"This path, it was your own choice.
When your father and I divorced, despite his earnest pleas, you firmly chose to follow me.
Your father has always felt that I was sick, that I was constantly inventing ways to torment you and him, bringing pain to both of you.
What he doesn’t know, though, is that his son is a more terrifying demon than me. All his paternal displays of affection, in the eyes of his beloved son, are nothing but a complete clown’s performance.
He’s heartbroken. He’s applied for a polar research project.
When I wanted to change your surname back, your grandpa disagreed, but you insisted on changing it.
Your grandma said if you go with me, you’d never be allowed to enter their house again, yet you clung to my sleeve and left with me.
Li Zhiyuan, do you think doing all this will move me and make me change my mind?
All I feel is irritation screaming over and over in my heart:
why do you insist on clinging to me and continue to torment me!"
"Alright, alright, I get it, Mom. You don’t have to say anymore, I know all this."
"I will join the project team tomorrow, and I don’t know if I’ll return safely. My only hope is that if I do manage to come back alive, my life will no longer include you.
I’ve thought it through and made up my mind.
Li Zhiyuan, I am going to rid myself of you, like shaking off a dog’s skin plaster.
I will transfer your guardianship to your father’s side. Even though your dad is not around, your grandpa and grandma will likely be happy to take you in. After all, you are a child who managed to join the Youth Class, you can be their pride."
"I don’t want it. No need for other things, just send snacks and stationery, the latest ones, Mom."
"I know you wouldn’t want it. You’re still going to desperately hold on to anything related to me, that’s why I’m sending you back to my hometown, a place I will never return to in this lifetime.
I will transfer the guardianship to my father, your household registration and your school records will be transferred there.
I am grateful to this project for providing the convenience to arrange our family issues."
"Mom, I’m currently staying at Grandmaster Li Sanjiang’s house. The grandmaster likes me and asked me to stay with him for a while. Grandmaster is very kind."
"Um, that’s all then, Mom. I’m going to give the phone to grandpa now, he still wants to continue talking to you."
Li Zhiyuan held the receiver for a while, waiting until the sounds of footsteps leaving and approaching were heard, before reluctantly handing the receiver to Li Weihan.
Li Weihan took the receiver, "Hello, Ranhou, don’t worry, Little Yuanhou is doing quite well here, we’ll take good care of him."
Li Zhiyuan didn’t want to stay and watch grandpa chat with Aunt Xu.
"Grandpa, Grandma, I’m going back to the grandmaster’s place for dinner."
Cui Guiying hurriedly said, "You go ahead, don’t keep your grandmaster waiting. In a while, your grandpa and I will ask him when you can come back home and leave the monastic life."
"Okay, Grandma. Goodbye Grandma, goodbye Grandpa, goodbye everyone."
Li Zhiyuan waved goodbye to everyone, then turned and left.
Run Sheng followed behind Li Zhiyuan; he was very hungry, but he didn’t dare to remind the boy to hurry.
He always felt that the boy had two faces. Although the boy always called him "Brother Runsheng," the word "brother" sounded different when there were many people around versus when it was just the two of them alone.
The former was a warm and respectful address with ’brother,’ while the latter felt like his actual name was "Brother Runsheng."
But he didn’t have the curiosity to understand. His grandpa had said that since he was not smart, he shouldn’t trouble himself trying to figure out what smart people were thinking.
He sensed that the boy was in a low mood, so all he could do was to accompany him and walk slowly.
In Li Zhiyuan’s mind, however, his mother’s words on the phone echoed over and over.
He was comforted by the fact that his mother had not spoken so much to him in a long while.
Only, he knew that these words from his mother were not really meant for her son but seemed more like directed to that other self deep within her.
And his mother, she saw her son as the cold incarnation of her inner self.
If it were up to him, facing the expressionless self in the mirror possibly becoming his own child one day, he too would go mad, would become hysterical.
Putting all his effort and strength into desperately covering up and suppressing that coldness, only to become a child who clings to him all day, calling him "mommy."
At this moment, Li Zhiyuan laughed.
He found it quite amusing, like a bizarre and satirical silent black and white film.
He stopped, squatted down facing a small channel by the road.
It was already dark. The canal water could only reflect a pitch-black face.
Li Zhiyuan looked at this face yet did not recognize who it was.
Run Sheng also squatted down beside him, silently lighting a joss stick.
Li Zhiyuan picked up a stone nearby and threw it at his own reflection in the water.
After rippling, it soon returned to its original state.
He knew his mother was gravely ill.
Tonight’s phone call, it was her way of giving up on herself, she was tired, she was in despair, she would completely let go of the struggle, no longer resist, she would integrate.
Thinking positively, the call was her last outpouring.
Although it was filled with unpleasant language, curses, and insults.
At the same time, it indeed carried a kind of hatred, even jealousy.