Evan's Point Of View
"Please, Evan. I love Nathan so much... I can't lose him like this... Please let me go this time... I want to be with him..." Irish begged as she stared at me with tears rolling down her cheeks.
F-ucking shit. My chest started tightening as I looked at her. In every tear pouring down her cheeks, it felt like my whole world was shattering. She was begging me to let her go without even thinking how I would feel about it.
Why?
What did she see from that man that I didn't have?
Why do I need to be the one being left behind?
In which aspect do I lack the most?
"You're so heartless, Irish..." I managed to say as my chest felt so heavy already.
I can't even breathe properly when I finally let her go. It felt like my entire chest would explode because of our breakup. I kept asking myself what did I do wrong that I had to be hurt like this.
As far as I could remember, I just fell in love and gave everything to her.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Evan..." I heard her saying it repeatedly.
The woman I fell in love with, who became my world turned her back on me.
God knows, I wanted her to realize how she made me feel whole when we started our relationship. She taught me how to dream of a good life with her. Because of her, I started to see the world brightly. She made me feel different. I even promised to myself that she'd be the first and last woman that I will love in this lifetime.
If only she knew how she became my world, my life. But then, her world became different, so does her heart.
It seemed to me that life wanted to play games with me. I gave everything to my first love. Just when I thought that my heart is already complete, something will happen for me to feel an excruciating pain, ten times heavier than what I at least deserved.
I didn't even know how to forget her, back then. I loved her for f ucking five years. Yeah, five years. Those years that she made me so crazy about her. All those years, she was the only woman in my life. My eyes could not even look away from her however, in just a matter of months, she fell in love with some else.
F-ucking shit.
“Bro, I honestly think that you’re wasting your life. You’ve been drinking so hard every night,” Sei commented as he watched me finish my drink.
He was the only person who mostly stays in the clubhouse, reason why he’d always see me drinking. I breathed heavily and put down the shot glass on the counter table by force.
"The hell you care," I said coldly and have him a glare. “Just give me a new drink. I just want to dose off tonight."
“Come on, that’s just a girl, Evan. If she's not in love with you anymore, you have to accept it. Are you planning to be this damned for the rest of your life? Let me tell you, Irish won’t really be happy if she learns about what you’re doing with your life.”
I know but I can’t do something about it right now. It’s kind of easy to say that I’d accept everything but d-amn! It’s really hard to do it.
How could I even accept that she chose someone else because I lacked in so many things? I know I have to accept that she’s no longer mine but whenever I try to think about it, my heart always starts tightening. Whenever I think about how she fell out of love with me, my heart is mourning.
That’s because I love her so much.
It is still going to be her, even though it gets more painful every day. I am still going to choose her, even though it is no longer me whom her heart wanted.
My life became so dark. Days, weeks, months and even years have passed. All these years, the pain lessened but I can’t deny the fact that I am still suffering.
“Evan, you have to believe that the right woman will come to your life when the perfect time comes. I hope you won’t close your door when that happens...” said Samantha one night, as we went home from Irish’s engagement party.
"I'm good, Sam. I am happy for Irish..." I sighed in defeat. "I felt relieved that she's happy now..." I uttered and looked away.
It's been three years. I've been living in horror for three years. My chest started tightening just when I entered my room. My ragged breathing became more evident just when I realized that deep within my heart, I still yearn for her.
Damn it...
That's what I get for giving so much love that I forgot to leave something for myself. I didn't stop loving her. I didn't even manage to lessen the love I feel for her. I just managed to pretend it was gone when the truth is, I still feel it.
Days have passed and I think I was able to control the pain. I played with the searing pain and managed to control as damn it, this idiot has to live.
Another day came. I was busy working on some files that I need to approve when my parents approached me. They suggested me to consider a possible marriage for convenience and handed me an envelope which has the photo of the woman they wished to be my wife.
I gazed down at the picture of a woman who seems to be in her high school year. She's pretty but so young for me. That's what I thought. I sighed heavily and told them I'll give it a try but not now.
I can’t believe my parents want me to marry a child. I licked my lower lip and decided not to think of it in the mean time. Bet that young girl wouldn't even make me so fucking horny.
But I was wrong. That young girl proved me wrong. The first time I saw, I already admired her. That very first time our eyes met, I felt a deep interest about her.
"I'm already twenty-two years old. I am not young anymore." She clarified.
I thought this dinner date will be a mess but it became more interesting now that a gorgeous, full of angst yet so vulnerable woman is in front of me.
"You looked sixteen to me. I apologize," didn't mean to be rude but fuck, I think I am already drunk because of the drinks I’ve finished.
Nevertheless, I still managed to feel an extreme fascination in her eyes, especially when the side of her lips curled up for a cocky smile.
D-amn it.
"Please don't talk to me that way. My name is Risha Nathalie Saavedra, your fiancée..." she told me coldly.
Man, who would not fall for that angst? That alone was enough for me to be so intrigued about her. I have to admit, it was really amusing whenever I piss her off. I can’t help but smile inwardly whenever I see her pouting her soft lips. I’ve been trying to challenge her as I want to see how she will react, and fight back.
I guess, I just love how she thinks so high of herself. She protects her pride a lot. Even though there were times that she was obviously wrong but still managed to scowl at me, I was still interested in her.
She became a distraction. An addicting distraction that I'd always run to. If only she knew how the hell she was able to save me. She saved me from the pain that has been eating me up for years.
Risha...
She's like a magnet and I couldn't get away from her. She made me happy. All those arguments we had made me so happy.
She made me feel the real happiness. I didn’t even need to pretend whenever I’m with her.
I told myself that maybe I can really agree to this arrangement. I can marry her as long as we understand each other. And as long as we trust each other, then there would be no problem.
"We have all the time for this chase you are referring to. Why not join me in our engagement party first and make me suffer the consequences afterwards? Just so you know, it has been planned from the very beginning, Rish."
She laughed sarcastically.
"Stop being bossy, Evan! All my life I’ve been following the rules and commands of my parents. Do you think I would let someone like you do the same thing to me?”
God knows how ready I was to be tied up with that spoiled brat. However, she escaped all of a sudden!
She left. She f-ucking left me! That thought screwed my head when her father told me what happened.
"I'm sorry, Evan. We only wanted her to resign from her work so that can be a caring wife to you when you two get married. We didn’t expect that she’d run away like this...”
I breathed heavily and still tried to control myself despite the anger building up on my inside. Risha doesn’t need to give up her work! I don’t want her to be sad just because of the fact that she’ll be my wife!
“If she wants to work, then I will let her. It’s not a big deal to me. And I can take care of her. She doesn't need to give up her whole life because of me, Uncle Frank. I’ll find her...” I uttered politely before leaving their mansion.
Where are you, Risha?
I used all my connections and bugged my friend Ash just to find her. I was so scared that she might do something that would hurt herself. God knows how many times I massaged the side of my head, trying to remove some negative thoughts in my head.
“Are you that in love?” Ash teased me. I only gave him a glare.
“Do your work! I need to find her as soon as possible!" I scowled at him out of annoyance before looking back at his multiple monitors.
Luckily, Ash have a lot of connections. He was able to cracked the security of all airlines' database in the Philippines and found out that Risha took a business flight to Batanes.
"I’ll follow her..." I uttered firmly.
"You need a back up. Some men are trying to hunt you down, bro. I'll go with you," Ash suggested.
I let him do what he wanted. He was correct. I've been receiving death threats but that's totally fine. I can surely handle those shitty heads when I have the time to do so.
But right now, Risha is my priority.