good fortune for you, and I am sure that you will find someone better than me.
This is my farewell, and I hope you don’t hate me for it.