CHAPTER 27
"Namaste, mom", Damien's voice boomed into the phone.
"What the hell does that mean, Damien?"I frowned in irritation.
"It means hello, mom", he chuckled.
"Is that Chinese?"
"No, it's Indian."
"Really? Your father has started teaching you his language already?"
"No, Dad doesn't have time for that. I'm now in India, mom. Dad said I should learn on my own or he's going to sell me out", he laughs.
He seemed to be in a good mood. He was really enjoying his stay with his father. They were bonding well.
"You are in India? What happened? What about your school", I asked in one breath.
"We are on a vacation, mom", he answered.
"So you decided to go to your dad's place instead of coming to America?"I couldn't help but feel jealous. I missed him badly.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I'm still trying to get to know dad. I'll come to see you very soon", he said.
"It's ok. That's what I want. I really want you to get along well with your father. That is the least I can do for you both."
"Alright, mom. Yashmi taught me how to say hello in India."
"Oh! You two are getting along well too?"
"Yeah. Her mom is nice, it's just that I can barely understand her English."
"You mean Lakshmi's English?"
"Yes."
"Be patient with her. You'll get used to it."
"Ok. Tomorrow is our birthday. Yashmi and me."
"Oh!"
"We share the same birthday."
"Yeah. That's true. She was born on your 10th birthday." I could remember how sad Damien and I were on that day.
Life is indeed a mystery. Lakshmi was happy and rejoicing over her birth on that day while I was sad and feeling the urge to end my life because she gave birth. It was something I never expected and it came as a shock to me.
"I hope you are really enjoying your stay over there?"
"Yes, mom. The girls here are beautiful and innocent."
"Damien", I exclaimed and he chuckled. "I didn't train you up to be a playboy."
"I ain't, mom."
"How long have you been in India?"
"Three days."
"Ok. Where is your dad?"
"Dad", he called Amar and I heard the sound of someone approaching.
"Your mom?" I heard Amar asking Damien before taking the phone from Damien.
"Nina", he called.
"Amar", I called back.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm great, you?"
"I'm ok." It was unlike Amar to reply to me that way. He sounded unhappy. I learned how to tell people I am great, whether I am sad or happy, from him. Amar always tells me he is great and I picked the habit up from him.
"Are you sure everything is fine, Amar?"
"How do you get to know when something is wrong with me, Nina? And when everything is right?" He questioned.
"I know you, Amar, more than you know yourself. Even though, our fate....... " I stopped. "Never mind." We had always tried avoiding the topic of our fate anytime we conversed since the birth of Yashmi.
"Damien, could you please excuse me?" He said to Damien. After a moment of silence, he said.
"Nina, say what you want to say."
"Never mind. It's nothing."
"It's nothing? If it's nothing, then I have a lot to say to you."
"Amar, what is the problem?"I detected the anger in his voice.
"You are my problem, Nina", he yelled. "Why did you let me marry Lakshmi? Why didn't you let me know my child was on the way? How could you be so selfish?"
I couldn't believe my ears. Amar called me selfish. "Amar, did you just call me selfish?" I asked and laughed when he didn't respond.
"The selfish one is you, Amar. Do you think you are the only one suffering from that single mistake? I've always been selfless in everything that concerns you and the people I love. I thought we talked about this before? Where is all this coming from?" I was trying so hard to control my rage. How dare he call me names?
"Nina....", he called. It was obvious he was already regretting why he started the conversation in the first place. It was obvious he was just transferring his aggressions on me. But I wasn't done saying my mind. He had opened up my unhealed wounds.
"I didn't want to turn your father against you. I even had to let Damien go schooling in China, all because I wanted you to know your son better when there are better schools over here in America. Haven't you thought of that? What was the selfless decision you ever made when it came to our short-term relationship? Tell me, Amar!" I yelled at him.
"Nina, you made the wrong decision. I am in deep shit."
"Sort your shits out, don't pour your anger on me."
"Nina, I'm not happy."
"Am I happy? Do you even care to ever to ask me that? Have you ever sat to ask yourself if Nina is happy wherever she is? You are happily married to your dearest wife and you have 2 kids but I am not. I am still that single Nina you met and left in America. So don't give me that crap, Amar."
There was silence until I heard a sob and I was taken back.
"I'm sorry, Nina." My anger began to dissolve almost immediately. I wished he was close so I could hold and soothe him. Tell him everything was going to be fine.
I thought I was the only one suffering for that single decision I made, I never knew we were both in the ocean of sadness, heartbreaks, and sorrow of not being together. I realized we've always been into it together but we were good at pretending that all was well.
All was not well indeed. My heart irked.
"Nina, I'm sorry", he apologized again. I was about to tell him it was ok. I felt relieved that he was also suffering from it.
He could have fought for us, for my baby and me by retracing his steps and correcting our mistakes but he didn't. He couldn't because he was a coward and I felt angry at him for being a coward. I need to let him know that.
"Go fuck yourself, Amar Singh", I shouted once more, before disconnecting the call.