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I smiled bitterly for the last time.
I was about to stab it in my neck when suddenly someone hands stopped me.
I looked to who it is. It's Agatha!
“What are you doing Xy?! Let go of the glass!” I didn't let the glass go. Instead I glared at her.
“Just let me die, Agatha! The pain was overwhelming. It was excruciating. I can't handle it anymore. I'm tired. I'm so tired with my life. Just let me rest, please. I can't take it anymore. I-I can't—” I sobbed and shouted at her.
“No! I won't let you, Xy! What about me? We? We who love you! You're leaving us just like that?!” she shouted back while crying.
She then tried to snatched the glass from me again and she succeed. I let her succeed. I don't have any strength left anymore afterall.
She threw the glass away from me.
I just cried.
Aga hugged me, I hugged her back too.
‘I really need you now. I really need someone's shoulder to cry on this me. So, thank you.... Agatha. You really are my friend’
“Xyna, suicide will never be the answer! We can still fix this! Everything will get back to normal again, I know that. You already went through a lot, why giving up now? This is just one of those challenges you need to face. This is just to make you even more stronger. And if you leave us, what about me? What about Xiera? Your friends? We'll be so extremely sad. Are we nothing to you Xy?” she asked still crying.
I know I'm hurting her right now, and it made me feel bad. I don't want to hurt her. I don't intend to hurt her. I just...can't now. I don't know how to start again. I don't know when will I able to stand on my knees again like the person I used to be before I met Dwyne.
I just think, that if I die now. I no longer need to face these challenge. I don't need to face these all.
I shook my head on her. “No! You're all so important to me. You mean so much to me. I just...can't continue living anymore...Aga. This is too much for me. I can't handle all of this burdens in one strike”
“Who says you'll handle it alone? Who says you'll get through this alone? We're here Xy. Me and Xiera, especially Dwyne. We'll get through this together” I averted my gaze on her when I hear his name.
I can't help but remember what just happened just a while ago. How I found out about his secret. How I found out all of his schemes. How we messed all these up. And how I found out that...he didn't actually love me. He's like the others.
He came into my life just to...break me. I should've known.
Tears streamed down my face again. I'm so stupid to even let my guard down. I already had a hunch that he's into something but I let the thought off because he's starting to mean something to me. He's starting to gain my trust. So I give it. But I was wrong. I was wrong to softened up to someone just like that. I was wrong to listen into my heart. Because all along, my mind was right. I should've instead listen to it instead of this fucking heart of mine.
Fuck it! Fuck this heart! Fuck love! Who said that love is true? Who said that forever is true? No one is permanent. Everyone will just leave you some day. So you better just have your guard up than just being hurt by someone once they became so important to you. Just like what happened to me.
I smiled bitterly. “Does something happened, Xy?” Aga asked when I started crying again.
She was surprised when I started laughing like an idiot. But it's more like a sad laugh. “Should I say nothing? Well, Dwyne and I just broke up. Cause I found out that he just became my boyfriend because someone told him so. I was just a mission to him. He doesn't love me. I mean nothing to him...” her eyes widened in shock. She didn't expect what I just said.
I began sobbing again. “...I did everything, Aga. But why? Why does he have to do this to me? I trusted him. I let him in to my heart that I didn't do to everybody but him. But why? Why does he have to betray me just like that? W-Why does he have to hurt me just like that? How dare him! I chose him but he chose her. I love him but he love her. This world is really cruel to me, isn't it? Did I do something from the past that made this shitty world be this cruel to me? The strong Xyna you used to know was now a pathetic stupid person. But, you can't blame me. I'm also a human, not a rock. And like what they said, every person has their breaking point. I just can't. I can't take it...anymore”
Aga then hugged me again. “Don't worry Xy. Everyone may have turn their backs on you. But I won't. I will stay by your side till the end of the world. You're my bestfriend. And I care for you. I love you. We can get through this together. Just hold my hand Xy. Hold my hand, okay. We'll fight together. Just don't give up, Xy. Keep holding on” she said.
I nodded and sobbed.
I'm so lucky to have her. She's the only person who stays by my side. She didn't leave me even if I am me. Even if sometimes I am being mean and sarcastic to her. She didn't leave. Even in my downfalls she's with me. She truly is....a true friend. I'm so lucky don't I?
Maybe this world's not that cruel as I described it. Because, they gave me Agatha. They gave me someone like her. Someone that didn't leave me. Someone who truly cares for me and loves me.
And that's the only reason why I'm still thankful to this world.
***