The late November night was sharp and chilly, the kind of cold that made your cheeks sting and your breath puff in soft clouds. Aeri and I walked side by side down the quiet city street, heading toward the hotel near the station where we’d planned to stay for the night.
We walked in comfortable silence for a moment, our shoes tapping lightly on the sidewalk. I glanced at the road ahead, the hotel’s warm lights glowing a ten blocks away, and spoke up, my voice serious but steady.
"So yeah, I’ll be patient and keep trying my best until you really accept it all," I said, my eyes fixed on the road, the weight of my words settling between us.
Aeri’s steps slowed, and I felt her gaze on me. When I looked at her, her face was pink, her cheeks flushed despite the cold. She quickly tilted her head up, staring at the starry sky, her lips pursed like she was trying to hide her shyness. She didn’t say anything right away, just kept her eyes on the stars, and I could tell she was feeling awkward, unsure how to respond.
I smiled, my chest warming at how cute she looked, all flustered like that.
"It’s okay, you don’t have to stress yourself like that, you know," I said, my voice light, trying to ease the tension. I nudged her shoulder gently, hoping to make her laugh.
She snapped her head toward me, her blush deepening. "Shut up," she said, swatting my back with a quick, playful smack. "I’m not stressing myself, I’m just thinking, that’s all." Her voice was sharp but teasing, and she muttered, "Idiot,"
"Ehehe, sorry," I said, laughing.
Aeri let out a soft sigh, her breath visible in the cold air, and then her voice came again, quieter this time, hesitant.
"So, since when..." she started, pausing like she was gathering courage. She glanced at me, then looked away, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. "Are you into me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes fixed on the sidewalk now, like she was afraid of the answer.
I took a deep breath, the cold air sharp in my lungs, and thought back, the memories flooding in clear as day.
"I don’t know... maybe when I was graduating from middle school?" I said, my voice calm but honest. "By high school, I was sure 100% about it." I glanced at her, catching the way her shoulders tensed, her steps slowing again.
"Huh!?" Aeri’s head whipped toward me, her eyes wide with shock, her mouth slightly open. "Since that long?" she asked, her voice rising in disbelief, her cat ears shifting as she tilted her head. The streetlight caught her face, and I could see the surprise written all over it, like she couldn’t wrap her head around it.
"Yep, I mean it," I said, nodding, my gaze steady as I looked at her. "I just knew, you know? As a school kid, or even in college, if I’d said anything, it wouldn’t have worked. I was too young, too... not enough. I had to get to a place where you could look at me as a man, not just some kid you call your child." My voice was calm, but my heart was racing, laying it all out for the first time.
Her eyes were soft now, glistening with tears that hadn’t fallen yet, her face flushed a mix of pink and pale in the cold. She stared at me, her lips trembling like she was trying to find words but couldn’t.
"Ezra..." she whispered.
Aeri’s steps slowed, and she glanced at me, her face pink from the cold and something else, something like guilt. "But... I was already in relationships with a few people when you were in school and college..." she said, her voice soft, almost a whisper, her eyes dropping to the pavement like she was afraid to meet my gaze.
"I know..." I said, my voice steady but quiet, my hands shoved deep into my pockets as I kept walking, my sneakers scuffing lightly against the sidewalk.
I’d always known about her relationships—she’d never hidden them, and I’d never expected her to. She was older, living her life, while I was just a kid with a crush that grew into something bigger.
Aeri stopped walking, her shoes scraping the pavement, and I paused too, turning to face her. She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, her hands now clasped tightly in front of her, shivering not just from the cold but from the weight of her words.
"And sometimes... I even brought Alan home to stay the night..." she said, her voice cracking, a hard gulp cutting through her words. "I didn’t know you were holding all these feelings for me inside... or else I would never..." She trailed off, her lips trembling, her face a mix of sadness and regret.
"I know..." I said again, my voice softer this time, my chest tightening as memories flooded back.
Alan—her boyfriend from a few years ago, a colleague from her job. A white-hot, cocky guy with a flashy smile and a bank account padded with his dad’s money. Aeri had been head over heels for him, her eyes lighting up whenever he was around, but I’d seen through him from the start. He was using her, playing with her. But Aeri, back then, was blind to it, caught up in his charm.
I remembered those nights when Alan came over to our place, He’d greet me like I was some kid, ruffling my hair even though I was already in college, his tone dripping with condescension.
"Hey, champ," he’d say, smirking, like I was invisible.
Aeri would laugh, swatting his arm, but her cheeks would flush, and I’d see how much she liked him. They’d flirt openly at the dinner table, right in front of me—Alan’s hand sliding to her waist, grazing her curves of her chest, Aeri giggling and swatting his hand away playfully, glancing at me with a quick,
"Stop it, Ezra is also here." like it was no big deal.
But the worst was at night. I’d be in my room, trying to sleep, when the sounds would start.
Aeri’s moans, soft at first, then louder, drifting through the thin walls.
"Ahh... ahh... Alan... more..don’t stop, fuck me more...ahhh.." Her voice, raw and desperate, had cut through me like a knife.
I’d lie there, staring at the ceiling, my fists clenched, hating him, hating how he didn’t deserve her, hating that I couldn’t say anything because I was just a kid in her eyes back then.