"No…" Adam responded, quietly. His voice not much more than a whisper, his expression of sheer dread and uncertainty, his voice beset with a tremble. Salvatore nodded slowly, keeping his voice low, calm, and soft for Adam.
"Well, I don't know if I can help but if you tell me then maybe I can try?" Salvatore offered, all pretense of his big strong gruff man attitude dropped and solely focused on helping Adam out of this. "What's going on, Adam?"
"I'm not…" Adam whispered so quietly that Salvatore couldn't even hear him.
"I'm not Adam!" Adam said back, significantly more emphatically, practically yelling at Salvatore with force.
"Whoa, whoa, calm down kid, what do you mean you are not Adam?" He asked, keeping his calm and measured tone for Adam's sake. Seeing very clearly Adam was already going through it.
"I'm not Adam, what don't you understand?!" He said a few tears falling now. "I'm a fake, a fraud, a clone of the original! I'm not even a real human just some waste thrown together in a fucking biochamber by amoral assholes! I don't even know who I am, what I am… What I am doing here!" He said, practically screaming the last part as he looked up into the air, though of course all that was above his head was the bottom of the desk he was still under.
Salvatore paused, seemingly unsure how to approach this topic, it was far more complex than he expected. He then let off a big sigh and lightly bonked Adam on the head.
"Alright, listen here, kid." He said with a more stern, almost fatherly tone now. "I don't know wether you are a clone, the original Adam, or some demon, who the fuck cares? I'm a fucking ghoul, a human who has been so fucked over by radiation I've become a monster. Do I look like I'm letting that dictate my life?" He said, continuing to remain stern but not angry at Adam.
"I've known Psykers who could tear a man in half with their minds but chose to be pacifists, I've known super mutants who decided to become poets, I've known robots who became heroes, I once knew a guy who became a fucking tree! But did any of them let their circumstances change who they were? Who they wanted to be? No." He said resolutely without a shred of doubt. "See, it don't matter what you are, it matters who you are, and what you make of yourself. If you are a clone then, good, live it. The other you is probably dead already, so the best way you can honor him is to keep living. Or hell, if you dont like him then fuck him, change your name and be your own man! No one can tell you who to be other than yourself. Just don't be something you don't like. Take it from me… that's not a way to live…" Salvatore said, losing steam at the end, not even sure where he was going with this impromptu peptalk.
Adam sat there, staring at Salvatore for a good long while without saying a word. His expression softened now, though still filled with confusion and doubt. However after a while to sit in silence he let off a big exhale and then slowly got up.
"I still don't… know… who I am, Salvatore…" He said again, softer now.
"And that's fine, kid." Salvatore said back, softly, standing up as well. "No one knows who they are until they spend time learning about themselves. I've fucking spent the last 200 years living in this skin and you think I know a fucking thing about me? Nah. You don't gotta know, it's fine. Just live it, kid. Be who you want to be. Cause if nothing else you are here now. That's what matters." Salvatore gently bumped his fist into Adam's chest while he offered him a soft grin. Adam sighed deeply again letting out the rest of his anxiety.
He looked off to the side, still feeling down but more level headed now. "I need some time to think this over. This is… a lot for me to take in."
"I bet." Salvatore said as he took out his pack of cigarettes and then paused before putting it in his mouth, offering it to Adam. Adam looked at it for a moment and then took it from Salvatore, letting him light it for him.
Adam took one long drag of the cigarette, coughing a good bit after he did and then handed it back to Salvatore. He walked over to the window and looked out as he let off a heavy exhale.
"There's too much on my mind. I don't think I will be able to process this today, I still have other things to think about, how I will live, what I will do." He turned around to look at Salvatore, his body framed by the light of the setting sun. "I'm practically broke now too." He laughed mirthlessly.
"Then do what you do best, kid. Scavenge." Salvatore said as he gestured around. "30 floors of goods to loot, raiders aplenty, labs to take, who the fuck knows what else. Don't worry about the future right now, kid. You got time to worry about that. Focus on something constructive. Work helps clear the mind." He grinned. "I know it does. Trust me."
Adam nodded slowly and then took one more deep breath followed by the last heavy exhale. He was not over this, his thoughts were not settled, he was still quite unsure of himself but he had to go, he had to keep moving forward. That much he knew above all else. For now he would focus on the moment, he needed to scavenge as Salvatore said. There were many things to take here, certainly. He had a whole trip back to plan too, there was enough to think about without troubling himself about this now. He would focus on the moment. Process later.
"Alright." Adam said, more resolutely and back to normal. It was clear he was not over it, but he had compartmentalized the information and gotten past the worst of it. He had resolved himself to do work, that was enough for now.
Adam turned around a second time to look out the window at the setting sun.
"We can't get back tonight, can we?"
"No." Salvatore said, back to his more normal tone now too, though there was a softer edge to it now. "Not unless you want to be traveling at night." Adam nodded without turning around.
"Lets secure the first floor, make sure no one can get in. I'll start looting then, I'm sure we can find some beds to sleep on for the night, we can head out tomorrow."
"Sounds like a plan."