The next morning, I was up early, desperate to clear my head and escape the suffocating atmosphere of my room and my thoughts.
The anti-heat suppression pills had helped me throughout the night, but I couldn’t sleep. So, this morning, I decided to go for a run, hoping the physical activity would help me process everything that had happened.
On the running path behind the pack house, I spotted Rhett sitting alone on a bench, lost in deep thought. He looked up immediately when he saw me, and our eyes met across the distance.
"You’re up early," he murmured, motioning for me to come sit beside him.
I hesitated for a moment, then walked over and settled on the bench, leaving some space between us.
We sat in quiet for a while, both of us watching the early morning mist rise from the ground. Finally, he broke the silence.
"I would have understood, Charis," he said softly. "If you had told me the truth from the beginning, I swear I would have understood. What hurts is that you led me on all this time, making me think I mattered to you as much as you matter to me."
His voice was quiet but filled with pain.
"I liked you as Eamon," he continued. "It would have been so much easier to like you as Charis. At least then I wouldn’t have spent weeks questioning my own sexuality."
"Rhett, I’m so sorry," I said, tears gathering in my eyes. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you, any of you. I was trying to survive and to stay hidden from my father."
"I know that now," he replied. "But it doesn’t make the deception hurt any less."
"You’re right to be angry with me," I admitted. "I made choices that affected all of you without considering how it would feel to be lied to. I was selfish, but I didn’t think I would make friends when I came here. All my life, I’ve navigated through any difficulty by myself. The concept of teamwork is strange to me."
"You were scared," Rhett corrected gently. "I understand that, but after we’ve all become friends, you would have opened up, and we would have protected you better. Friendship requires trust, and you didn’t trust me enough to be honest."
"I was afraid," I whispered. "Afraid that if anyone knew the truth, the word would get back to my father somehow. I was also afraid that the kindness would stop and you’d all see me differently." ᴛʜɪs ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɪs ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ ʙʏ NovᴇlFɪre.ɴet
"I do see you differently now," Rhett said. "But it’s not from a place of unkindness or maybe an easy person to prey on in any ramification. Now, I want to protect you more. I want to be there for you without you having to ask. I want to shield you from the world, and maybe that’s not entirely a bad thing."
Before I could respond, I noticed Kael jogging back down the path toward us. Rhett followed my gaze and murmured, "Don’t get on his nerves. He’s not in a good mood."
I nodded. "No problem."
When Kael came close to where we were sitting, I immediately called out his name with what I hoped was a friendly smile.
"Kael! Good morning!"
But Kael completely ignored me, moving to pack up the water bottle and towel he had left at the foot of the bench earlier. His movements were jerky and dismissive, as if he didn’t want any form of interaction.
I turned to Rhett and whispered. "Does Kael know?"
Rhett shrugged. "I didn’t tell him anything, or maybe he figured it out from our conversation last night."
I got up and followed after him, trying to salvage what was left in our friendship.
"Kael, can we talk? I know you’re upset, but—"
He spun around suddenly, his eyes flashing with anger.
"Don’t come near me," he snapped. "And starting today, you’re not staying in my room anymore. Find somewhere else to sleep."
His words made me pause mid-walk. "Kael, please, let me explain—"
"Explain what?" he demanded. "I should have listened to my instincts from the get-go. You’re nothing but trouble, and I don’t want to be associated with you anymore."
"Hey man," Rhett said behind me. "Give him a break, he didn’t mean to..."
"Listen, Eamon," Kael drew closer to me; his eyes burned with fury. "This is wrong, what I feel for you is wrong, and I don’t want to be the person I was yesterday. I don’t want to feel this way about you, so please, help me..."
"What?" I scrunched my brows. "You’re letting me go because of your feelings for me?"
"Yes!" he retorted, "What else do you think it was?"
He didn’t know. He still thought I was a boy. I felt a twinge of disappointment at that realisation, wishing he’d find out and save me the emotional stress of having to confess my real identity.
"Tell me, how can I make it up to you?"
"Make it up to me?" he scoffed. "You don’t understand, Eamon. This is my problem. I was in bed kissing you with another man also there with you. I can’t... I feel so ashamed of myself, so degraded that I allowed my emotions to drag me into thinking things were normal. I am supposed to be attracted to girls and not..." he trailed off.
"I’m done here," he resumed. "I’m going to kill my feelings for you, and that’s final. When we return to school, I’ll send your belongings to your brother’s dorm. Do well and stay away from my life."
I stood there speechless as he turned and jogged away.
Rhett came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Give him time," he said quietly. "Kael is a perfectionist who hates it when his life goes out of balance and not according to how he wants. He’s still trying to process these feelings for you, and the easiest way to put him out of his misery is by confessing."
"What if he never forgives me?" I asked, watching Kael’s figure disappear around a bend in the path.
"Then you’ll have to live with that," Rhett replied honestly. "But maybe losing our trust will teach you something about the real cost of deception."