Ingrid's POV
"Eat first, Irah," I said to Irah who also didn't want to talk to other people.
"Yes, Ate," she said, nodding at me.
"You should also eat, Sandro," Indigo said to Sandro who was playing with other kids.
"Just wait po," Sandro said before he powdered one of Mama's friend's children.
"What about you?" Indigo asked me.
"I'll eat later. I'll be looking out with some of the guests," I said so he looked at me for a long time before he sighed and stood up to feed my siblings. I just silently stared at Mom's coffin. It seemed like it was rewinding to me over and over again when she died. If I hadn't just left her for a few minutes she might still be here next to me. Maybe she'll never leave me…
"Mama, Papa left me, you left me too." I remained without any emotion to read.
"You can't even wait for your child to be successful, I said I'll treat you abroad, Ma," I said. I just kept talking to her until Indigo came back.
"You should eat now, I'll be here for a while," he told me.
"What about you?" I ask.
"I've eaten," he said so I stared at him. He even smiled at me slightly just to assure me. I just ate quickly because I didn't want to waste those days when Mama's body is still there.
"Ate, is Mama really gone?" Sandro asked me.
"Hmm, Mama is going to heaven, Sandro," I said to Sandro who suddenly cried so I hugged Irah and him because Irah was also in tears. They fell asleep with me crying so I took them to the bedroom here at our house. We decided to have her funeral here in our home so the neighbors can also visit.
I quietly returned to my seat. Indigo and I are just next to each other. It's like he's not even leaving here. He is just always by my side. He didn't even leave me alone. When people are gone, I feel so weak and miserable that I end up crying because of the weight I feel. Indigo just let me lean on him while he just caressed my back and let me cry.
“Is it really easy to leave me? Why is everyone who matters to me, leave? Why is it for them to leave us behind?” I asked as the sobbing grew louder.
“No, you are not, Ingrid. It's just a coincidence that your Mama needs to leave now,” he whispered to me.
"Maybe, she's tired now, maybe she wants to rest," he said.
I just stopped crying when I got tired of it.
“Sleep, Love. I will take care of your mom,” he told me. I have no intention of following that because I intend to just look after my mom but I can already feel the weight of the eyelids because of the sleepless nights in the past few days. I just didn't even realize it myself.
“Come on. You can handle it, you're strong, Ingrid,” Indigo told me. Today is Mama's funeral day and I don't know how I can survive this day. But when I just hugged her picture frame, I started to cry. I feel like she's the one I'm hugging. I feel like she's here hugging me back too.
I like to think that everything is just a dream, that she might come back too but when I saw that she was being buried, it was as if my knees were weakening. If I hadn't just seen the brothers crying I might have ended up on my knees. I just silently cried as I hugged them. I need to be strong for my siblings.
When I returned home, my siblings were also very tired. So am I.
When I see Indigo's eyes? It was as if I had become weak again. I gradually lose all my strength. It is really true what he said that he can lean on his shoulder when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
“I’m fine now. Thank you,” I said softly so he just stared at me.
"You're not," he said but I just smiled slightly at him.
“Rest. I'll look at it,” he said when we heard someone knocking outside but I just shook my head. Maybe it was important and I wasn’t really wrong because I saw Dad with someone.
"You're already late, Papa. Mama was just buried," I said. I have no strength to argue with him right now.
“I'm not here for your Mom, Ingrid. Don't you want that? There is no burden in your life now,” he told me. I was immediately stunned by what he said.
“Mama is not a burden, Pa. Compared to you, she is even lighter,” I said. It looks like he wants to get angry but because he has someone with him, he just chooses to glare at me. He really have the guts to do that when he didn't even visit Mama.
“She is the new owner of this house, Ingrid. Next week you should move out with your siblings. After all, you have money, find a new place to live on. Just rent an apartment or whatever,” he told me so I stopped and was stunned by him.
"Can't you really wait a day before doing your stupid things, Pa?" I asked him with a frown. He really gets mad at me but I just remained standing firmly in my place. I just can't really take his bullshits right now. I know it is his house. I don't know what's wrong with my sister but is it right for him to do it? What about us? We are also his children.
I just clenched my fist as I looked at him.
“I already warn you. The new owner can live here anytime. This house is fully paid. You have a lot of money so find a place to live first. I will also try to take it back next time,” he said so I just looked at him coldly. I have no strength to argue.
"Pa, are you sure about this?" I asked him.
"Are you sure you really don't want to be a father to us?" I asked, still smiling at him. He kept looking at me coldly because of that but I didn't care about that anymore.
“Don't worry, we're leaving here. It's annoying but go ahead because it's your house. It's up to you on whatever you plan to do,” I coldly said again before turning their backs on them all.
For days, I was just moody. I don’t even know how I’m going to start again. The class has already started so I don't know what to prioritize. This time it seems like I really don't have parents anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy as much as I think about it.
“Go home too, Indigo. You haven't slept yet,” I said to Indigo who was still helping me wash the dishes.
"I'm going to sleep here, Love. I already have some clothes," he said so I couldn't believe it when I looked at him.
“By the way, I asked Aling Juana if she still has a vacant apartment. There is still one. It's small so it's cheap,” he said so I looked at him.
"How much?" I ask. Compared to the other apartment, it seems that I can afford to pay for it every month.
"Let's see first," I said so he nodded at me.
I'm also glad he's here because if he's not? Maybe I'm really going crazy. He was the one who kept me sane. When I'm in deep thought he randomly makes me laugh. He was always there no matter how ugly I was.
"Do you like it?" I asked the brothers as we headed to the apartment. They immediately nodded as they surveyed the new residence. It's beautiful even if it's small. It has an affordable price so I accepted.
We were busy that week arranging things in our new apartment. It's just that we just keep on thinking about our parents that it can't be overcome by fatigue because it really still doesn't make you drowsy. Drowsiness just came in with a lot of thinking.
"Mama, don't leave me, please," I said, holding her hand. She just gave me a wide smile before she hugged me tightly.
"Mama doesn't feel any pain, my daughter," she said to me while smiling.
"Mama can walk," she said so I didn't realize my tears were dripping.
"I love you, I need to leave," she said before she broke away from our hug.
"Ma!" I shouted so loudly when she disappeared from my sight.
"Shh," Indigo whispered softly before he hugged me very tightly.
"You're crying," he said before trying to wipe the tears dripping from my eyes. Instead of finally stopping crying, I just sank into his chest.
“She talked to me in my dream, Indigo, she said she’s already fine. She kept on saying goodbye,” I said.
"Looks like your Mom's happy now, Ingrid. Let her go," he said to me so I immediately shook my head.
“Then what about me? I'm not okay! I want her here. I want her with me! I just want her to stay by my side. I still don't want to let her go because there won't be anything left to us,” I said so he just hugged me. He let me cry all I'm feeling right now. He's just there letting me cry on his shoulder. I just fell asleep crying in his arms.
The next day, I just woke up next to Indigo. My lips parted before I slowly moved away from him. Soon he was also stretching.
“What are you doing here, Indigo? You didn't go home again?” I asked him.
"I'm your neighbor now," he said, pointing to the other apartment. My lips parted because of that. I just looked at him for a moment before I walked over to my siblings. The apartment has two bedrooms and they love the bedroom here on the other side because it is a double-deck. I saw Sandro hugging his teddy bear while Irah was upstairs sounding asleep.
I don't want them to be separated from me in our sleep but I don't want to wake them up every morning because of my crying ass.
"Good morning, Ate," Sandro said. He felt that I was watching him.
"Good morning," I greeted him back before I messed up his hair.
I tried to do what I usually do but there seemed to be something missing. I don’t know if it’s just because of the house or because there’s really something missing. I just firmly bit my lips because of my tears again.
As time went on, I missed her even more. As time goes on, it hurts more and more. I just feel her presence even more now that she’s gone. I couldn’t stop sobbing as I just stared at the dark sky.
I just felt Indigo sitting next to me. He just caresses my hair as he lets me cry with him. He also wears his hoodie on me because he already knows me very well.
"I miss Mama," I whispered to him.
"I know," he whispered to me before he hugged me tightly.