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There's only 10 minutes left before 6.
Everyone has changed their clothes, after more than an hour of swimming in the sea. Good thing they used sunscreen, so they didn't burned their skin,
If you ask where I am. I'm just here on the seashore and sitting, waiting for the sun to set down.
And as I waited for the sun to set I couldn’t help but think. It's about my past, the present, and the future of me.
I'm just wondering, what if I didn't do that for Xiera? What if I wasn't that good when I'm still young? What if my parents loves me? There's so many what ifs running through my mind.
It's just, if it's weren't on my past I'm not on my place right now. I'm not a successful actress and female boxer. But maybe I'm not this strong and frank too.
I wonder what it might could have happened if I wasn't abandoned that day. Maybe I'm a lawyer now and followed our parents footsteps even though I don't like it.
To tell you honestly, I don't have any regrets on the past. Because if it wasn't for them, I'm not in my place right now. And I know deep down myself that what I did from the past is for good, not for me. But for Xiera.
Eventually I felt someone beside me. I immediately looked at it.
“Why are you here, Naddy?” Hilary asked me.
“Because I'm not there,” I sarcastically said pointing to our fellows who's laughing at each other again.
“Naddy!” she pouted. I don't really understand why do these people like to, ahm, pout!
I looked away. “Tss, I just want to be alone for some time. An”d I can't really relate to what you're talking about. I can't share anything, there's nothing interesting in my life, tho. My childhood life is too complicated too,” I explained. I don't exactly know why am I explaining myself here, for some... stranger? Well, not really stranger. But you know I just met Hilary a few days ago.
But I don't know why I have this feeling— I mean, I feel comfortable with her around. Maybe because, her attitude and the way she talk was just like Agatha? Hmm, maybe that is!
When I looked at her she seemed to have something to ask me, but she was hesitant.
I rolled my eyes. “Go ahead, ask what you want to ask”
That became the signal for her to talk. “Ahm, Naddy, if you don't mind. c-Can you tell me about your c-childhood? I'm still wondering, if you're a Scott, and you're the daughter of the two famous lawyer slash business tycoon. Why don't you use their last name? A-And why didn't they introduce you?” I immediately looked at her.
‘Man, I didn't see that coming!’
“I-It's Ok. You d-don't really need tell i-it to me! I-I know it's too p-personal—”
“It's ok” I sighed.
Maybe it's time for me to share a little bit about myself, another one that I immediately trusted Hilary. I don't know, but I just feel that she's a trustworthy person, just like Agatha. And also Hilary has a few similarity to mine. She doesn't care what people say about her. She's frank, but she doesn't care that she might offend them.
“Okay, I will share a few information about my childhood. But it's only a very few information. I... I can't still tell my whole childhood again. I-I'm still affected with it. And also, what you will hear will remain as a secret, don't tell anyone about it even your own brother” I said. She nod and smiled widely at me.
“Promise, Naddy! I won't tell anyone, cross my heart, padlock!” she said.
I sighed first and smiled at Hil.
“I-I was...a-abandoned by my p-parents b-back then ..”
As I looked into the distance, those events seemed to come back to me. And even though they're not here, it's like I can hear their voices.
{“Shut your mouth up, you insolent child! Stop crying or I'll beat you!” I cried even more and was suddenly nervous because mommy would beat me, again!
“Oh, so you won't shut up?!” Mommy said with a furrowed forehead.
I saw mommy take off the belt she was wearing which made me even more scared.
I suddenly sat down on the floor in fear.
“Lie down!” mommy's eyes glazed over.
I shook my head.
“You really don't matter! I hope you don't live anymore! Useless!”
“You're a pest on this family!”
“Why don't you just die yet! We won't benefit anything from you! You're useless!”}
I close my eyes and hold my ear. “P-Please, that's enough! That's enough!”
“Naddy! Hey Naddy!”
{“You don't matter!”
“Get out of this house!“
“You're also a thief now! You stole your sister's clothes! You're a disgrace, I regret giving birth to a chuld like you! Why don't you be just like your sister!”}
“Stop! That's enough! Please, t-that's enough, s-stop” I felt the flow of water coming out of my eyes.
{“What did you do?! You're just ruining everything! Come here!”}
“Naddy! What's wrong with you?”
{“What kind of grades is this?! You failed all of the subjects! What are you even doing in school! Maybe you cut classes, am I right?! Come here—!}
My eyes opened up immediately when I suddenly felt someone hug me. Like waking up in a nightmare, the only difference was mines happened in real life.
When I looked who's hugging me, it's Hilary. I could see the concern on her eyes.
I immediately wiped the tears from my eyes.
'Right! I forgot that I'm with her. And now she just saw the so-called strong woman 'Xyna Devon Alegre' cry because it can't get over with its past'
I mentally facepalmed myself. I wonder what she's thinking right now.
“Naddy, are you okay?” she asked me.
'No, I'm not okay. And will never be '
I tried to smile at it. “Of course, why wouldn't I? I'm perfectly fine you know”
But she just stares at me. I just sighed and didn't speak then stared at the unknown again.
Later I noticed that she was about to speak but I preceded him.
“I was kinda abandoned by my parents when I was a child. They can't accept me as their child, because of... some reasons you don't need to know, atleast for now. And... I got bullied back then too.” a long silence fell between the two of us.
Until I decided to stand up. The sun finally set.
“That's all you need to know... for now. All right, I'll just go inside. And tell them I won't eat dinner this afternoon because I'm still full.” I said before leaving her dumbfounded.
She must have been shocked by what I told her. I still didn't tell her the whole story, but here she is shocked already. What I told her not even reach the 1/4 of the story.
What will she react if she knows it all. The reason why I didn't tell her all 'bout it, is because I can't. I can't talk about that fucking past again. And it's also because I know... I know that she's still not ready to hear them all out.
She might break down.
I entered the hotel and immediately went up to our room.
Upon entering the room I immediately went on my bed. Why is that? Why's the pain still here? Why?!
And I just realized, abundant tears dripped from my eyes again. I cried... for the second time today.
I told myself that I would not cry because of them— because of my past. But, here am I again. Crying. Miserable.
I hope I can be happy forever. Yeah, there're many time that feel happy, but that's not enough.
Because by this time I'm still hurting— I'm still sad. The scars in my heart and soul aren't actually healed. It's still there, and it feels like it wasn't healing afterall.
Hopefully the person who will make me happy will come sooner. I'm tired. Tired of myself, tired of the world, tired of everything. And I'm also tired of...living.
If that person didn't come at the right time, I might.... break down and give-up.
***