With nowhere else to go, I slumped down against the wall outside Kael’s door, my back pressed against the cold stone.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, trying to make myself as small as possible.
The corridor outside Kael’s quarters was cold, and I felt every minute drag as I sat there, trying to make myself as warm as possible. This would not be the first time I’ve slept outside. I used to do that a lot back at Crestborne.
Whenever my father goes on one of those drunken rages, I always end up outside in the cold. Most of the time, I would try to stay awake because I was scared of freezing to death, so this was nothing.
Hours passed, and my body had given up protesting. My limbs were stiff, and my eyelids were heavy. I dozed fitfully, my head nodding forward, before jerking back up each time I started to fall asleep.
After what felt like an eternity- probably around four hours, I was beginning to drift off when I felt strong hands lift me from the floor. My breath hitched as the familiar scents of cedarwood and clean soap filled my nostrils.
I didn’t open my eyes right away. I just let myself sink into the warmth of him, even if it only lasted the short walk into his room. He deposited me gently on the bed, pulling the blanket over me.
My eyes fluttered open to find him moving towards his cupboard to retrieve extra blankets.
"Where are you going?" I asked sleepily, watching him.
He glanced at me without meeting my gaze. "The couch," he muttered. "You can have the bed."
"But there’s enough space for both of us," I offered, gesturing to the space on his bed. "You could sleep here, too."
His movements stilled for a moment before he resumed his task. "You’re dirty, and I don’t want to get soiled."
"I could change," I offered tentatively. "I feel bad that you have to take the couch while I sleep in all this comfort."
He came towards me, snatching an extra pillow, then paused for a minute. "Sleep."
Then, without another word, he turned off the lights and made his way to the couch in the small sitting area of his room.
I lay in the darkness, staring at the ceiling, despite my exhaustion, sleep wouldn’t come. I turned onto my side, then again and again. I couldn’t stop fidgeting, couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened—Marcus’s announcement, my fight with Slater, my parents, Kael, Rhett... even Headmistress Vale.
I need to stop the voices.
"Kael?" I called out softly into the darkness. "Are you asleep?"
"Kael?" I tried again, a little louder.
There was a beat of silence before the lights came on, and Kael sat up on the couch, his hair dishevelled from lying down. He marched toward the bed, not bothering to hide his irritation.
"What do you want from me?" he demanded, his eyes flashing with anger. "I’ve brought you in, you’re on my bed, what more do you want from me, Eamon?"
I flinched at his tone, not understanding why he was shouting at me. "You don’t need to shout at me," I mumbled.
"You called me," he retorted pointedly.
"I just..." I swallowed hard. "I feel so sad, I wanted to talk to someone."
"I’m not a damn therapist," he snapped.
"I didn’t say you were," I said as a tear slipped down my cheeks. Before I could stop it, I burst into tears, all the stress and fear and loneliness of the day overwhelming me at once.
"Why do you hate me so much?" I sobbed. "I haven’t done anything wrong to you. I just... I need someone to be kind to me for five minutes. Everyone here either wants to use me or hurt me, and I don’t understand what I did wrong."
Kael shifted awkwardly, glancing at the ceiling as if he were bargaining with the gods, then rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.
He crossed the room to his desk, where he grabbed a box of tissues. Coming back, he offered them to me without saying a word.
I cried for the longest time, emptying my soul of every burden and the log of anxiety on my chest. When my tears finally subsided, I wiped at my face and looked up at him, managing a watery smile.
"I’m sorry, I needed to do that."
He didn’t say anything in response. He just crossed the room again and then returned with a glass of water, which he handed to me. I gulped the contents, giving him the empty cup, muttering another thank you.
"Are you fine now?" he asked quietly. "Can I go back to sleep in peace?"
"Aren’t you curious about what made me cry?"
"No," he said flatly. "I don’t care enough about people to get involved in their problems."
His response didn’t surprise me at all.
He turned to go back to the couch. "You can stay tonight, but you’re leaving first thing in the morning."
I followed him across the room. "It wouldn’t kill you to be nice for once," I said.
He glanced over his shoulder. "If I weren’t nice, you’d still be outside sitting in the cold hallway."
He lay down on the couch, closing his eyes with a heavy exhale. I watched him for a few seconds, then crept over and sat beside him. The instant our bodies touched, Kael jumped like he’d been stung, startling me as well.
"What’s wrong?" I asked, concerned by his violent reaction.
"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, backing up.
"I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I should be asking you that. Why are you acting weird?"
He pushed his fingers through his hair. "No physical contact."
He sighed. "I’m worried, you’d try to seduce and kiss me again."
I blinked, then gave a short laugh. "Excuse me? You kissed me. If anyone was doing the seducing, it was you. You initiated that kiss."
He glared. "You didn’t pull away."
"You closed your eyes."
"You touched my face."
We glared at each other, and finally, Kael dropped onto the couch again. "Fine. You’re right."
"Don’t beat yourself up. There was nothing special about it," I said matter-of-factly. "We were just caught up in the moment at the pool."
"No," he said quietly. "I wasn’t just caught up in the moment. I enjoyed kissing you."
The admission hung in the air between us. I didn’t know how to react to his bluntness.
"Are you always this truthful?" I asked, laughing to ease the tension.
"There’s no need to lie about anything," he shrugged. "I hate lies. Besides, this isn’t very clear for me. I don’t understand what’s happening. You mess with my head, and I don’t like it. So please, I’m begging you, stay far away from me."
"Maybe," I said softly, "you like me. Liking boys isn’t so bad."
I studied his face for a moment, then sighed and stood up. "Okay."
I walked back to the bed and settled under the covers, then looked over at him expectantly.
"Come tuck me in," I said.
"If you don’t, I’ll kiss you again. And I’ll make sure I initiate it this time."
Kael’s eyes widened slightly, and after a moment of internal debate, he reluctantly got up from the couch. Then, he approached the bed cautiously and pulled the blankets up to my chin, making minimal contact.
"You’re impossible," he said, staring at me.
"And cold," I added, curling my lip gently.
"There," he said, stepping back quickly. "Now go to sleep."
I smiled up at him. "Thanks, Kael. For letting me stay."
He rolled his eyes and turned away—but I didn’t miss the faint red creeping up the back of his neck.
I also noticed that the lights were dimmed rather than turned off completely—perhaps, he understood that complete darkness makes me scared.
As I finally began to drift off to sleep, I remembered what Rhett had said about Kael—how he was cold on the outside but soft within. The way he had been so worried with Rhett had fainted, or how he’d rescued me from Marcus.
What’s more, his confusion about his feelings was genuine, and despite his protests, he had shown me kindness when I needed it most.
Maybe tomorrow will be worse. But tonight?
At least I was safe and I wasn’t alone.