***
| AFTER 1 YEAR AND 3 MONTHS |
A year and a few months have passed. And we're going to start schooling again. Mommy and daddy called us to their office today. I wonder what they were going to say.
"Why did you also call Xyna, my dear? We won't introduce her you know that. She's a trash! If we introduce her together with our lovely Xiera, it would be embarrassing! She's a pest!" Mom then suddenly grinned and looked at me. I bent my head.
"To let her know she doesn't deserve it!" Daddy said to mommy. I felt my heart were heavy again, and I felt like tears will dripped down my eyes any moment. I'm really too sensitive. I can't help it, they're my parents. But they treat me like I'm some kind of a shit.
Daddy cough to get our attention.
"We called you here because we're going to introduce you to the public, Xiera, as our one and only child" Daddy said to Era with a smile.
"But, what about Dev?" Era asked mommy and daddy, who suddenly smiled.
"We won't introduce her. She's just a big shame to our family. Because she's brainless. I don't know what that plague is doing instead of studying! My goodness! Only now have I met someone as fatuous as her!" Mommy explained. I swallowed the lump on my throat and pursed my lips.
Every word she utters are like knives piercing my heart. It hurts! It hurts to be told by that by your own parents, it hurts to be told brainless and a plague.
"I-I'm leaving" I said and turned around. I can't take it anymore. If I stay there any longer I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears anymore.
I went to my room and there I cried and cried. I cried all the pain that I feel because of them. I cried it all out, but it wasn't enough. The pain is still there. And it won't leave me.
***
It hurts.
It hurts to hear those hurtful words from my own parents mouth. It hurts to not be love by them. It hurts to be the outcast. It hurts to be the one that is always wrong in their eyes just because of my marks that the see. They didn't that it was my marks that they're seeing in Era's card.
Here I am in the living room and watching tv. I watch how mommy and daddy introduce Era to the whole world. How they praise her in front of people. How brilliant, intelligent, kind, in short on how perfect she is.
I smiled bitterly. I'm sad because they despise me instead of accepting me for what I am. But I can't do anything. And it's also for Era's sake. She would've been the one in my position now if I didn't do that. And also If I won't do that for her who else would? No one, except for me. I need to sacrifice for her. If she's okay I'm okay. If she's happy I'm also happy. Happy for her. I will support her no matter what. We will continue doing this together. Because we were siblings. We were TWINS.
I have no regrets to everything that I've done. I've done for her. Because I'd rather just introduce let them introduce Era to the whole world and I stay hidden, rather than they introducing me while Era is here in the living room and watching us with a sad and hurtful face. It hurts to be hidden. But I have to bead it. For good.
I turned off the tv and went to my room and locked myself up there. Maybe I'll just cry it all out again, like what I used to do. I'm used to this but why can't I just feel nothing? Why can't I just feel numb?! Why do I have do feel this pain over and over again? This is eternal. I wonder until when will I be able to bear this.
***
Era and I ate quietly at the dinner table. When mommy and daddy came out of nowhere.
"My dear Xiera! Accept this. I bought that for you, because you're doing very well good in your studies!" Mommy said while smiling.
I saw Era looked at me. I just smile at her. I know she felt guilty again because she know it's me again. She always try to stop me but I won't budge. You can't blame me, I rather bear all the pain that they'll give me than they hurting her. I just can't see it. I can bear all of this, but I can't bear seeing Era hurting.
Era took the plastic bags and peeked at them. Maybe it's dresses, bags, etc. Mommy looked at me badly, then suddenly smiled. I know it's a sarcastic smile. I know her very well.
"Are you jealous?! Don't worry I also bought you something" she said and threw a plastic bag at me.
I smiled at mommy. "Thank you!"
She rolled her eyes at me before grinning. "Open it up and see what's inside"
I complied. I opened it. And there I saw casual clothes. I know it's from a secondhand store. Just from the steel of it, I already know it.
But it's okay for me! It's still clothes, and there's also dresses in here! Yey! Mother still cares about me
"Thank you very much, mommy, daddy and Xiera. I love you" I said enthusiastically.
She just shook her head and then turned her back on us.
Just a little washing and ironing and this will all look brand new.
***