Lin Sanjiu quickly discovered that the gift Nüwa left for her was not only Ji Shanqing but also temporary control.
She couldn't guess what meant Nüwa might have used to plant such a feeling in her mind; she knew that she had taken control over this underground game launch space and knew that once she left, her control would disappear, and everything might return to normal. What happened after she left, she couldn't manage, nor was she inclined to— at least now, the grand prize was safe by her side, and that was enough.
When she knelt gently beside the grand prize, not even reaching out to touch his face, the grand prize woke up. His slowly opening eyes were like lakes and stars cleared of haze, cold and bright; when Lin Sanjiu's figure fell into his eyes, they immediately softened, bending gently, accompanied by a voice, "Sis."
Lin Sanjiu hugged him, burying her face in his hair, unable to speak for a long time. In his refreshing scent, she tightly closed her eyes, not daring to look, because she suddenly felt a fear—she had long felt that even without discussing suffering, life was always filled with small, suffocating discomforts, as life is such. Living in a human body is like having a foot in the wrong shoe size. So, in her misfit life, could owning something as absolute and pure as Ji Shanqing be explained only by dreaming?
Or perhaps she was real, and the struggles, sorrows, discomforts, and pains she felt were real, but only Ji Shanqing and similar comforts were added by a novelist, just to comfort people, just to give people a little hope.
"S-Sis," Ji Shanqing said, a hand stroking the back of her head over and over again, with a reassuring rhythm. "Sis, it's okay, you're just greatly shocked."
Was that so? But she had long known Nüwa's intentions; even without Nüwa, the Great Deluge that would end humanity—she already knew about it. She couldn't explain her uncontrollable trembling at this moment.
"You saw more than just Nüwa and heard more than just her words... What she represents, those indescribable things, all that has settled over who knows how many years and changes, in the moment she grasped you, all rushed over you." Ji Shanqing seemed to know her experience perfectly. "I was placed not far from you, watching you talk to her; I know. You were amazing, Sis."
Lin Sanjiu only realized she had soaked the grand prize's hair with tears when she lifted her head. "Are you okay?" she asked, plucking the hair from her face.
"I'm fine," Ji Shanqing said, smiling at her. He glanced at Yu Yuan before looking away. "Although there was a moment when Nüwa really scared me. She said, 'You're so like a person, you're right on the boundary line of becoming human'—but thankfully, she ultimately didn't see me as a human."
If Ji Shanqing was not seen as a human, Yu Yuan naturally had even less risk. Yu Yuan thought for a moment, then said, "So it seems that not reverting to human form is a good thing."
"You knew about what we were just talking about... and what I experienced before?" Lin Sanjiu asked the grand prize, stunned.
"I was initially caught by a young woman through a game. She couldn't figure out what I was and didn't want to let me go, so she kept me as something wrapped in text, trapped on paper... but before she could tamper with me, Nüwa took over," Ji Shanqing explained. "From then until you appeared, I was with Nüwa all this time... Sporadically, I saw and talked a lot with her, including about your affairs."
He suddenly lowered his head a little awkwardly and said softly, "But I couldn't send you any messages. I saw you looking for me all this time, and I couldn't make a sound, making you so worried."
'What a trivial matter.'
Lin Sanjiu gently stroked the back of his hand, whispering, "I... I really don't understand what Nüwa wants and why she chose me."
Yu Yuan also came over, stopping a few steps away from Ji Shanqing; he seemed to want to listen to the discussion between the two but was determined not to get too close to the grand prize, so he sat down behind Lin Sanjiu.
"If you think about it carefully, she allowed me to save some people according to a standard, but she didn't give me any standard," Lin Sanjiu said with a bitter smile. "She only said what is not a 'righteous person,' but she didn't say what is. Where should I look? Why should I look?"
Besides, she had another layer of darker, more profound fear and suspicion.
"If there are no righteous people among my friends, should I save them or not? Is this a test? She wants to see if I'm fair, and if I save my friends, I'll fail, and we all won't escape a dead end. But if I have to give up my friends, I won't know what's left to live for."
Ji Shanqing shook his head.
"Sis," he said, grasping her hand, a move that made Lin Sanjiu calm down a little. "After spending these days together, I have a little understanding of Nüwa. Would you like to hear my opinion?"
Lin Sanjiu nodded.
When she just heard the two options given by Nüwa, she even wished she had no choice at all.
Though Nüwa detested the obscurity and chaos in human nature, there was a moment when Lin Sanjiu wished she herself were obscure and chaotic, numbly awaiting the Great Deluge or some other form of annihilation. The end would be the end, without pain before or after, like a dog unfortunate enough to die in a volcanic eruption.
If numbness creates the source of pain but avoids the feeling of pain, perhaps there's something wrong with human beings?
"Sis, Nüwa indeed didn't give you a standard," Ji Shanqing whispered, comforting her with a smile. "Because she doesn't have one herself."
Lin Sanjiu was taken aback. She never thought that a god-like being like Nüwa would not have something.
"She told you that if you find someone who meets a certain standard, you can survive," Ji Shanqing said calmly. "But how could she have such a standard? In her eyes, all of humanity, perhaps even herself, should not survive. There's no standard for who should or shouldn't live, so what could she give you?"
Lin Sanjiu fell into a speechless blank.
"She won't judge people individually, like 'Oh, you're a good person, you haven't done anything bad, or your bad deeds are few, so it's unfair to let you die.'"
At such a moment, even the grand prize, being on the borderline of humanity, could make people feel that the sense of indifference was not unique to an individual. "Because if you try to judge a person's goodness or badness, the standard itself would trap her in an endless pitfall of sophistry. Can you imagine the scene? Nüwa sitting across from a person, trying to figure out if this person deserves to live.
"That person would say, 'How am I not a good person? Aren't you just a person, too? Who gave you the right to judge if I'm a good person? Are you always right? What's the difference between you and a wicked person? You have your standards, and I have mine. I have my bad side, and I have my good side. How can you look at the problem so one-sidedly? And even if I did something questionable, it's because of my environment. I was influenced by it. I don't have your experience and luck. Is that my fault?'"
Ji Shanqing finished speaking all at once, taking a breath before laughing and saying, "If Nüwa were to fall into the judgment of individuals, it would be tantamount to falling into meaninglessness. Therefore, she will not look at how individuals are; when she makes a decision, it is a decision for a group. She only looks at the impact of the human group on the world, the causality created, and the disturbances caused. If the group caused it, the group will bear it; that's enough for her."
Lin Sanjiu was even more confused now. "Then why did she ask me to find some individuals?"
Ji Shanqing sighed slightly after hearing this.
"The group caused it, so the group bears it; that's Nüwa's answer to the human problem. She is confident that her answer is inevitable and correct, but she wants to see if there might be another fully aware person with similar insights, who might arrive at a different answer. Her experiment with humanity has ended while her experiment with you has just begun."
In the silent room, he seemed to feel a pang of grief for Lin Sanjiu too.
"Her approach is unfair to you, an almost unimaginable burden that has been thrust upon you. Although Nüwa has given you a choice... If you are unwilling to bear this task, you can silently welcome their destruction, or join Nüwa's side to hasten the destruction. But no matter what choice you make, you cannot be in a daze anymore."
Lin Sanjiu tilted her head up, looking at the dim room, her ears seeming to catch a faint disturbance and noise from outside.
She exhaled a long breath, whispering, "I wish I were a bird, or a deer."
"Then you might die because of humans." Ji Shanqing also sighed, smiling bitterly. "But I can understand why Nüwa chose you. Even if you arrive at the same answer as Nüwa in the end, you will try your best to find another way out in the process... That's just like you."
From the end of the corridor outside the door, there came high and low cries. "Why won't the door close?" "Why can't I write?" Such voices, intermittent and panicked, were like fragments, swept apart by a stream. The pieces rushed into Lin Sanjiu's ears, making her glance towards the doorway.
She stood up in a daze.
Why Nüwa left her in control, she understood the reason behind it. She was sure that in the brief yet long conversation just now, she heard Nüwa say, "Now, what do you intend to do with these people?"